Larry luxuriated in his munificent bed, a veritable sea of gleaming gold coins beneath him. The cool metal kissed his moonlight-pale skin, sending delightful shivers through his body as he rolled languidly through the glittering bounty. With each fluid and elegant movement, a gentle symphony of soft, silvery chimes filled the air, as if the cascade of shining golden coins were whispering their melodic praise, celebrating his every step with a harmonious tribute.
That was indeed one of the perks of renting Liechtenstein - one could have coins imprinted with one's likeness, if so desired. And Larry desired beyond measure. This was what he had wanted, longed for, craved his entire life.
Larry, with an air of regal nonchalance, swirled the effervescent champagne in his delicate, crystal flute — a liquid treasure with a shimmer reminiscent of the vast ocean of gold coins glittering beneath him. His obsidian-black hair, as lustrous and smooth as a raven's wing, fanned out as he reclined. Larry leaned back on one elbow, a satisfied grin playing on his lips as he took in the opulent splendor of his surroundings. The grandeur of the palace suite enveloped him, with its rich velvet drapes and sparkling chandeliers casting a warm, golden glow across the room. As Larry gazed out over the sun-dappled fields visible through his window, where wildflowers danced in the gentle breeze and the distant mountains stood like ancient sentinels, he mused to himself with a satisfied smile, "Ah, this beeth the lifest. Mine souleth rejoicest, for this art the zenithest of existenceth! My heartest swelleth with pridest as I declareth mineself the illustrious Emperoreth of Liechtenstein this veryeth dayest. I, Yuqualórë, nobleth scionest of the mightyeth Sauron, standeth poised at the thresholdest of rulingeth the entirest worldeth."
Suddenly a shrill, nasal voice came from the doorway. "LAURENTINIUS!"
"Oh, fucketh." He cleared his throat and called out, "Hello, Motherest."
Jane barged in, wearing a white cotton terry robe and a frown, her thin pencil-drawn eyebrows furrowed. Larry inherited his eyes from his mother - a captivating blend of somber grey and soft violet, reminiscent of a twilight sky just before the stars emerge. Jane claimed that when she was young, people often remarked she looked like Liz Taylor, but Larry privately wondered if Jane was either exaggerating and inventing facts, as she often did, or if people had said such a thing just to placate her ego and keep her from lashing out at them. Now Larry looked into his mother's grey-violet eyes and saw sadness, and a hint of anger.
"Whattest art the mattereth, Motherest?" Larry asked, feigning concern.
Jane huffed. "I want to go enjoy the spa, and get a massage done - with all the stress lately, my knots have knots - but I simply can't, with my back and backside being the way it is."
"I hath paideth these peons well enough to keepest thine mouths shutteth, and if they sayeth anythingest impropereth to thee, they shalt payest the priceth." Larry honestly didn't care if Jane's feelings were hurt or not - he and Juniper had made fun of Jane's back and ass hair many times, in private - but he didn't need to get on her bad side. She could be just as bad as Sauron if provoked, if not worse.
"It doesn't matter if you paid them all the money in the world. I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed. They might not be saying anything about it when they see me, but they will certainly think it." Jane clicked her tongue. "Oh, Larry, you promised you would shave my back, and my behind..."
Larry realized he couldn't have avoided the onerous task forever and it was going to have to happen at some point on his trip - that was why she was here, after all - but Larry had been hoping to indulge himself a little before scarring his mind yet again with such unpleasantness. "Canst it waiteth?" he snapped, hearing the edge in his voice.
Jane heard it too, and her almost-nonexistent eyebrows shot up. "No, it most certainly cannot, Larry. You. Promised. You wouldn't want this to get back to your father, now would you?"
"Nayeth..." Larry swallowed hard. She had to threaten him with that.
That also meant she was in an extremely testy mood today. Larry looked over at the champagne bottle - there was still a lot left in it, and there was more where that came from - and he gestured. "Drinketh?" He decided he would have one himself - he needed something to get through the horror of what he was about to do.
Jane nodded; Larry poured flutes of champagne for both of them. Jane finally smiled, and raised her glass. "A toast. To my son, who is finally making his way in the world, just like I knew you could."
Larry managed a smile in return - he disliked his mother, and he wasn't entirely sure the praise was sincere, since he'd seen her give false compliments and then make snide remarks out of earshot... but at least she had stopped threatening him with informing Sauron of this little vacation, for the time being. "To mine motherest, a shiningeth beautyest." He quickly knocked back the champagne to wash the foulness of those words from his mouth. Moreth likest an beast, Larry thought to himself with a tiny shudder of revulsion.
Jane slowly sipped her champagne, savoring it, making Larry want to scream at her to hurry up so they could get this done and over with, but he held back. To make things even worse, every few sips Jane smacked her lips and gave a sigh of "ahh", which became physically painful, like nails on chalkboard. It took every ounce of his restraint for Larry not to break the champagne bottle over his mother's head.
Just as Larry was about to scream that he couldn't take it anymore, Jane was finished. "Shalt we beginnest?" he asked, with the biggest, fakest smile he could muster.
"Yes. Larry, clear off your bed."
Larry narrowed his eyes. "Think'st thou we couldst doeth this in thine roomest?"
"Larry, it was bad enough I fled from the spa to your room, and people might be able to see through this robe. I'm not taking the risk of going out again in this, in my current state. Good heavens."
Larry swore under his breath. He really didn't want to clear all the coins off his bed to make a space for Jane. He brought Jane over to the couch. "Wilt this doest? I canst layeth down an towelest."
"All right."
With a chorus of exasperated grumbles, Larry stomped his way to the bathroom, where he rummaged through the linen closet for a towel to protect the couch from impending disaster, and gathered his arsenal of shaving supplies. Upon his return, he was met with a scene that turned his stomach - Jane was already stepping out of her robe, and Larry felt a surge of nausea as his eyes took in the sight of Jane's sagging ass, and the veritable carpet of hair covering both her back and ass. It had been too long since she'd last been shaved - which Larry knew was his own fault, for letting it go - but one could hardly fault him for being so reluctant to do it more regularly. The pelt of hair on Jane's back and ass was a freakishly mesmerizing mosaic of black, grey, and white, a fur coat that Cruella de Vil would have envied. As Larry approached, the coarse, curly hair on Jane's back and ass seemed to ripple and glimmer, dancing with a magical glow, pulsating with an almost mystical rhythm that hypnotized him into submission.
Jane lay on her stomach on the couch. Larry sponged down her back and ass, then applied shaving cream. Each stroke of the razor was like a knife into his guts, as he watched the hair cleave away from his mother's flesh and spill into the basin he'd prepared to catch the droppings.
At long last, Jane's entire backside was smooth - exposing her wrinkles and cellulite. It was still less unappealing than when it had been covered with fur. "All doneth, Motherest," Larry said, fighting the urge to retch.
"Thank you so much." Then Jane reached out her hand, and the robe flew across the room; she caught it, and cleared her throat. Larry turned around to give his mother some privacy, and spare his poor, beautiful grey-violet eyes - those rare, ethereal gems that seemed to hold the stormy sky within them.
Unfortunately, he underestimated the amount of time it would take Jane to don her robe, and when he turned back around he caught a glimpse of Jane's left breast, sagging to her waist. Larry couldn't help the strangled noise that came out, and Jane reflexively took a step back as the robe lapel fell over the offending appendage.
That proved to be the final straw. Larry heard himself making choking, hissing sounds as if he were in the throes of death. His mind's eye replayed the horrific sight of Jane's boob, again and again, as if he were being subjected to psychic torture. "I am so sorry," Jane said, clasping her hands together as if in prayer. "I know what would help you calm down. Another drink?"
Larry nodded vehemently. At this point, he just wanted to get drunk and forget this day even happened. He was starting to regret coming here, even with the gold coins piled atop his bed.
Jane waved her hand and the champagne bottle and glasses floated over, to the oblong glass-topped ebony wood table in front of the couch. After Larry put the towel in the laundry, Jane used her telekinetic powers to pour them each a glass of champagne. Then another. Then another. Jane got another bottle of champagne out of the fridge in Larry's suite and they worked on that one as well, listening to soft jazz. Soon Larry was deeply relaxed - enough so that he leaned on Jane and allowed her to put her arms around him, a rare gesture of affection from each of them.
"That's my good boy," Jane said softly. She began to pet Larry's head, and gently rub his back. "Why don't you sit on my lap, the way you used to?"
If Larry had been sober, he would have been completely aghast, not wanting to be treated like a child. Now, it was strangely comforting. Jane continued to rub Larry's back, and then kneaded the tension out of Larry's arms. "You know," Jane whispered, "you have such beautiful pale skin. A much nicer complexion than Jeff."
Larry almost blurted out, "Whoeth?" then remembered, through his drunken haze, that Jeff was Jane's much younger "trophy" boyfriend. "Thanketh thee," Larry slurred.
Jane's fingers began stroking Larry's arm, and a frisson went through him. In the back of Larry's mind, there was a warning - Jane shouldn't be touching him like this, and he shouldn't be enjoying it... but he was. Juniper never pet him like this.
Then Jane began rubbing Larry's thigh, and through the silk of his pajama pants Larry still felt sensitized... enough that his cock went half-hard. Now he knew he needed to put a stop to this, but it was as if he was glued to Jane's lap, putty in her hands as she caressed his thigh up and down, and began nuzzling his neck, another too-sensitive place.
"I think," Jane husked, "what you saw wasn't really an accident, was it, sweetie?" With that, Jane let her left breast slip from the robe, and pulled Larry's head against it, her rough nipple at Larry's lips. Larry wanted to wrench himself away, and yet he felt compelled to take the nipple in his mouth and suck on it. Jane gave a soft moan of pleasure, and now her hand was rubbing the obvious bulge in his pajama bottoms, slow and sensual. Larry sucked her nipple harder, moaning with his mouth full, his balls aching for relief.
- Crickets, the moon. The next day... -
Larry woke up with a warm naked body next to him. He rolled closer, murmuring "Cole," then realized it was too soft to be Cole, and sat up with a startled gasp. He let out a scream as he saw the naked body in his bed was his own mother, Jane... and he was also naked.
Jane screamed too. Then she clapped her hand over her mouth, as if she suddenly was aware that would alert the staff and make them think there was some sort of accident. Larry, however, kept screaming until Jane slapped him.
"Pull yourself together," Jane scolded.
"Motherest. We committedeth an incestest." It was one thing for Juniper - or Bev - to insist Larry call her Mummy. It was an entirely different story to have fucked his own mother.
"Yes. And I am... very, very sorry. Truly." Jane clasped her hands again as if praying for forgiveness; Larry somehow doubted she was all that sorry. "I shouldn't have let things get out of hand. We were both drunk, and we should have stopped several glasses of champagne before we did. I know it's not normally the sort of thing we'd do sober."
"I art scarredeth for lifest," Larry said. "This waseth worsest than whenest I hadst to performest sexest on Lindsayeth Grahamest."
Jane narrowed her eyes and Larry felt the air around him crackling, as if she were about to conjure a bolt of lightning from her fingertips, as he'd watched her do before - and had been on the receiving end of it a few times. But then Larry quickly added, "No offenseth. I meanst it wert the moraleth wrongnessest of the deedeth -" He wasn't going to admit that when sober, he found her even more repulsive than Lindsay Graham's "ladybugs".
The static-electricity feeling stopped, and Jane pursed her lips and looked away. "You cannot tell your father what we've done."
Now Larry's lips quirked, as he realized he had the advantage here - even as he knew that blackmailing Jane might put him on her bad side, it was still an opportunity he was going to take. "Thou hast to maketh it worthest mine silencest."
Jane's eyes widened as she turned to face him again. "You can't be serious. You would threaten me -"
"Not threatenest thee, Motherest. But I art an loyalest sonneth." In truth, Larry hated Sauron even more than he hated Jane, and he was looking forward to the day when he might overthrow Sauron and rule in his stead, but he had to sweeten the deal somehow.
"Very well. Tell me your price."
Larry thought for a long, hard moment - even as the words "long" and "hard" anywhere near the vicinity of his mother were deeply repugnant. At last the idea came to him. "Fathereth wilt beeth pleasedeth if I conquerest Liechtensteineth for mineself, and useth it as an baseth of operationest, an strongholdeth where moreth of his dark powereth can flowest into the worldeth. How mighteth I bestest goeth about doingeth thisest?"
Of course, Larry's real rationale wasn't to further Sauron's empire - he just had to make it look like this, initially, enough to gain his father's confidence and move his way up in rank. But he wasn't going to tell that to Jane.
Jane got up and began pacing around, taking long enough in her response that Larry feared she would tell him no and perhaps decide to break it to Sauron herself that they'd slept together under the influence. To Larry's relief, at last Jane turned to him and said, "You need an army of Orcs."
"Yea."
Jane nodded. "Your father will not loan you Orcs himself, but if you summoned them and conquered Liechtenstein... he would likely be pleased by your cunning. I will warn you, however, that Orcs are very hard to control, and the more Orcs you have, the more difficult it will be to get them to do your bidding. You want the conquest of Liechtenstein to be subtle, so that other neighboring countries do not see a threat and decide to invade. So you need just enough Orcs to make Liechtenstein yours, but not so many that the country does not appear to have gone wrong to an outside observer."
"Know'st thou howeth many Orcs it wilt taketh?"
Jane shrugged. "It's hard to say. Maybe one dozen or two dozen, but Larry, you don't have much experience with commanding Orcs and even that might be too much."
"I art willingeth to tryest."
"Very well. Wait here, and I will fetch my portal, which you can borrow to begin bringing Orcs here without your father seeing it from your portal."
Jane had never offered to let Larry borrow her portal before, and Larry was almost touched by the gesture - except he knew it was to cover her ass, and not really from the goodness of her heart. Larry sat on the couch, even as his skin crawled, vaguely remembering the seduction that had taken place upon it. A few minutes later, Jane returned, carrying the amethyst necklace she usually wore around her neck. Larry held out his hand and the necklace floated to him.
"I am returning to my suite to take a bath." Jane made a face. "I need to scrub last night off my skin."
"Enjoyeth thine batheth," Larry said - he was half-tempted to set himself on fire again, this time on purpose, to get Jane's energy off him. However, as he clasped the amethyst pendant in his hand and felt it thrum, he told himself that as terrible as it was that they'd fucked, it was ultimately working out for good. Soon, Liechtenstein would be his.
From there... the world.