At nine AM the next morning, Dooku's cell phone rang. It was the "Memory of Trees" ringtone, indicating Qui.
Dooku flipped the phone open and answered. "What," he said.
"I heard that you almost choked Mace to death last night," Qui said, "and I don't mean in the kinky fun way."
Dooku facepalmed. "There are... people... into that...?"
"Oh my sweet summer child."
"Why are you calling me at this hour on a Saturday morning?" Dooku asked. "Could this not have waited until the afternoon?"
"Consider it payback for all the times during my mentorship to you that you felt I had to be up at five AM for some ungodly reason."
Dooku groaned. "Qui-Gon, that was forty years ago."
"Sometimes it feels like it was only yesterday."
"All right. Seriously, what do you want. To yell at me about Mace? Did you know that he and Sören had a Grindr encounter over a year ago?"
"I did not know that but it doesn't surprise me either. And you Force choked him over that?"
"Yes. Er." Dooku pinched the bridge of his nose. "That was a bit inappropriate of me, but I snapped, I guess. He is unharmed."
"Yeah, well my eardrums aren't because he decided to call me up at midnight and scream at me about what a psycho he thinks you are."
"Please apologize to him on my behalf, if and when next you speak to him. Can I go back to bed now?"
"No," Qui said.
"Don't even ask me to go on another date with him, or with anyone at all, the answer is no."
"I know," Qui said.
"What do you mean, you know?"
"How do you feel right now?"
"What kind of question is that?"
"A question you should fucking answer."
Dooku let out a long, exasperated sigh. "I don't feel great, Qui-Gon."
"Define not feeling great."
"Beyond the fact that I could have killed a man last night and I feel horrible about that? Well, realizing that I almost killed a man because I'm still hung up on bloody Sören, is a difficult nail to be hammered with."
And then Dooku realized he'd finally said Sören's name.
"All right," Qui said. "I had an ulterior motive for making you go on that date."
"Did you now." Dooku's voice conveyed displeasure.
"I had a feeling you and Mace weren't going to get past the friends stage, at all. I didn't set you up on that date hoping you'd fall in love with Mace and start moving on with your life. I set you up on that date so you could realize how much you miss Sören and are still in love with him and you could maybe pull your head out of your arse and do something about that."
"Fuck you," Dooku snapped.
"See? Just that alone tells me how much this is affecting you. Jesus Christ, Dooku, you need to get your shit together."
"The irony of you telling me to get my shit together."
"You know," Qui said, "when you were having all this angst about your age difference with Sören, are you completely blind or daft to not realize that there is also a significant age difference between Obi and myself? And that at any point in time, you could have simply asked me, or him, or both of us, for some perspectives on that issue?"
"Except," Dooku said, "you are fifty-nine, not sixty-nine."
"Yeah, and Obi and Sören are roughly the same age, and let me tell you, I've heard all the 'is that your son' this and 'robbing the cradle' that and 'isn't he a bit young for you' this and 'pervert' that. And you know what? I don't give a flying fuck. I love Obi, and he loves me, and that's what matters."
"This isn't just about what society thinks or doesn't think," Dooku said. "I had a very nasty bout of the flu back in January and it scared me. It made me realize that I am old and getting older, and there will come a time when I'm incapacitated just by virtue of being old. I didn't think it was fair to burden Sören with that."
"So you thought it was fair to break his heart and push him away? How thoughtful of you."
Dooku sighed again.
"Do you think," Qui went on, "that I don't share many of the same concerns about my own aging, and how it pertains to my relationship with Obi? And he and I have talked about that, at length. For example, what to do when I'm old and senile and make terrible decisions in my obvious senility... like a certain person I know."
"Are you quite done."
"Am I ever done?"
"Give me a reason to not hang up on you this instant."
"Because you haven't already. The fact that you're even continuing this conversation with me as opposed to just shutting it down immediately, proves my point."
"It has been almost three months since the breakup," Dooku said, "which is about as long as the time we were together. He's had time to move on, even if I were to try to get a hold of him and... confess my sin."
"I doubt that very much," Qui said. "After all, look at you."
"All right. I'm really going now."
"You do that. Think about your life and your choices. I'll talk to you later." Qui hung up first.
Dooku was so agitated he threw his phone.
_
For the first time in months, Dooku hit the gym. He was sore and exhausted when he came home, but the workout had provided the distraction - and the endorphins - that he needed. Despite his exhaustion, he set about making himself a proper meal.
He no longer had a dining room in his flat, and his evening routine was to eat dinner while watching television, something he'd previously found "uncivilized", but it was one habit Sören had gotten him into, and that had stuck during his grief episode, and he accepted it as the way things were with him now. The BBC nightly news wasn't terribly exciting, but he liked to stay informed on what was going on in the world.
At the headline of "KYLO REN STABBING", Dooku almost choked on his eggplant parmigiana. He turned up the volume.
"On the London stop of the Knights of Ren's Starkiller concert tour, Benjamin Sulu aka Kylo Ren had an altercation with his father, the Danish-Japanese entrepreneur Hans Sulu, owner of Millennium Falcon Enterprises, a Fortune 500 company. Hans Sulu was stabbed and is in critical condition; Kylo Ren is in police custody, charged with attempted homicide."
Dooku stopped eating. Immediately, he reached with the Force to pull over his phone, and dialed Leja's number.
Leja didn't answer. Dooku didn't bother with a voice mail. He tried again five minutes later. Then another five minutes. On the fourth attempt, Leja picked up on the third ring.
"Hello," Leja said. Just in that one word, she sounded terrible.
"Leja. I heard on the news what happened. What hospital? How bad is it? Are you all right?"
"Of course I'm not all right, Dad, Hans might die." Leja took a deep breath. "I'm at St. Thomas's."
"I'm coming. Right now."
Dooku wrapped up his dinner and shoved it in the fridge, put on clothes, and got in the Jaguar. He drove to St. Thomas's Hospital, and found Leja in the emergency room waiting room. He took a moment to just hold her, and Leja fell apart on him, sobbing.
"I'm so sorry this happened," Dooku said. "Both for what you're enduring as a wife, and what you're enduring as a mother."
Leja nodded through her tears. "Ben's going to prison for a long time. There were multiple witnesses. This was public." Leja shook her head. "You know what happens in prison... and especially since he owes the cartel..." She started sobbing again.
Dooku pulled Leja close and held her tighter. Eventually they sat, and Dooku actually put her on his lap as if she were his child, rocking her.
Since Dooku hadn't finished his meal, and he'd had a grueling workout, his stomach began to growl. Leja looked up and said, "You want to get something to eat at the cafe? I'll treat you."
"You don't have to -"
"No, I insist." Leja gave him a weak smile. "Thank you for coming here to be here for me."
They went to the cafe together, and after Dooku ordered some food and they sat down at a table, Leja's phone went off. "It's Matt," she said. She took the call. "Matt, honey."
Dooku could hear Matt's voice on the other end, speaking very fast - obviously nervous and agitated - and Dooku thought he could also hear Dagnýr shouting in the background. Leja took out a notepad from her purse and began jotting things down, saying "uh huh," every few sentences and nodding. Finally she said, "All right, is it OK if I send Dooku to Heathrow to pick you both up? I need to stay here in case your dad wakes up."
Matt's voice again, and then Leja took a deep breath and said, "Look, honey, your dad might die. You can be pissed off at Dooku for what happened with your brother-in-law some other time. Now is not that fucking time, OK?" Leja continued nodding and said a minute later, "That's what I thought. All right then." Leja hung up and looked at Dooku. "I need you to do me a huge fucking favor."
Dooku rolled his eyes. "I heard 'send Dooku to Heathrow to pick you both up'."
"They'll be here at six in the morning."
Dooku glared. "You think I'll be in shape to drive them anywhere at six in the morning. They can't... just use a rental car?"
"Both of them are going to be too shaken up initially when they get off that plane," Leja said, "when they need to go directly to the hospital because time is of the essence here. They can get a rental car later when things calm down, or I'll drive them. But please, please do me this favor. I will owe you. Big time."
Dooku pinched the bridge of his nose.
_
Dooku stayed with Leja awhile longer at the hospital, then went home so he could get enough rest to wake up early enough to get to Heathrow on time.
Dagnýr and Matt looked none too happy to see him, but said nothing about their displeasure as they got in Dooku's Jaguar and Dooku drove to St. Thomas's Hospital.
Matt broke the awkward silence with, "He's still alive, right?"
"For now," Dooku said. "He's unconscious."
"The fact that he's not dead yet is a good sign, though?"
"I guess. I'm not a doctor." Then Dooku said, "Speaking of doctors, or people who almost were, how's -"
"Like you fucking care," Dagnýr snapped.
Dooku sighed. "I do care, actually."
"Look. If we're gonna all, like, survive this bullshit? It would be a good idea to not bring up... all of that," Dagnýr said.
"All right. Sorry for even asking." Dooku glared into the rear-view mirror at his almost-brother-in-law.
There was a media circus outside St. Thomas's Hospital, and Matt was recognized for his resemblance to Kylo Ren - Dooku, Matt and Dagnýr had to shove their way past reporters getting in their face with questions. "No comment," Dooku said to them. "Piss off," Dagnýr yelled.
Matt ran to his mother and hugged her tight, both of them sobbing. Dagnýr came over more slowly and hugged both of them.
They went to the cafe together, and brought coffee and tea back to the waiting room. Dooku sat next to Leja, rubbing her shoulder. "You haven't slept," he said.
"No, I haven't," Leja said, her voice gravelly.
"At some point, you need to -"
"At some point." Leja put her hand up. "Right now, he could either wake up or he could die, and I want to know right away, either way."
"Mum, you do need to rest though," Matt said.
"Shut it," Leja told him, not unkindly.
"You used to tell me to go to bed when I was a smol. You're setting a bad example."
Leja gave him the finger, and Matt stuck up both of his middle fingers. Leja blew a raspberry, and so did Matt.
"I love being the mature adult in the room," Dagnýr quipped.
"Yes, if I'm not needed here, I should go," Dooku said. "I think I need a nap."
Leja nodded and squeezed his hand. "Thank you very, very much for -"
A nurse approached them, and cleared her throat. "Leja Bollasdóttir Sulu?"
"Yes," Leja said.
"He's awake and asking for you."
_
When Dooku got back to his flat, just before he could take a nap, Leja called him to let him know Hans was expected to survive, but was going to need a colostomy bag, and Hans was not taking that news well. He was also fairly shell-shocked from having been stabbed by his own son. Nonetheless, Leja was grateful he was still alive, had pulled through the worst of it, and would eventually be coming home.
The next few days Dooku saw a lot of Leja, stopping at the hospital to meet with her when he got out of work. Dooku managed to avoid Dagnýr and Matt before they went back to Toronto. Leja herself seemed shell-shocked, the horror of her son stabbing his own father taking hold, so she didn't talk much, and that was OK - Dooku just wanted to be there for her, let her have someone to lean on.
After Hans had been in the hospital for a week, but was expected to be discharged within the next few days, Leja finally broke her silence.
"The thing that haunts me the most about this," Leja said, staring into her coffee cup.
"Hm."
"It isn't the thing that everyone would expect." Leja took a deep breath. "As you know, Hans and I fight sometimes."
"This is completely new and shocking information. Truly." Dooku remembered just before Leja and Hans began dating, Leja confided in him that Hans was "the most infuriating man in the entire galaxy"; later Dooku had quipped that their not-infrequent bickering was "some sort of perverted mating ritual".
Leja rolled her eyes, and went on, "Well, Hans and I got into one of our little spats the morning he got stabbed. And I say little because it was the stupidest thing. For years, no matter how much I've asked him not to do this, he puts the milk carton back in the fridge when there's just a couple of spoonfuls left. Not enough to do anything with. He thinks because there's still some in there it's not actually empty."
Dooku snorted. "He is a true optimist."
"Not at the moment, but you may be onto something there. Anyway... we argued about that. And he said, 'Fine, I'll go out and get you some more fucking milk,' and I told him he should get some common sense while he's out, and he said 'you know, maybe I won't come home', and I said, 'whatever, arsehole,' because yes, sometimes it gets like that. And we always calm down, and we forgive each other. Maybe our brand of fighting wasn't the best for the kids to see, but we always made sure to show them we made up and we were sorry for anything we said to each other. And we've been married since I was 19. It's just how we are. But this time, when he was out... he made the mistake of running into our son, and Ben just... just stabbed him. And as he was laying there in critical condition, and I wondered if he'd ever wake up again, all I could think was I wish I'd told him I loved him."
Leja reached across the table and took Dooku's hands in hers. "And that's important. This experience, as bloody awful as it is, has taught me something. If you love someone, you let them know. Because you never know when it might be your last time seeing them, hearing them again, and you don't want these things to end on a sour note. If Hans hadn't woken up, if he'd died... I'm already a wreck, but I don't want to think about where I'd be right now. Overdosing, probably."
"Leja. Don't say that."
"But it's true." Leja sniffed, breaking into tears. "I would miss him so, so much. And you know what he said to me when he woke up, when I came in the room? He told me, 'You should leave me. I should be dead.'" Leja began to sob. "This entire week, he's been saying that. And I keep telling him no honey. He thinks that it's not fair to me, somehow, that he's going to need to wear a colostomy bag, that he's going to need psych help after the trauma of being stabbed by our son, the trauma that will be our son going to prison for life for what he did. But he doesn't get it. I love him. I'm just happy he's alive. He may not be 100%, but I'll take what I can get rather than being without him. And I keep telling him that. I'm going to keep telling him that until he gets it through that stubborn fucking head of his."
Dooku smiled, but tears were coming to his eyes too, and not just for Leja.
Leja squeezed Dooku's hands and then patted them. "I need you to do something for me."
"Again? Please don't tell me bloody Margrét is flying in now at some insane hour and I have to pick her up -"
"No." Leja chuckled. Then she smiled through her tears and said, "Go make things right with Sören. For both your sake and his."
Dooku sighed. "I'm afraid."
"Hi afraid, I'm Leja."
"You know..."
"I know."
_
Dooku pulled in front of the coffee shop in Greenwich. It was closed for the day, but there were lights on in the flat upstairs. Dooku got out of the Jaguar and slowly made his way up the steps to Frankie's flat, his stomach sinking with every step. By the time he got to the door, his hands were shaking, and it took him a minute to take a few deep breaths and knock.
Frankie opened the door, took one look at Dooku, and then sucker punched him.
chapter 28 | return to Northern Lights | return to Other Tolkien Fic | return to index