Anthony Hewlett-Johnson sighed as he walked across the hall to his room. Both he and Sören slept with their respective bedroom doors open a crack so the cats could roam freely - otherwise the cats would scratch at their doors and holler to get in - but that also meant they could hear each other. Anthony slept more lightly when he had stressful cases and was riding on adrenaline, and so Sören's little cry had stirred him awake. He knew Sören was prone to nightmares - they'd talked about a recurring nightmare Sören started having at age four, of being chased by fire demons and burning to death - and he didn't like the idea of Sören laying there feeling scared and vulnerable.
But Sören had gone back to sleep - there was the telltale soft snoring. Anthony had just checked on him a second time.
He had lingered, watching Sören sleep in the blue glow of his nightlight.
Aching.
Sören bore a striking resemblance to Jon Snow from Game of Thrones with a short dark beard framing full lips, long-lashed brown eyes, and dark curls to his shoulders - enough that people had mistaken him for Kit Harington in public more than once. Even if Anthony had never seen the show, he would have found Sören exceptionally attractive; he thought Sören could be a supermodel.
But even more than that, Anthony found Sören's personality beautiful. Sören had been through a lot of trauma in his life - the phoenixes tattooed on his back were symbolic of surviving a suicide attempt - and yet he chose to be kind to others, and still tried to find goodness in the world. He was still so full of life and laughter and light, like a living flame, a hearth fire that made him feel safe and cozy. Anthony was proud to consider Sören his best friend...
...and he wanted so very much to be more than that.
He was sure, however, his feelings weren't returned. From the beginning, he'd seen the way Sören talked about this Nicholas guy he worked for, the shy little smile, the softness in his eyes, the flush in his cheeks. And witnessing Sören and Nicholas chatting just confirmed it - and it was obvious to Anthony the feelings were reciprocal. Nicholas himself was very handsome, the sort of man Anthony would have gladly picked up at a gay bar back when he went cruising.
If watching the two of them interact in chat hadn't confirmed Nicholas's interest enough in and of itself, Nicholas inviting Sören to his home for Labor Day weekend was pretty blatant. Anthony felt like a third wheel, knowing what was up, but he also felt a touch of relief at the invitation being extended to him, like he was going as chaperone. It did bother him a bit that Nicholas was Sören's employer, but he also knew he couldn't claim the high road too much himself, as his own last ex had been a co-worker. And he knew even if Nicholas was just some guy, he'd still feel bristly and protective.
Anthony's lips quirked with a wry smile as he thought of the possible in-person introduction. Hi, I'm not just the roommate and best friend, I'm the Papa Bear who's going to kick your arse if you dare hurt my special, huggable, Australian-opal-deserving Sören.
For Sören's sake, he hoped it would work out. He really and truly didn't want to see Sören get his heart broken - even if he was the one to help pick up the broken pieces, he had reservations about being the one to try to put the pieces back together. Sören had shared horror stories of the realities of dating as a trans person, the "chasers" he'd encountered, cisgender people with a fetish who didn't really see him as male. Anthony worried about coming off that way and making Sören feel gross. It would be especially awkward with the two of them living together, sharing such close quarters. All the times Anthony had seen Sören coming out from the shower in just a towel, the tantalizing glimpse of his curly dark bush, his pierced nipples hard...
Anthony went hard just thinking about it, and swore under his breath. He'd jerked off about Sören more times than he could count, and it embarrassed him every time, but especially now that he saw the writing on the wall and Sören and Nicholas getting together was almost a certainty.
And even so, under the covers, his hand slipped down his pajama bottoms and he began stroking himself.
Prior to Sören moving in with him, Anthony had never fantasized about a trans man before. He'd never been opposed to the idea of dating one, but the opportunity had never presented itself and it hadn't been something he'd thought about often. But over the last several months, he'd watched gay porn with FTM guys and had many intense jerkoff sessions playing the scenes in his mind with Sören and himself. Now his mind raced again, thinking about sucking Sören's hard little cock, making him come... what it would be like to feel those lush lips on his own cock. What it would be like to feel Sören wrapped around his cock, what it would be like for Sören to ride his cock, or take Sören doggystyle, or fuck Sören laying on his back, arms and legs wrapped around him. What it would be like for Sören to take him with a strap-on, or even if Sören had enough growth down there from T that he could fit it in him, like being fingered...
Anthony popped off quickly, and bit his free hand to stifle his cry. After a few shaky gasps for breath tears came to his eyes, once again feeling ashamed of himself for pining like this. You need to start getting over him, Anthony told himself.
But he knew that was easier said than done. He remembered the story of The Little Mermaid towards the end: the eve of the prince's wedding, the mermaid's sisters having offered up their own hair for the dagger to kill the prince and rejoin them in the sea, and the mermaid refused, even though she knew it would kill her instead. He felt like that mermaid now, melting into seafoam like the cum dripping down his hand and shaft.
Anthony closed his eyes as the tears spilled down his cheeks. Fuck.
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