by SemperViridis
“Shake me, aaa-aa-all night, she said
Shake me, shake it don't break it baby
Shake me, aa-a-all night, she said
All. Night. Long.
All night long, baby!”
The musicians were awash in indigo and aubergine lights, enveloped in a misty haze that billowed from fog machines as lead singer Mick Laurie half-crooned, half-screeched the lyrics to the song that had been his band’s first single. His voice was reminiscent of a masculine version of Janis Joplin’s, and he tossed his elaborately-teased hair as he prowled around the stage in black leather pants and red snakeskin boots, with his wide, concho-studded belt slung low around his hips.
Mick had adopted this particular manner of vocalizing specifically for his current persona as the front man of a hard rock band, and fortunately, his vocal cords appeared to be immune to injury from his heavy-metal shrieking.
“Screamed and scratched and rolled out of the bed
I never really got her out of my head
And now and then she makes those social calls
Gives me a squeeze, gets me kickin' the walls”
The crowd was frenzied, dancing and singing along to “Shake Me.” Adoring fans were well aware of the band’s background, hailing from Philadelphia, where Michael Lawrence Finley had grown up learning classical piano and stringed instruments such as the harp prior to discovering his love of rock-n-roll. As a young adult, Michael began using the nickname “Mick,” appreciating its quintessential rocker appeal, and formed a band that quickly developed a reputation for delivering blistering performances, resulting in standing-room-only audiences in the local clubs that they played. But despite their hometown success, Mick and the rest of the band barely eked out a living, working odd jobs to collectively cover the rent for the small apartment that they shared, until they were “discovered” by Aurelio Fiorella, the golden-maned vocalist for the famous rock band Celandine. Aurelio’s glowing endorsement had helped Mick and his band, Silmarella, secure a recording contract, and after initially touring as the opening act for Celandine, Silmarella now had a multi-platinum album and were able to headline their own tour, easily selling out the tickets for each venue. Their music videos received considerable airtime on MTV , frequently topping the daily Dial MTV and weekly Top 20 countdowns, and were always featured during Headbangers Ball. As one rock music critic extolled, “These guys meld AC/DC’s histrionics to Poison’s arena-ready spectacle and do so with a bluesy, guitar-swinging swagger. Singer and main songwriter Mick Laurie is a pouting pretty boy who also knows his way around the neck of a Les Paul. They’re a total package.” **
The swooning fans had no idea that Mick’s history, so painstakingly detailed in the pages of Hit Parader and Metal Edge magazines, was utter nonsense, other than the bit about Mick being an accomplished classical musician. “Michael Lawrence Finley” was simply the latest alias used by Macalaurë Fëanárion, more commonly known to dedicated readers of Tolkien’s Legendarium as Maglor Fëanorion, an immortal Elf who supposedly wandered the seashore, endlessly singing melancholic lamentations for his past misdeeds as a “Kinslayer.”
While Macalaurë certainly had regrets, and definitely enjoyed the beauty of the ocean, and absolutely was still singing, those three traits did not necessarily coincide.
Right now, he was thoroughly enjoying belting out ridiculous, sexually charged lyrics to thousands of concertgoers, and although he admittedly inwardly cringed slightly at some of the more preposterous aspects of life as a rock god, he wasn’t about to let his fleeting chagrin spoil his fun.
“Now let me tell ya, it still feels tight
And we were shakin' after every bite
I feel her comin' in the middle of the night
Screamin' higher”
Mick deftly caught a DDDD-cup bra in mid-air as it was lobbed at the stage, and in the same, fluid motion, he leaned to the side, arm gracefully extended, and snagged projectile thong panties before they could hit the blond bass player squarely in the face. Andy would appreciate it, especially if the undergarment had been worn recently.
All four members of Silmarella were regularly subjected to dubious displays of affection by their female fans, but Andy, the only blond in the band, received a considerable amount of adulation. While he outwardly took it all in stride, he was actually quite uncomfortable with the excessive attention from so many women who were determined to display their feminine assets and demonstrate their ability to rock his world.
What the legions of Silmarella enthusiasts didn’t realize was that the four band members weren’t just good friends, but lovers. And, officially hailing from the City of Brotherly Love, three members of the band exemplified that epithet, being the Elven brothers Fëanor, Fingolfin, and Finarfin, reincarnated as mortals and now reunited with Fëanor’s son Maglor.
At least they no longer had to hide the nature of their relationship because of their familial ties, but they still didn’t feel safe to be ‘out’ publicly, even with the hedonistic societal mores of 1988, so Mick camouflaged his compliments about his male lovers with lyrics pertaining to desirable women.
As he launched into the next verse, Mick winked across the stage at Sparky, the guitarist.
“All night, keep the fire burnin',
'Cause we’re doin' all right
All night, come on and shake it right!”
Sparky’s fingers flew across the strings and fretboard of his red Kramer Pacer, his searing guitar solo ringing out as Mick played rhythm on his black Gibson Les Paul. Mick intentionally reined in his instrumental virtuosity, much as he disguised his true singing voice while performing with Silmarella. Sparky was an admirable guitarist, but nobody could compare musically to Macalaurë, the embodiment of the living Song, and he didn’t want to upstage Sparky in his moment of glory.
Sparky punctuated his guitar solo with a toss of his curls and a butt-wiggle in his skin-tight, zebra-pattern spandex pants, as Mick began whispering seductively into the mic,
“Shake me …
Shake me …
Shake me …
Shake me …”
Another volley of women’s lingerie was launched over the stage, and Andy surreptitiously moved backward, green eyes focused on his custom 12-string Blitz bass, effectively hiding under the sweep of his extremely long, golden hair. Mick managed to catch several of the unmentionables, his movements almost balletic, but he was mindful of not displaying inhuman speed and reflexes in front of the assembled multitude. As a result, lacy purple underwear grazed Andy’s shorter layers of hair, moussed and hairsprayed into a style that resembled the love child of a mullet and a chrysanthemum firework. The violet panties ended up lodged atop the ride cymbal, where the drummer glared balefully at the scrap of fabric. With an expression of distaste etched on his patrician features, Nolan further expressed his indignation by beating the drums with a vengeance as Mick began the final chorus of the song.
“Shake me, aaa-aa-all night, she said
Shake me, shake it don't break it baby
Shake me, aa-a-all night, she said
Shake me, ooooohhh yeah!”
***~~~***
After the concert, Mick, Sparky, Andy, and Nolan signed autographs and posed for pictures with a few socioeconomically disadvantaged or critically ill children and teens who had written to the band, expressing wishes to meet their rock idols.
Other than meeting and greeting these select few fans, as well as Sparky’s close friend Yeyette and her partners, Silmarella generally didn’t issue backstage passes. Partially, this was so that Andy could escape the undying ardor of his most loyal devotees, but it was also because the band members were concerned about the possibility of post-show exhaustion causing one of them to accidentally drop their glamour in front of prying eyes.
Mick employed glamour to blend in with typical humans, Sparky used it to conceal his very identifiable ink, and Nolan glamoured himself to effect a more youthful look, in keeping with his bandmates. Although he was in excellent physical health, he had been approximately twice the age of Sparky and Andy when he stopped aging, and he didn’t want to attract attention with a surprisingly mature appearance for the style of music that he performed. Playing the drums worked well for him, since his huge DW drum set partially hid him from view - an asset if he should happen to partially drop his glamour during a show.
When Silmarella reached its expiration date, and Mick Laurie, Sparky Smith, Andy Hennessy, and Nolan Devereaux were ready to retire, the band members would be able to fade back into obscurity with ease. For starters, they’d all cease wearing garish, theatrical outfits with exorbitant amounts of leather and spandex, and they’d desist from teasing their hair to heights that rivaled Mt. Everest. Maglor would stop striking poses that included finger guns; Sören would regrow his beard (it remained to be seen whether he’d wear his hair shorter, or rather, less-long); Anthony would revert to having short, dark hair; and Nicholas would appear to be a few decades older than “Nolan.”
Sören knew that he would miss wearing red leather boots and leg warmers with zebra-print pants on a regular basis in public, and he would keenly miss Anthony’s long, blond hair - although he was perfectly happy with Anthony’s natural hair. But it had been Finarfin’s glorious silver-gold hair that had inspired the creation of the Silmarils, and the Silmarils, in turn, had influenced the name of the band for which Anthony had grown out and peroxided his hair.
Of course, the band’s name also encouraged critics who didn’t appreciate their sound to coin the mocking moniker, “Salmonella.” Sören had anticipated it and Anthony found it amusing, but Nicholas and Maglor were affronted, and frequently decried the ignorance of music critics who didn’t appreciate the classical training behind quality heavy metal music.
Sören was already contemplating how the four of them would be able to continue playing as a band together after ten or so years, when they needed to vanish. The members of Silmarella would probably ‘die’ in a tragic plane crash or tour bus accident, and then they’d have to avoid the mainstream music scene for some time so as not to be recognized. It was very possible that, by the time they’d be able to play hard rock music again, the genre would no longer be viable. Which would be regrettable because Maglor, in particular, so completely enjoyed it.
Fëanor had always loved his children to distraction, and Background Fëanor was already working on a solution to the problem, as Sören considered a way to devise a portal to other universes, so that Silmarella could reinvent themselves, over and over again …
~~ To Be Continued ~~
(Yep, that’s a threat, not a promise 😉)
IRL, rocker Jon Bon Jovi helped the band Cinderella secure their first record deal. In this story, Dumpster Phoenix | Verhalen’s readers will have recognized the name Aurelio Fiorella, the meaning of which heavily hints at the character’s true identity.
Apparently, in this particular corner of the multiverse, Glorfindel is a rock star:
** Paraphrased from Rob Smith’s 2018 article, “How Cinderella Avoided a Sophomore Slump on ‘Long Cold Winter’ ” on ultimateclassicrockdotcom
All named magazines and MTV shows really existed during the heyday of Hair Metal music, back in the Stone Age of the 1980s.
All mentioned musical instruments are authentic to those played by the actual members of Cinderella.
The artwork at the beginning of the chapter, which depicts the faceclaims for Sören, Anthony, Maglor, and Nicholas, was inspired by the cover of Cinderella’s first album, “Night Songs.” I considered naming Silmarella’s album “Light Songs,” because Silmarils, but decided against it because the name could also imply that the album consists of fluffy little ditties, when really it’s Very Serious Music. Just ask Maglor. 😄
I defaulted to the Sindarin names of Fëanor and his brothers for reader convenience, even though Quenya > Sindarin.