"Are you OK?" Anthony gave a concerned frown. "You've barely touched your breakfast."
"Jæja, I'm fine," Sören lied, pushing his plate over to Anthony. "Here, you can finish it."
Anthony narrowed his eyes. "You better not be starving yourself again."
"Oh shit, fuck, no." Sören shook his head vehemently. "I honestly have just... had no appetite the last few days, it's nerves. You know how it is. After tonight when it's all finally said and done, I'm sure my stomach will remind me it exists." Sören gave him a reassuring smile.
Sören was not, in fact, starving himself, but the mere sight and smell of food had made him nauseated the last few days... and in the morning in particular. He'd been telling himself it was nerves, just like he'd just finished telling Anthony, but he also was familiar enough with his usual anxiety responses to know his nerves usually didn't do that.
Just before they'd left for New York and had hit a store to buy travel supplies, Sören had discreetly wandered off down to the display of pregnancy tests. Now that they were in the hotel and Anthony couldn't easily find it in the trash, it was time to take it - he'd thought about taking it last night when they had just arrived, but they were both too tired. So Sören waited until Anthony was preoccupied texting their catsitter, and stopped in the restroom. He realized that whether the pregnancy test was negative or positive, he was going to have to tell Anthony this had even been a concern, but right now... One thing at a time, Sören told himself.
He pissed and collected a urine sample, washed his hands, and followed the test's instructions. The test was five minutes long, and Sören paced around the bathroom floor, fidgeting, checking his cell phone for the time. At exactly five minutes he looked at the test. There was a blue line in the Control window and a plus sign in the Result window.
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."
"You OK, babe?" Anthony called.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Sören gave a nervous laugh. "Just my stomach cramping." Jesus Fucking Christ, tell him, you coward, Sören admonished himself - but now really seemed like the worst possible time. They needed to get through the show. Their last show.
When he'd begun having morning nausea a few days ago, once Sören had figured out it might not be just anxiety over the impending show, he'd begun mulling over what he would do if the pregnancy test came back positive. At first, the thought of being pregnant horrified him - one of his worst nightmares come true, chaining him back to his old life as female and all the dysphoria that went with it. But now, as he looked at himself in the mirror and his hands instinctively slid down to his still-flat stomach, he knew that regardless of how Anthony took the news, and whether it was a dealbreaker or not, he wouldn't feel right aborting their child... a piece of the man he loved, made in love. As uncomfortable as he still was with the idea of stopping testosterone for the next two years to safely carry to term and then nurse the baby, he was willing to endure it - telling himself this would be temporary - as a labor of love.
He hoped that it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for Anthony. They hadn't really talked about the future yet, though it was implied they had one; Sören was headed back to Denver in a week, they would have to talk between now and then. Sören knew that as a gay man, Anthony probably never had parenthood on his proverbial bingo card, and Sören didn't know if his pregnancy would make Anthony start seeing him as female again and be turned off.
Sören swallowed hard and stepped out of the bathroom. Anthony gave him a hug. "I'm really worried about you," Anthony said. He took Sören's chin in his hand and looked him in the eye.
"Hi Really Worried About You, I'm -"
Anthony gave him a look. Sören stuck out his tongue. Anthony stuck out his tongue and then kissed Sören, who giggled into the kiss; Anthony swatted Sören's ass and Sören's giggle became a moan, cunt throbbing.
"I'm being serious," Anthony said.
"Hi Being Serious."
Anthony put his hands on his hips. Sören did too, mirroring his stance.
"Look," Sören said. "Our relationship is built on trust, right? I trust you not to relapse and start drinking and using again. You need to trust me not to fall back into an eating disorder. I feel like you're this close to supervising me in the bathroom and I assure you, I don't need it." As you lie to him and pretend nothing is out of the ordinary, Sören lectured himself, then he argued back to himself, I really don't need to drop this bombshell before the show and flush the last couple months of training down the drain, OK?
Anthony sighed, looked down at his brogues, and nodded. "I'm sorry. I just... mother hen." Anthony looked at him with a sad smile. "I care about you. I suppose I would better demonstrate caring by taking what you say at face value."
"Good." Sören kissed the tip of his nose. "Let's go practice, so we can go out with a bang, all right?"
Anthony nodded, put an arm around Sören, and led him out of their suite, grabbing the duffel bag of their skates and tracksuits on the way. A few steps down the hall, Anthony playfully grabbed Sören's ass, and Sören grabbed his back.
"We should talk later," Sören said.
"We should." Anthony grinned. "Though it's not polite to talk with your mouth full."
"And you say I've got the one-track mind."
"Sometimes I can be full of surprises." Anthony gave a mischievous little smirk, ushering them along.
Me too, elskan. Me fucking too.
Not only were there no incidents at the stadium - security was a lot tighter than usual - but their performance of "Remember the Time", "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "I've Had The Time Of My Life" was executed as perfectly as Sören could have hoped for. Enough that they got a standing ovation. Barack and Michelle Obama themselves were in the audience, and Sören's eyes misted when he saw the President and First Lady rise, giving the thumbs up before clapping wildly.
Then Anthony tugged on Sören's glitter-spangled sleeve. He pointed to the right, and up. One of the large television screens flashed: WILL YOU MARRY ME. Anthony dropped down and did a sit spin, then held out his arms.
"Yes," Sören cried out, going from teary-eyed to full sobbing. He took Anthony's hands and pulled him up, and they kissed in front of a few thousand people and a couple television networks... kissed for the whole world to see.
Gay marriage wasn't legal in all 50 states yet, though when Sören glanced back at Barack Obama, he gave the thumbs up again, and Sören wondered if this would help motivate it becoming federal law. Regardless, it was legal in Massachusetts, but not yet in Sören's home state of Colorado.
Sören and Anthony took a half-hour to meet with the press, and another half-hour to privately meet with the President and First Lady, mutually exchanging autographs and getting a few photos - and Sören quipped, "I should have worn my THANKS, OBAMA shirt." Then exhausted but giddy, they were escorted safely to their limo and brought back to the hotel. Up in their suite, Anthony had arranged for an ice bucket of non-alcoholic sparkling white grape juice with champagne glasses to celebrate.
After they toasted, Sören took a sip - he was parched, and the liquid was refreshingly cold - and Anthony paused, staring at his glass. "Really glad you said yes, because it would have been fucking awkward to drink this if you'd said no," Anthony said.
Sören almost spat his drink, laughing. He patted Anthony on the shoulder. "I'm amazed you think I would have said no."
Anthony shrugged. "Well, I didn't know if it would be creepy, since we've only been together for a month."
"Technically, we were practically married when we were younger, so I mean. It's not that creepy."
"Besides, it wasn't quite the most proper proposal in the world. I thought about getting you a ring, but I worried that might seem too gay."
Once again, Sören almost choked on his drink; Anthony smirked as he took a sip. "You can't marry me if I'm dead, elskan."
"Necrophiliacs would like to have a word."
Sören gigglesnorted and poured them each another glass. Then reality came hitting him like a ton of bricks, and he said, "Anthony, sit down."
"OK." Anthony followed him to the couch - they were still in their glittery skating outfits, Anthony's blue and Sören's red.
After they'd been sitting for a few minutes, Sören still couldn't figure out how to word The Speech - his thoughts were a jumbled mess of Icelandic and English - so he just blurted it out. "I'm pregnant."
Anthony put his glass down. "Hi Pregnant, I'm Anthony."
Sören gave him a look, trying not to laugh. "Are you paying me back for this morning?"
"I'm paying you back for our entire lives - oh shi-"
"Hi Paying You Back For Our Entire Lives, I'm Sören."
Anthony and Sören leaned on each other, doubling over in hysterics, and then Anthony exhaled. "You're serious."
"Yeah."
"OK." Anthony nodded.
"I know I told you it wasn't likely because I'm on T, but I also told you there was a non-zero chance and -"
"No, I get it." Anthony folded his hands as if in prayer and looked down for a minute, closing his eyes. "What do you want to do about it? It's your body, so it should be your choice."
Sören sighed. "I really, really hate the idea of being pregnant. It is dysphoric as fuck. Like, I probably won't lose any of my facial hair or bottom growth going off T to carry it, but it's just... the idea in general. However..." His hand slid down to his stomach. "I know it's not really a life yet, but I already love it because it's ours. I get it if you didn't sign up for this, though, and you don't want to -"
Anthony put up a hand. He leaned back, and then he looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes again, and this time he was praying, saying a handful of words under his breath in Hebrew.
Curiosity got the better of Sören. "What did you just say? Something something, oy vey?"
Anthony snickered and shook his head. "Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha’olam hatov v’ha’meitiv. Thanks be to You, Lord our G-d, Who is good and causes good." Anthony turned to Sören, his eyes too bright. "When I was with William, we'd talked about possibly adopting - I always wanted one or two kids, but by the time our number was up with the adoption agency things were getting rocky with us and..." His voice trailed off. "So I have cats, instead of kids. But truth be told, I'd like cats and kids. I just... don't want to pressure you into -"
Sören hugged him tight and wept with relief. "OK. So we're doing this."
"We're doing this. Marriage, a kid... yeah." Anthony squeezed him.
"And you're not..." Sören cringed as the words fell out of him. "You're not going to be repulsed by me and start thinking of me as a girl -"
"Fuck no." Anthony waved a hand. "One of my dirty little secrets is I like reading something called Omegaverse, where men are Alphas, Betas, and Omegas, and the Omega guys go into heat and can get pregnant. Like it's more about the relationship dynamics and the feelings and the hot sex, I'm not really, like, fetishizing male pregnancy, but..." Anthony turned pink and looked away.
"OK good." Sören wiped his eyes and hugged Anthony again. "Omegaverse, huh?"
"Yep." Anthony chuckled. "Sometimes I wonder if in all of those billions and billions of universes, there's an alternate universe where we're, yanno. An Alpha and Omega."
"OK, Perverted Carl Sagan."
Anthony laughed so hard he snorted. Then he kissed Sören's nose, his eyes tender, and stroked Sören's cheek and curls. "I do have one condition, if we're going through with this."
"Shoot."
"I want our kid to be raised Jewish. In Reform Judaism, they accept patrilineal Jews so long as the kid was raised -"
"I've been thinking about converting anyway," Sören said, cutting him off, thinking about what Anthony told him when they'd first become intimate - that Anthony had prayed, both times his life hung in the balance.
"I'm not forcing you to -"
"Hi Not Forcing You To, I'm Sören. Or whatever my Hebrew name will end up being." Sören booped Anthony's nose. "I also have one condition."
Anthony raised an eyebrow.
Sören cleared his throat and spoke his mind bluntly. "None of this pink is for girls, blue is for boys shit. I don't believe in gendered toys, boys can play with dolls, girls can play with trucks, all of that, and if it's a girl we're not forcing her to be feminine and if it's a boy we're not going to shame him out of emotions. And I'd like to give our kid a gender neutral name so if they end up trans or non-binary, they might save some money and aggravation with not having to do a name change. OK?"
Anthony nodded. "Absolutely. Totally on the same page here."
"Good. I love you."
"I love you."
They picked their glasses up from the coffee table, clinked them together, downed them, and then they kissed. The kiss quickly deepened, heated, and soon they were kissing passionately, hands roaming. When Anthony began kissing Sören's neck, knowing that was his weak spot, Sören breathed, "Fuck me."
Anthony nibbled, and then he said, "Tonight, I want you to fuck me." He reached to caress Sören's already-hard clit through the thin spandex of his ice dancing costume.
Sören almost came just from that little touch. While he loved taking cock - he was pretty sure he was addicted to Anthony's cock, at this point - he couldn't deny that the thought of penetrating another man with his bottom growth was exhilarating, the ultimate act of affirming his manhood. And he knew full well Anthony wasn't just mostly a top, but he also had a lot of trauma about bottoming, after having been raped repeatedly by his abusive ex Justin, then there was further trauma from William not truly being OK with Anthony not bottoming. So this was an act of trust... the deepest act of intimacy yet in what was already a soul-entwined bond. Sören would have wept, touched by such trust, if he wasn't horny out of his mind. He responded to Anthony's offer with another hungry kiss, and Anthony chuckled as he led Sören to the bathroom, kissing and caressing all the way.
Between working up a sweat from dancing under bright lights, and the makeup for television and all the hair product, they needed a shower. Once the water was hot enough they climbed in together and held each other under the spray, kissing. They took turns lathering each other's hair and bodies in sensual, deliberate strokes, kissing each other's necks, and kissing open-mouthed, tongues teasing.
Once they were all clean and lingering in the hot water and steam, Sören decided to act on one of his longtime fantasies, gently pushing Anthony up against the wall with Anthony's backside to him, and then Sören got down on his knees and his tongue began circling Anthony's opening. Anthony gasped and shuddered, holding onto the wall as Sören's tongue lapped at him, getting him ready. After a few minutes Sören began to lick the sensitive place between balls and ass as he worked a finger in and out of him. Anthony moaned and growled, almost sliding down as Sören made him weak. Once Sören was back to licking him, Anthony began stroking himself. Sören nibbled on Anthony's ass cheek before giving it a playful slap, and licked more slowly, making Anthony moan louder.
Before Anthony could fall over from the intense pleasure, he turned around, grabbed Sören by the hair and pulled him to his feet, and then with a mischievous look in his eye, Anthony got down on his knees and took Sören's hard clit in his mouth, getting it harder as he sucked on it. Sören bit his lip and made guttural noises, enjoying himself until he was right on the edge of climax. "We better..." Sören couldn't finish the sentence.
Anthony smirked as he got up - Sören might be the one fucking him first, but Anthony was still in charge and they both knew it - and then he gave a sassy ass wiggle as he turned off the water. He smacked Sören's ass on the way out.
After they got on the bed, Sören decided he needed to make sure Anthony was as relaxed as possible - and as aroused as possible, so horny that there would be no room for traumatic memories to get in the way. Anthony lay back and Sören feasted on his body, kissing and licking his way down, hands sliding over him, and they locked eyes as Sören's lips wrapped around Anthony's cock. Sören focused on sucking on the head and the first couple inches as one hand gently played with Anthony's balls and with his other hand, he fingered Anthony's ass, slowly at first. When Sören found that spot inside him Anthony gave a soft cry and then a deep growl, pulling Sören's hair. Sören smiled around the cock in his mouth and sucked harder. The next few minutes seemed like an eternal haze of Sören's lust and Anthony's pleasure, as Sören enjoyed himself worshiping Anthony's gorgeous cock and got more and more excited at the thought of being inside that tight hole, and Anthony let Sören love him.
At last Anthony was ready. Sören stroked his clit-cock a little, giving Anthony a show, and then he got on his knees, spread Anthony's thighs wide before Anthony wrapped his legs around Sören's waist, and Sören watched his clit-cock disappear into Anthony's ass, penetrating another man for the first time. Both men cried out at the feel of their bodies made one flesh, and Sören moaned, almost coming as he took his first thrust. Keeping himself in check, Sören thrust slowly at first. When Anthony began stroking himself, looking at Sören with heat in his eyes, Sören gave in to his passion, rocking his hips harder, faster. Soon their bodies were smacking together and Anthony stroked himself furiously, groaning, biting his lip. "Fuck, that's good," Anthony purred.
Sören grunted in response, not able to make words. He tried to push back his orgasm as long as he could, wanting Anthony to come first. When Anthony's breath was in ragged, shaky gasps, a desperate look in his eyes, his hand a blur as his cock made rattling noises, Sören knew Anthony was close. He reached down to take Anthony in his hand, playing with Anthony's balls with the other hand. "Want you to come all over me," Sören rasped. "Come on me, so I can come inside you -"
"Oh, fuuuuuuuuck." Anthony grabbed fistfuls of the sheets as his cock spurted up Sören's torso. Two thrusts later Sören climaxed with a hoarse shout, feeling Anthony's contractions. Sören and Anthony sighed together in bliss, and laughed with euphoria as Sören sank down into Anthony's waiting arms. Anthony held him tight and kissed him deeply; the love shining in those green eyes went right to Sören's heart. "I love you so much."
"I love you too." Sören stroked Anthony's cheek and his hair, and kissed him back. "Thank you for giving yourself to me."
"Thank you for being worthy," Anthony said. He kissed Sören's nose and rained kisses over Sören's face, before their mouths met again. "Also, that was fucking hot."
"I definitely enjoyed myself, though I'm still more of a bottom."
"Hi Still More Of A Bottom." Anthony grinned, and Sören grinned back. They kissed again. "Don't worry, I'm still more of a top." Anthony smacked Sören's ass. "Once I recharge, if you want to go again, I'd like to -"
"Fuck my brains out? Absolutely."
It didn't take them long to recharge, kissing, hands wandering. Once Anthony was hard and ready again, Sören straddled Anthony and rode his cock, riding so hard the bed slammed against the wall, and the wet sloppy sound of Sören's cunt was as loud as their broken cries. Anthony played with Sören's clit, jerking it between his thumb and forefinger like a cock. When Sören was right there, on the edge of climax, Sören bit his lip and made an urgent sound, and Anthony slapped Sören's ass again, setting him off. Sören threw his head back and cried out with the force of his release, and Anthony followed him there, giving a deep grunt of satisfaction as his seed flowed. Anthony pulled him down into a deep, passionate kiss, and they held each other through the thundering of their hearts.
Just as Sören was about to doze off, Anthony's cell phone went off. Anthony made a disgruntled noise as he reluctantly got up, and then his face registered alarm, eyes wide, eyebrows raised, as he swiped to accept the call. "Mum?" Anthony squinted at the time. "It's almost four in the morning your time. Is everything all right?"
Sören waited, trying to make out what Elaine was saying, but her voice was too muffled. After a few minutes Anthony chuckled, and mouthed "she's OK". "Yes, Mum, we're going to have a Jewish wedding. Hey guess what - you're going to be a bubbe." Elaine squealed so loudly it made Sören wince - Anthony held the phone away from his ear, snickering, and with an eyeroll and a grin he went on, "Anyway, we'll arrange for you to come out when it's time, OK? Now please get some sleep. Yes, Happy New Year. I love you too. Bye." Anthony shook with silent laughter, face pink, as he ended the call.
"I want to say I can't believe Elaine called you to congratulate us on the engagement, but also, this is Elaine." Sören laughed too.
"She got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and decided to check the news to make sure there hadn't been any incidents at the event and it's... in the news I publicly proposed." Anthony came back over and sat down next to Sören on the bed. "So... it occurs to me we really haven't even talked about the future."
"Gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts but not in Colorado, and I can take my job anywhere, so it's a no-brainer that I'll come out here," Sören said. "I still need to go back to Denver to get my affairs in order, like packing some of my shit, selling or donating the rest, selling my house, and that'll take a few weeks, if not a couple months."
"It'll feel like longer, but I get it." Anthony sighed and gave him a kiss. "At least we have the Internet and can video chat. And... I appreciate you being willing to start this new chapter in life with me."
Sören nodded. "I mean, it really felt like my life was over after I got outed and suddenly a bunch of irate parents didn't want a trans person around their kids for my skate camp. That was my calling. But I guess..." Sören's hand reflexively slid down to his stomach, and Anthony's hand rested atop his.
"We might have our own little skating star on our hands. Only if they want to."
Sören nodded. "Absolutely."
Anthony's hand continued to cover his and they leaned on each other. "So... uhhh, I know this is really soon, but all things considered, we should start thinking of gender-neutral names, before Mum starts trying to push names at us. You know how she is." Anthony sighed. "Probably something gender-neutral that still sounds... British enough to make my mum happy."
Sören cackled. Then he couldn't resist ribbing him. "Beans."
Anthony narrowed his eyes. "No."
"Beans On Toast?"
"Piss off."
"Beans On Toast Piss Off Hewlett-Johnson, that's got a ring to it."
Anthony laughed so hard he snorted, then tried to stick a wet finger in Sören's ear. Sören put him in a headlock and gave him noogies until Anthony tickled him, and they rolled around on the bed, tickling each other until they were grinding against each other, kissing, getting worked up again.
Never too much, after all those years lost and alone... their love was paradise found.
January 2024
"Mumdad! Dad! Look at MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Rae landed her first double axel, and Anthony and Sören stood up together, cheering.
Beside them were Nicholas and Mark - a couple they'd met in a support group for trans parents; Nicholas was cis and Mark was a trans man. Nicholas was in his late fifties, and Mark was closer to their age. The four quickly became very good friends, and within a couple of years the friendship blossomed into a polyamorous quad, and now they all shared a household. Nicholas and Mark stood up to cheer, and their son Finn jumped up and down, shouting "YAYYYY!"
Rae took a bow, and then did a spin, grinning from ear to ear. The sight of his daughter taking so much joy in the ice, the way he did when he was younger, made Sören tear up, smiling so hard his face hurt.
When Rae's practice session was over and they had touched base with Claudia, Rae's German-born coach, Rae bundled up and Nicholas said, "I think we should all go out for ice cream to celebrate your success."
"I like that idea," Rae said, nodding.
"Can we have hot chocolate, too?" Finn asked.
"I don't see why not." Nicholas glanced at Mark, who smiled and nodded.
The little family made their way out of Crystal Emporium, and just as they headed to the aisle where their minivan was parked, a young man in a hoodie marched towards them, yelling, "Hey! HEY! You're that trans figure skater, right?"
Sören immediately froze in his tracks, and his mind pushed all the way back to the day he'd gotten shot in the men's room, and still to this day hadn't used the restroom there since, holding it till they got home or somewhere else. Crystal Emporium had hired guards after that incident, but the guards were inside the rink. There were cameras watching the parking lot, but if there was an incident there, it would take longer for the guards to arrive. Sören found himself pulling Rae back towards him, and Anthony got in front of their daughter, but then the young man stopped when he realized everyone was on edge, and he pulled down his hood to reveal blue hair and large ear gauges.
"Dude, I'm not gonna hurt you," the guy said. He put out his hands. "I'm transmasc and I skate and I just... wanted to thank you. You're a big reason why I didn't, like, unalive myself when I was a teenager."
As much as Sören hated the word "unalive", which the kids these days were using - and Nicholas visibly cringed - the comment caught him off guard, like a sucker punch to his emotions. Sören found himself stepping forward and held out his arms. The young man rushed towards him and they hugged tight.
"I'm proud of you," Sören said sincerely, trying not to break down crying, giving the guy a squeeze. "Thank you for staying with us and being... yourself."
"Not gonna lie, I'm scared shitless of Trump. But..." The guy pulled back and nodded, eyes too bright. "You kept fighting, after everything that happened. I will too."
"I like your hair," Rae said, and Finn nodded. Sören facepalmed and laughed, and tousled Rae's dark curls, like his own.
"You want to... join us for ice cream?" Anthony asked. "I know it's weird because we're strangers and we're like 'hey, get in our van'..."
The guy laughed, and then he said, "Sure, why not." He followed them to the minivan. "Uh... I suppose we should, uh, introduce ourselves."
"Right," Anthony said. "That's obviously my husband Sören, I'm Anthony, the older gentleman is Nicholas, the longhaired guy is Mark. The kids are Rae and Finn. Nice to meet you..."
"Ben," the guy said, putting out a hand. "But everyone calls me Bean, or Beans."
Sören and Anthony exchanged amused glances, trying not to lose it as their old joke came back. "OK Bean, get in the van," Anthony said, gesturing, keeping a poker face, but his eyes were dancing. As he followed Sören around to the other side he gave in to silent laughter, shaking. "Bloody hell," Anthony said under his breath.
"See, now we have a kid named Beans." Sören patted him on the way in, and Anthony gave Sören's ass a swat when no one was looking.
Snow began to fall as they pulled out of the parking lot, and Sören watched the snow sparkle in the setting sun, holding Rae's hand with one hand and Anthony's hand with the other. "I love you," Anthony whispered in his ear.
"Ég elska þig, elskan. Alltaf."
go to horny jail | return to Original Works | return to index