June 2022
After some excruciatingly hot days in May, June started off cool and rainy. Yeyette came home from work on one of those damp days, and the rain made her feel even more exhausted than usual, tired into her bones.
Victor met her at the front door with a hug and a kiss... and a little cryptic smile that let Yeyette know he was up to something. Yeyette put her hands on her hips. "What?" she asked.
Victor put an arm around her waist and quickly led her to the stairs. "Please slip into something more comfortable first."
There was definitely something going on. But instead of pressing it, Yeyette went upstairs and did her usual routine of washing up - a full bath could happen later - and changing out of her scrubs, putting on a camisole and light cotton pants. She let her hair down and sat for a moment with a lavender sachet, breathing in the scent and trying to let her mind drift from the hectic, chaotic hospital shift.
Just when she closed her eyes and started to feel some calm, Eugène circled around her legs and chirped for attention. "Hello, son," Yeyette said, bending to pet him.
"Hello, Maman. Papa sent me to come get you," Eugène said.
It was then Yeyette noticed Eugène was wearing his bow tie, looking dapper. She followed the orange cat downstairs and in the living room she saw a blanket fort, set up on the inside with big fluffy pillows, a weighted blanket, and a portable screen suitable for watching movies. Perfectly cozy for a rainy day like this.
Victor took a small bow.
Then a tray of food and drinks and a large bowl of popcorn floated ahead of Eugène. Yeyette followed Eugène into the tent, and when the opening flap fell behind her, fairy lights went on, bathing the blanket fort in a soft warm-white glow.
Eugène had put together sparkling juice and chocolate beignets, a charcuterie board of meats and cheeses, slices of fresh fruit and berries... and a bowl of hard food.
"Our son was very helpful," Victor said, leaning to give Eugène skritches. Yeyette did too, smiling at Eugène's deep purr. Then she skritched Victor's chin and gave him a kiss, and they rubbed noses.
"And you were very thoughtful," Yeyette said. "This is a nice little hideout here."
"I thought it might lift your spirits for us to have an evening to ourselves, here in a fortress for us to be safe with each other." Victor put his arms around her and Yeyette leaned on his shoulder, relishing the shape and weight and warmth of him, the strength of his arms, his clean masculine scent.
You are my rock and my fortress, Yeyette spoke into his mind.
You are my world, Victor spoke into her mind.
They kissed again, then there was a loud ahem from Eugène. "So sorry to interrupt," Eugène said, "but we also have musical entertainment."
Yeyette thought it might be something romantic or sensual like Marvin Gaye or perhaps Sade. But instead, the tent flap opened with the Force and in floated a Yamaha keyboard, with Noodles and Edmée following behind. Once the keyboard was down on the floor, Noodles pressed some buttons to get a slow, booming hip-hop beat going, and a sampled voice sang:
There's some cats in this house
There's some cats in this house
There's some cats in this house
There's some cats in this house
Noodles began to rap:
Hard food freak
Seven days a week
Hard-ass food
Make that canned food game weak
As Noodles rapped, Edmée danced, shaking her tail to the rhythmic thump of the song. It was impossible to ignore how big the little tortie cat's pink butthole was, the size of a nickel - she was a year old and hadn't grown into it yet.
Now from the top, make it drop, that's some hard-ass food
Give me everything you got, gimme hard-ass food
I'm talking nom, nom, nom, that's some hard-ass food
Crunchy kibble in a pot, that's some hard-ass food
Eugène facepawed and before Noodles could do another verse, he waved his paw. "Non, non. I asked for a romantic song, brother."
"Hard food," Noodles insisted, before touching noses with Edmée.
"You didn't like it?" Edmée turned to Eugène, blinked slowly and made a soft mew.
"Er... non, I did not say that. Simply that it is not the right atmosphere for Maman's romantic evening." Eugène quickly added, "You should put it on... what is it called... the Soundcloud. I am sure it would be very popular."
"I agree, son," Yeyette said; Victor nodded solemnly.
Noodles's eyes lit up. "Hard food!"
Meanwhile in Moscow
Larry Hortler was about to do one of the most degrading things he'd ever done in his life, for money. Perhaps not as degrading as having sex with politicians like Ron DeSantis and Lindsey Graham, or the time he almost let his mother's friend Bev seduce him for money... but it was right up there.
He was about to become a Soundcloud rapper.
At leasteth thou mightest instilleth an appreciationest for propereth English in the younger generationeth, Larry told himself, trying to soften the blow.
He took a deep breath and pulled up the beats-making app on his phone. He hit a few keys and when he had the right combination of drum and synths, he began to sing, "Thou neverest lovedeth me, Mometh..."