The next day was excruciatingly long - though both Maglor and Maedhros tried to be nonchalant, like Maedhros hadn't seen what he'd seen last night, the air still seemed to crackle with the tension of Maedhros knowing. Were it not for the presence of the boys, Maglor would have taken Maedhros aside to talk to him about what he'd witnessed.
Finally evening came. Maedhros retired when the boys did, which took away another opportunity for Maglor to check in. Maglor wondered if Maedhros was going to bed to sleep, or just to lay awake brooding...
...or possibly, to follow them out into the forest again.
He didn't get to wonder long. Once again, Finarfin led Maglor out into the forest, not so far from camp that it would be a problem if there was an emergency, but just far away enough for noise to not carry... hopefully.
Maglor remembered the extra rope Finarfin had brought, and sure enough Finarfin carried it with him. Maglor sighed with contentment, cock stiffening to full hardness as Finarfin tied him to a tree. Once Maglor was bound, Finarfin spent a long time licking at his passage, readying him... teasing him, deliciously tormenting him. Maglor went mad with lust and sensation, begging for cock until he couldn't make words anymore, could only moan and whimper, trying to fuck himself on Finarfin's clever tongue.
Maglor almost sobbed with relief when Finarfin pushed inside him. Finarfin was all fire and fury, wildly pounding into him, as Maglor rocked his hips, matching the rhythm, desperate for it. Finarfin grabbed Maglor's hair and licked and bit his neck, growling. "Such a slut for this," Finarfin purred.
"Yes, hántya, yes..."
With Finarfin's hand stroking his cock, foreheads pressed together, breathing each other's breath, Maglor came explosively, howling into a deep, fierce kiss. Two thrusts later Finarfin threw back his head and cried out as he filled Maglor with seed, so much of it that it spilled down Maglor's thighs.
Once again Maglor saw silver eyes watching him... Maedhros's lips parted in shock... and it made his orgasm all the stronger, spraying another arc of cream up Finarfin's torso. Before Maglor could call out and ask Maedhros if he wanted to join them, Maedhros ran off.
Back in Finarfin's tent, Maglor lay awake for a long time, wrestling with the question of whether or not to go to Maedhros's tent and ask if he liked what he saw...
...or perhaps if he'd watched with the same sort of horror as when their father died. Maglor swallowed hard; the idea that Maedhros might have looked at them with disapproval tore at him.
There was only one way to find out. They were going back to the palace tomorrow.
Though the trip back to Alqualondë was long, Maedhros and Maglor avoided the discussion of what had been seen. Indeed, it seemed like Maedhros was avoiding him altogether, not looking or talking to him all the way back. The storm in Maglor's stomach built and built, and by the evening meal he could barely touch his food, feeling sick with apprehension.
He decided the only way out was through, and after the meal was over, Finarfin nodded at Maglor as if he sensed what Maglor needed to do. Maedhros left the table with a mumbled thanks, and a moment later Maglor followed after him.
"Nelya," Maglor yelled.
Maedhros stopped in his tracks but did not turn around.
Maglor caught up with him, and got in front of him. They both looked off to the side to see if anyone else was observing, even though a conversation between two brothers was hardly anything to notice - and then their eyes met. "We need to talk," Maglor said.
Maedhros gave a curt nod. "Yes, we do."
They went to Maglor's bedchamber to ensure privacy - even then, Maglor kept his voice down, and hoped Maedhros would do the same, not wanting the sensitive discussion to carry beyond the bedroom walls. But Maglor instantly regretted bringing Maedhros here and not a more neutral location. While most of Maglor's sexual activity with Finarfin had happened in Finarfin's bedchamber - really, it felt like their bedchamber at this point - or in the dungeon, it still felt loaded to talk about this here, and Maedhros seemed acutely aware of that, his glance shifting around the room, squirming a little in his seat.
After a long, awkward silence, Maglor took a deep breath and gathered his words. "You and I both know what this is about." Another pause. "What you saw."
"Yes."
The word just hung there, and their eyes met. Maedhros's expression was neutral rather than angry - frustratingly neutral, and it felt like Maedhros was shielding his mind as well.
Maglor leaned back in his chair, folded his hands in his lap, and stared down at them for a moment, trying to think of how to continue. He remembered charging through a field of arrows and spears flying at him... looking into the eyes of Orcs. Those days still haunted his dreams and he was sure they weren't completely over, that they would face the forces of evil again, perhaps soon.
Somehow, this was worse. He looked back into his brother's eyes. I'm probably in danger.
Maglor decided to let Maedhros take the lead in the discussion, and he could try to adapt to whatever Maedhros's stance was. It would be easier to defend his position than try to make a case for it.
"I assume you have some thoughts about what you witnessed," Maglor said.
Another curt nod, another long silence. Maglor felt ready to climb the walls and start tearing his hair out, but he waited.
Finally, Maedhros said, "I knew Ara liked men. I've known that for a long time. Many years ago, I saw him kissing A -"
Maglor put up a hand, and Maedhros trailed off before he could say the name. Maglor exhaled; he didn't need to hear about Finarfin's late lover. He knew he couldn't hold a grudge against that relationship, whoever it had been with, he couldn't rightfully expect Finarfin to be celibate all his life, but he still felt that prickle of jealousy, even now.
Even as he knew he was a hypocrite for wanting another man, and his own brother at that. He wasn't just coming clean with Maedhros about his secret affair with Finarfin, but at some point he was going to have to tell Finarfin how he felt about Maedhros, whether or not that attraction was returned - and Maglor didn't expect it to be, they were brothers.
...Maglor still racked his brain for who would have been in close enough proximity to Finarfin - who was also known to them - whose name started with an A. He didn't want to speculate, and he was sure his mind drawing a blank was his mental resistance to that knowledge, not wanting to get irrationally angry and upset that Finarfin had touched another man. After all, he wore that same plug inside him, that had once belonged to that lover.
A plug his own father had made. It seemed like everyone knew Finarfin's "secret", but himself until a few months ago.
Maedhros continued. "I knew Ara liked men. I didn't know that you liked men."
"The Laws," Maglor said.
"And yet, you knew Finno and I were together. You could have told me -"
"And possibly been overheard, been exposed by the wrong people. Which is why I didn't tell you about Daeron... and why I haven't told you about Ara, before now. If this got out, there would be consequences." Maglor looked into Maedhros's beautiful eyes, like a stormy sea, echoing the storm roiling inside him. "Not the least of which being, I worried that you would disapprove, that you would judge, that you might see to my punishment, yourself -"
Maedhros threw back his head and laughed bitterly, then he gave Maglor a stern look. "You honestly think I would betray my own brother?"
"Our father did," Maglor said, closing his eyes, thinking of the burning ships. It made even less sense when Maglor knew Fëanor and Fingolfin actually hadn't been enemies all along, not really and truly until the end. And yet, Fingolfin had loved Fëanor enough to stand down Morgoth...
...There was the faintest glimmer in Maglor's mind, pieces of the puzzle starting to move towards each other, but not assembling just yet. The seed of knowledge, not yet become fruit. Then Maglor brought himself back to the present.
"Káno, I can hardly judge you considering my own relationship violated the Laws. The Laws against people loving the same gender. The Laws against close relatives laying together. If anything, I'm relieved that... you're not alone anymore." Maedhros looked off to the side, out the window - out into time and space. It was almost as if Fingon was with them now, in spirit; Maglor could still see him so clearly in his mind's eye, blue eyes shining as he smiled worshipfully at Maedhros. "Loneliness is one of the most terrible burdens one can carry."
"Ai," Maglor said, wanting to go across the room and take his brother into his arms, but he held back. Knowing he would be taking Maedhros to his bed if he held him now, and as badly as Maglor wanted that, it was one thing for Maedhros to accept Maglor's relationship with Finarfin - a relief, to be sure - and another thing for them to cross that line.
"And besides..." The serious look on Maedhros's face became that old, mischievous grin Maglor loved. "I think Ara probably punishes you much more than the Valar could. It looked like your arse was taking a real pounding, out there."
Maglor's face burned and he doubled over with silent, heaving laughter, eyes tearing up - Maedhros's candor was something Maglor loved about him the most. Maedhros was indeed very much like their father in that.
"If only you knew," Maglor said, holding off on telling Maedhros about his exploits in the dungeon, not wanting to overload Maedhros with that information. And it was one thing for Maedhros to know Maglor and Finarfin were intimate and be fine with that, one thing for Maedhros to see Maglor tied to a tree and used, another for Maedhros to know the full story that sometimes Finarfin beat him and he liked it rather a lot.
"I bet I have some idea. I could tell you stories about Finno... well, I won't." Maedhros grinned again and then he laughed too, face pink... eyes sparkling.
Maglor almost wished Maedhros would tell him those stories, but he didn't want to get visibly aroused in front of his brother, and have him realize the reason why. It still didn't keep him from wondering what the sex between Maedhros and Fingon had been like... wishing he'd watched. Wishing he'd joined in.
Maedhros cocked his head to one side and raised an eyebrow. "I'd ask if he was any good, but you made quite a mess both times, so I'm assuming the answer is yes."
"Yes. Damn you, Nelya." Maglor's face burned and he heaved with laughter again, that became less silent. Maedhros laughed along with him, the pink in Maedhros's cheeks now a hot red. Maglor was sure Maedhros was replaying those scenes in his mind's eye, and Maglor wondered if Maedhros liked what he saw.
More like hoped.
"Well..." Maedhros stood up and reflexively brushed himself off. "I don't want to keep you from seeing Ara tonight, so I suppose I'll be off."
"You know I never mind spending time with you, Nelya, and I'm sure Ara will understand if I'm a little late." Maglor folded his arms. "After all... he saw you, too."
"He did." Maedhros nodded. "Has he said anything about it?"
"No, but that's Ara. He tends to carefully observe and examine a situation before passing any kind of judgment. Rather the opposite of Atya, I suppose."
"No wonder they -" Then Maedhros pursed his lips, stopping himself. He looked out the window again, and then back at Maglor, and held out his arm.
Maglor went across the room to him - wondering if there was more to that unfinished statement, something Maedhros knew that he didn't - and they held each other tightly, looking into each other's eyes. Maglor reached up and touched Maedhros's cheek, overcome by the beauty of his brother, the fierce love for him, and the sheer relief that Maedhros knew, now, and bore no ill will. "You're sure this is fine with you...?"
Maedhros put a finger to Maglor's lips. "Yes. I wish you both all the happiness. You deserve it."
And just like that, Maglor broke, his laughter become tears, a mixture of release from the burden lifted of his shoulders, and grief for Maedhros's grief, wishing there was something he could do to ease that pain. "It doesn't feel right, to be happy when you're still so sad," Maglor choked out, feeling like his heart was breaking for his beloved brother, wanting so much to fix everything, powerless to do so. "I know you can never replace Finno, but I hope you find someone -"
Maedhros sighed deeply. He kissed Maglor's brow - just that little touch of his soft lips was like being struck by lightning - and then Maedhros said, softly, "The one I want is right in front of me, but I don't expect you to feel the same way, Kanafinwë."
Maglor's mouth dropped open, not able to believe what he'd just heard, as Maedhros's lips slid down his nose, and then their mouths crushed together. Maglor threw his arms around his elder brother's neck and pulled him closer as their tongues met for the first time, insistently lapping, lashing with the promise of the way they could move inside each other. Both brothers groaned into the kiss, and Maglor instinctively thrust out his hips, letting Maedhros feel his hardness, his need.
They pulled apart, breathing harder, and before Maglor could say or do more, Maedhros turned pink again and dashed out of Maglor's room, the door closing hard behind him. Maglor stood there, stunned, head spinning, cock throbbing. He had a mind to follow Maedhros out and drag him back into the room, finish what they'd started - let Maedhros know the feelings were more than mutual - but he let Maedhros go.
If they crossed this line there was no going back. Life was already complicated enough with one lover that defied the Laws, forever having to watch their backs, let alone two. And that was without getting into the issue of lovers' spats - Maglor remembered how bitterly Maedhros and Fingon had argued, sometimes, and while they had never kept apart for long, it was potentially much more difficult with one's own brother. Maglor once again thought of the burning ships, and for the first time he wondered if Fëanor and Fingolfin had...
No, that can't be possible. A frisson went down Maglor's spine, not wanting to think what he just thought. That was downright perverted, to picture Fëanor and Fingolfin...
Maglor's cock jolted, the thought of his father and older uncle naked and writhing together in passion almost undoing him in his pants. His face burned with shame. I cannot think of my own father this way.
Maglor was sure his mind was jumping to ridiculous conclusions as a form of projection due to his own lust for his own brother. On the one hand, it made too much sense, an explanation of why Fëanor burned the ships - a lover scorned. He remembered the way Fëanor cried out his brothers' names as he died. On the other hand, his father had been King, and that was most unkingly, a bad example of the Laws.
Now Arafinwë is King, and yet you and he -
Maglor knew he could ask Finarfin if his theory about Fëanor and Fingolfin was correct, and Finarfin would tell him the truth. Maglor didn't know if he could handle the truth right now. This, with Maedhros, was bad enough.
Maglor remembered something Finarfin had told him when this began. I do not expect you to be exclusive with me. I do expect you to tell me if you take any other lovers. With the caveat that our secret must be kept and so you would be introducing me as your guardian and not your lover, I would like to meet them and make sure they are suitable.
Maglor took a deep breath. He needed to tell Finarfin about what just happened, and now there was a new, fresh fear - that Finarfin might disapprove.
But he owed Finarfin honesty. It seemed wrong to put his life in Finarfin's hands each time he was bound - each time Finarfin held the blade to his flesh - and not tell him about this.
Maglor stepped out and began the journey down to Finarfin's study.
To Maglor's surprise, Finarfin was not surprised at all. And Maglor knew perhaps it shouldn't have come as a surprise - he himself had just remarked on Finarfin's observant nature a short while ago.
"I won't tell you what to do," Finarfin said, steepling his hands on his desk. "I won't stand in your way. I want you to be happy, Kanafinwë. There are far worse people I could share you with."
For a brief, cheeky instant, Maglor thought about asking Finarfin if he meant that sharing literally - if he would be open to the three of them making love together, comforting Maedhros together. But he knew that was a lot to ask, and Maedhros had to be comfortable with it as well. Maglor remembered Maedhros's words: The one I want is right in front of me. One, singular.
He had enough to deal with right now, and of course he'd mentioned those concerns to Finarfin, laying it all bare.
Finarfin went on, addressing those concerns now. "I do think you should at least sleep on it before you make a decision whether or not to... pursue this. Because you know it will change everything. It carries more risk, like you said."
Maglor pursed his lips. "You said you won't tell me what to do. That isn't the same as approval." Their eyes met. "If you disapprove -"
Finarfin chuckled. "Ai, Kanafinwë, no, I would be a hypocrite, considering our own relationship. Not to mention..." Finarfin's voice trailed off and he looked off to the side, cheeks suddenly pink.
Maglor wondered then if Finarfin had looked at Maedhros with the same lust - he very much hoped so - but there seemed something... more... to his statement.
Maglor opened his mouth, meaning to ask about his speculation as to the true nature of Fëanor and Fingolfin's relationship - if that perhaps explained why Fëanor knew so much about Finarfin's lover, right down to crafting a plug for him, the very plug he wore in his hole right now, if Finarfin had trusted Fëanor with that information because he knew what was going on - but he couldn't find his words. Somehow that subject still seemed too fraught, like it would be ripping open an old wound, and everything was already too much with this new development with Maedhros.
"I don't disapprove," Finarfin said, looking into Maglor's eyes. "On the contrary. I just want you to be careful, and I very much want you to take a step back tonight and consider everything. This could go very, very right, or very, very wrong. I don't want your life to go up in flames."
Maglor found that an interesting turn of phrase, and he knew Finarfin often chose his words deliberately - he was almost certain now Finarfin had answered his question about Fëanor, without it ever being asked. But for now he wasn't going to touch it. He definitely wasn't going to keep thinking about it, Fëanor and Fingolfin kissing, running their hands over each other's naked bodies, cock rubbing cock, pre-spend glistening, making streamers...
Maglor's cock leapt back to attention. Dammit. He didn't want to think about his own father like this. His own beautiful father. Maedhros was so very like him, but with long, fiery red hair, as if Fëanor had fashioned it with his own inner flame -
"I think you should spend the night alone," Finarfin said softly, "so you can think with a clear head."
And that was what Maglor did. He ached for Finarfin's touch like never before - wanting to get out of his head and escape from the anxiety, wanting to escape from the empathy for Maedhros's grief - but he also knew his uncle was very wise, and he needed to sit alone with his thoughts, being ever so careful that he was walking the right path.
It was the longest night of Macalaurë Fëanorion's life, even longer than nights of exile, nights of war, nights of hardship. He could not sleep, only toss and turn, restless, as his mind's eye played every possible scenario where this could go wrong... and every possible scenario where this could go right, happiness and ecstasy beyond his wildest hopes.
When morning broke, Maglor felt utterly exhausted, and not wanting to face the day, but staying in bed felt like a defeat.
He had an appointment to spar with Maedhros, like usual. But when he met Maedhros in the courtyard, Maedhros put his sword down and gave him a disapproving look.
"You look like shit," Maedhros told him.
Maglor narrowed his eyes. "Hello to you too."
Maedhros nervously rubbed his chin, as if he realized he'd said something insensitive, and then he put his hand on his hip. "Couldn't sleep?"
"No." Maglor looked at Maedhros's sword, then up at the sky. "I don't feel like sparring today." He was tired, of course, but it was more than that.
And that was how Maedhros and Maglor ended up walking out to the beach together, just the two of them, while the boys were in their lessons. They said nothing on the trail, keeping silence... keeping distance... but once they'd stripped down to their smallclothes, Maglor took Maedhros's hand and they walked into the waves together, holding hands, Maglor's entire body tingling with excitement. His decision had been made. There was no need for words.
Standing out meters away from shore, the waves rolling over Maglor's shoulders, looking up at his brother's glistening torso and damp hair, Maglor grabbed Maedhros and kissed him back with all of his might. They kissed until they were breathless, then pulled apart, laughing, nuzzling. Their tongues licked together, playfully teasing, before their mouths met again, kissing deeply, and Maglor's cock strained against the smallclothes, aching for relief.
They kissed and kissed, holding each other as the tides flowed. The blue of the sea had reminded Maglor of Fingolfin's eyes - of Fingon's - and it had been at the sea that the Noldolantë had first come to him, the song of tears unnumbered. Now, standing together in the ocean, it felt like rebirth. Like washing away those tears.
There was risk, but there was the promise of living again - what their father had fought for, died for. They might still be under the yoke of the Valar, but they were still free in their hearts, and their two hearts beat as one now, kissing as if they were making up for lost time.
Maedhros led his brother back to shore and their smallclothes fell to the sand. They tumbled down into the sand together, kissing. Maglor rolled Maedhros onto his back and lavished love on him, knowing how touch-starved he was - like he himself had been. Maglor kissed and licked Maedhros's neck, his shoulders, down one muscular, veiny arm and up his stump, then licked and suckled Maedhros's hard nipples, making Maedhros clutch at him, panting. Maglor's kisses trailed down Maedhros's chest to his stomach, licking here, nibbling there, then down his right side and hip and thigh, and up his left thigh and hip and side, back up to his stomach, then to tease the nipples some more, playing with one as he sucked the other hard, Maedhros's cries echoing over the waves.
Maglor tenderly rubbed his nose in the copper bush and then his lips wrapped around Maedhros's cock, their eyes locked. Maedhros moaned as Maglor swallowed his cock down halfway, and Maglor got to work, eagerly bobbing his head up and down, sucking his brother's cock like he was starving for it. Soon Maedhros was writhing in the sand, rocking his hips, his one hand in Maglor's hair, panting. His eyes rolled back and he whimpered and Maglor's cock jolted, mad with lust as he watched his brother undone bit by bit.
Before Maedhros could come in his mouth, Maedhros took his cock out of Maglor's mouth and rasped, "I want to suck you, too."
They lay on their sides with their heads between each other's legs, sucking each other, moaning with their mouths full. It didn't take long for them to reach that edge, shaking. Maglor needed to come but he never wanted to stop sucking Maedhros, or feeling Maedhros's luscious mouth on him, so talented from years of practice with Fingon. They both got lost in that place where time seemed to stop and all that mattered was their hot lust for each other, sucking madly, but at last they shattered, Maedhros coming first, howling around Maglor's cock, and that set off Maglor's own release, groaning deeply as he flooded his brother's mouth with seed.
They kissed, sharing their cream, making a sloppy mess down their chins. That sensual kiss kept the fire burning - Maglor needed more. Of course, they hadn't brought oil. But that was all right. They lay on their sides again, this time facing each other, kissing passionately as they rolled their hips, hard cock sliding against hard cock, rutting against each other like two animals in heat. When pre-spend made delicious-looking streamers between them, Maglor took them both in his fist, and Maedhros's one hand covered Maglor's, guiding the rhythm. They took turns kissing, licking and biting each other's necks, and Maglor kissed down to Maedhros's nipples again, delighted by the way Maedhros whimpered and gasped as Maglor's tongue teased the nipples into long, thick peaks.
Maedhros's hand left Maglor's hand and slid up his chest, to pinch and pull Maglor's own pierced nipples. "So beautiful," Maedhros purred. "Did Ara get these done for you?"
"He did." Maglor drew a nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. "We should get your nipples pierced, too."
Maedhros's response was to kiss Maglor fiercely, and Maglor's hand worked their cocks faster, gripping harder. They continued licking and suckling each other's nipples, kissing, as Maglor's hand stroked them to frenzy. At last their eyes met and Maedhros said simply, "Kano..."
...and they came together, cream flowing over their cocks, splashing each other's stomachs. It was beautiful, and the erotic sight made Maglor's orgasm all the more intense. Even moreso as Maedhros's hand reached down to collect their spend on his fingers, and Maglor sucked the seed from Maedhros's fingers, savoring, before their tongues fluttered, Maedhros tasting their essence combined on his brother's tongue.
"We're good together," Maedhros whispered.
Maglor wondered what it would be like with Finarfin joining them... if Finarfin and Maedhros both wanted that. He wasn't going to push.
Here and now, he was content holding his brother in the sand, the waves rolling in the distance, basking in the warm glow of the sun under a bright blue sky. The past still left its scars - Maglor's fingers idly traced Maedhros's stump - but in this moment, all that existed was love, and the light in Maedhros's eyes.
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