An hour past sundown, when Shabbos was over, Sören took a shower, and Anthony put Sören's clothes in the washing machine with a load of his laundry. He resisted the urge to sniff Sören's boxer-briefs, feeling like a pervert, but he still found himself hardening at the thought of Sören in the shower. He made himself meditate on his usual libido-killers to get that under control - even though Sören was spending the night, that was because of the weather, and he didn't want Sören to feel pressured or obligated to have sex with him. They would go there when Sören was ready.
Unfortunately, Anthony's anti-boner meditation didn't work as well as he hoped - when he heard the shower go off, the thoughts of Sören naked in his bathroom came back. Anthony decided he needed to do something to distract himself. Though his house had heat, it was cold enough tonight to justify using the fireplace, so Anthony started a fire... then he set to work making a blanket-and-pillow fort by the fireplace. When Sören came out in one of Anthony's T-shirts and flannel pajama pants, he made a happy squeak and gave Anthony a big hug, his face as bright as the sun.
"Here, we have a cozy little nest," Anthony said, kissing his cheek.
Anthony put on his smooth jazz playlist, made hot cocoa, and once it was ready, he brought it into the nest. Sören got whipped cream on his nose, and Anthony wiped it off with his thumb, let Sören suck the cream off his thumb - tried, and failed, to not think of Sören sucking something else - and then gave Sören a tender little nose kiss. When they were done with their cocoa they just cuddled for awhile, holding and petting each other, listening to the music and watching the fire, relaxing. The cats curled up with them too, purring away. The world was full of trouble, but here and now they had a moment of peace, and Anthony savored it.
Of course, feeling Sören's body against his was arousing him, even though they had clothes on. As much as Anthony wanted him - and the romantic atmosphere was perfect for seduction - Anthony once again made himself be a gentleman. "Do you want to watch a movie?"
"Sure," Sören said.
They reluctantly climbed out of the warm blankets and walked over to Anthony's large DVD collection. "I'm in the mood for something more lighthearted," Sören said, "if that's OK with you."
"Very much," Anthony said, nodding. "It happens that I organize my DVDs and the movies that aren't too sad or serious are over here." He gestured to one portion of a shelf.
Sören picked out The Muppet Movie, which pleased Anthony, and as Sören got the DVD player set up, Anthony went to make popcorn in the kitchen, and more hot cocoa. Once everything was ready, they got back in the nest.
Sören got choked up when Kermit sang "Rainbow Connection" at the beginning, and Anthony found that sensitivity touching and - for the first time - he gave Sören a kiss on the lips. It was gentle and still fairly chaste, but less so than the cheek and nose and forehead kisses from before. Anthony enjoyed the soft, full lips on his, and he especially enjoyed the way Sören smiled and snuggled closer afterwards.
After the movie was finished - with lots of laughs and groans throughout - Anthony put on the TV; they agreed to a block of reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation. But towards the end of the second episode, Sören started to doze off. Anthony wondered for a minute if he should wake Sören up and get him tucked into bed, but Sören looked so peaceful that Anthony didn't want to disturb him. So he got up, did dishes, settled in beside Sören again, letting Sören rest cuddled against him as he watched another episode.
He turned the TV off when it was done, his eyes heavy, but he couldn't fall asleep right away. It had been a long time since he'd slept with anyone - he and William had taken to sleeping in separate beds within the last two years of their relationship, though they still occasionally had sex - and even though Anthony knew logically he'd been touch-starved it was one thing to know that and another thing to feel the flood of relief as he held someone in his arms again, tearing up a little at how much it ached, in a good way.
He watched Sören sleeping in the glow of the firelight, studying the tousled shoulder-length dark curls, the short dark beard, his lush lips, the long lashes framing his cheeks, thinking Sören was one of the most beautiful men he'd ever lay eyes on. Sören had a sweet expression on his face in sleep, and it made Anthony feel tender and protective towards him. He thought about the myth of Eros and Psyche, the way Eros watched Psyche sleep... but he felt like he was the human gaining something like immortality here; Sören made him feel alive again, after two - really, three - lonely, bitter years.
Anthony kissed Sören's brow, and Sören smiled in his sleep. "Sweet dreams, sweetheart," Anthony whispered, arms tightening around Sören as he closed his eyes.
Anthony startled awake at the sound of Sören crying out. Anthony looked over and his heart ached at the look of terror on Sören's face, eyes darting around to take in his surroundings as he caught his breath.
"Oh, honey." Anthony reached out for him. "Are you OK? Bad dream?"
Sören nodded.
"Was it... the recurring nightmare about the fire demon ambush?"
Sören nodded again. "And this time..." His voice shook. "It was combined with what I came home to in October with the broken glass and the swastika -" He fell apart, sobbing with his face in his hands.
Anthony pulled Sören against his chest and held him tight, rocking him, petting him. "Oh, sweetheart. My sweet boy. Oh, baby boy." The terms of endearment just slipped out, as Anthony felt a surge of protective rage and his heart broke with grief for the all-too-familiar pain Sören had endured. "Sweet baby boy."
Sören cried into Anthony's chest. "I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm sorry I'm like this -"
Anthony took Sören's chin in his hand and looked him in the eye. "You have nothing to apologize for. It's not your fault that this happened to you. It's not your fault that you're traumatized by it. You don't need to beat yourself up, OK?"
"I just... don't want to burden you..." Sören wept again.
"You're not a burden." Anthony squeezed him, kissed the top of Sören's head and rubbed his nose in Sören's curls. "Your guardians called you that, didn't they?"
Sören nodded, whimpering.
"Well, that's on them for being too selfish to care properly for a defenseless child. I promise you, you're not burdening me. I'm here for you." And then, even though Anthony knew the future was uncertain and he didn't like making false promises, the words still came from his heart. "I've got your back. I won't let anybody hurt you on my watch. Taking care of you, protecting you, is a sacred duty to me, OK? I've got you, sweetheart." Anthony kissed Sören's tears. "I've got you. It's going to be OK. It's going to be all right. You're safe with me. I've got you, baby boy..."
"Takk." Sören gave him a kiss on the cheek, then they rubbed noses, then Anthony booped Sören's nose.
Anthony kept holding Sören, rocking him, gently rubbing his head and back, whispering "I've got you, you're safe with me, you're safe here, it's OK" over and over again like a mantra. He hurt so much for Sören, and more than anything in the world he wanted Sören to feel OK again, even though he knew healing took time, and with the state of the world fear was rightfully on an amplifier. But he was going to try, he was going to do everything in his power, even if it meant shielding Sören with his own body someday. He glanced over at the painting of Starry Night that hung over the mantle and thought of Sören's paintings - it seemed to Anthony that his path crossing with Sören's was like catching a falling star, like the universe had entrusted him with something beautiful and precious to protect... to nurture Sören's light and help it grow and radiate again.
At last Sören calmed down, and just lay there, and Anthony's body began responding again to the proximity of Sören's body. He wasn't just getting hard, but Sören threw off a lot of body heat, and the fire crackling a few feet away was adding to that, making Anthony sweat. Before Sören could fall back asleep, Anthony sat up - both to try to adjust his pants and quell his erection, and take off his shirt. "You're like a living furnace, baby," Anthony explained.
Sören laughed, then he looked at Anthony shirtless and gave a wolf-whistle. "So are you." He wiggled his eyebrows.
Anthony cackled, gave Sören a squeeze and a little kiss, then pulled Sören close again; Sören rubbed his nose in Anthony's chest hair. Anthony had always been self-conscious about being hairy, and while he'd had a trim build in his twenties and thirties he was starting to get a dad bod in his forties, so Sören's appreciation was a nice boost.
Anthony managed to fall back asleep, and just before dawn his body woke him up with the urge to piss - which was happening more at his age. But his morning hard-on was still there as he climbed back into the nest. He was tired enough that he wanted at least a couple more hours of sleep, but feeling Sören's body against his made his cock stiffen even more, balls aching for relief. Sören was sound asleep, and Anthony worried that the erection poking him would wake him up, and perhaps even make him have a trauma flashback and panic. So after a little while, when it became clear his cock was not going to let him sleep, Anthony went back to the bathroom and masturbated, fantasizing about taking Sören in different positions, until he climaxed.
Once he came down from his orgasm enough to be able to walk again, he went back to the nest, snuggled Sören, and quickly fell back asleep.
However, he didn't get as much extra sleep as he would like. Predictably, Solly and Shmuel began meowing for food, waking both of them up. After Anthony fed the cats, he saw Sören in the kitchen, rubbing bleary eyes. "You want coffee? Orange juice? Both?"
Sören nodded and mumbled a sleepy "takk."
Once they'd had coffee and juice, they picked up the nest together, and Anthony took a look out the window to see that the freezing rain had stopped sooner than expected and a plow was rolling down the street to salt the road. "Breakfast before I take you back?"
"OK."
While Anthony made breakfast, he put laundry in the dryer. He made Southwest-style vegetable omelets and hash browns, and they watched the news and the weather as they ate. Once Sören's clothes were dry, Anthony said, "Do you want me to take you home now, or..."
"We might as well if the roads are OK, so Snúður doesn't get too mad at me."
As reluctant as Anthony was to take Sören home now, he knew neither of them had really planned on this and he usually spent Sunday cleaning his house and running errands and he didn't want Sören to get bored. But he still felt a heavy weight as he drove Sören back - missing him already - and with the way Sören lingered in the car once they were at Yeyette's house, he wondered if Sören felt it too.
They hugged, then Sören said, "Anthony, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be real with me."
"OK." Anthony felt a prickle of concern, but he told himself to wait and see what Sören had to say instead of panicking.
Sören exhaled and ran a hand through his curls, looking out the window. "OK. I liked that you just... held me... last night. It was really, really nice. But..." He turned back to face him and their eyes met. "You didn't try to, ah, put the moves on me. I'm not even talking about when I had the nightmare, but I mean before, or when we woke up. Are you not interested...?"
"Oh shit, no," Anthony blurted out, feeling his heart sink and the pit of his stomach rise. "It's not that, and I'm sorry you got that impression. I wanted to put the ball in your court - well, I guess it's my balls in your court -"
Sören snickered, and Anthony was glad for the chuckle to break the awkward tension. He went on, "Because I know you have a trauma history, and we hadn't planned on going there last night, and I didn't want you to feel pressured." Anthony sighed. "I'm trying really, really hard to not fuck this up, and not make you feel unsafe around me, with what you've been through. But it's not for lack of desire." Anthony bit his lower lip. "I've had more than a few wanks thinking about you, including this morning when I didn't want you to feel my hard-on and get scared."
"Oh." Sören's mouth opened slightly, then his face lit up, cheeks pink. "Wow."
"Yeah." Anthony looked down, feeling a little sheepish even though he knew almost everyone masturbated sometimes.
"Well, ah..." Sören touched Anthony's face. "Thank you for your consideration, but I think I'm ready, next time."
Anthony's breath hitched and he felt that thrust in his loins. "Really?"
"Not for penetration just yet... I want to but I'm going to need to work my way there, after..." He didn't finish the sentence.
"Understandable. We can do other things." Anthony's mind immediately went there with Sören sucking his cock, and wondering what it would be like to go down on Sören - he'd never given cunnilingus before. Prior to a few weeks ago, he never thought he'd be interested in someone with a vagina, but Sören was all man to him.
My man, Anthony thought to himself.
"OK. That sounds good." Sören leaned in.
"OK. So... do you want to come over on Friday - I leave work a little early on Fridays because of Shabbos - and we can go to services Friday night and then spend the entire weekend together? You can bring your cat."
"Jæja, I'll bring my kitty," Sören said, with a smirk that let Anthony know he meant that in more than one way.
"Good." Anthony also leaned closer. "I'm looking forward to... spoiling your kitty." He gave Sören a pointed look.
Their mouths crushed together, their lips parted, and their tongues met for the first time. Sören threw his arms around Anthony, and Anthony took Sören's face in his hands, kissing him passionately, caught up in the moment. They kissed like they were starving for it, kissed until they were breathless. When they pulled back, Sören's cheeks were flushed and his dark eyes glittered.
Anthony was hard, and Sören looked down at the bulge in his jeans, then back up with a satisfied look on his face.
"You know, you're a terrible tease," Anthony husked.
"Takk." Sören attempted a wink that was more of a clumsy blink, then said, "I'll see you Friday afternoon," blew a kiss... and on his way out, gave a sassy butt wiggle.
Anthony laughed, but his cock ached. And the minute he got home, he brought himself off again, thinking of all the delicious possibilities of the coming weekend.
But even more than looking forward to having sex, he was looking forward to having Sören in his arms again, spending time with him. It wasn't just lust - he was falling in love.
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