Anthony isn't really surprised by the news Mark is leaving - he's suspected this was going to be the outcome - but he's still emotionally devastated just the same. While he understands Mark's reasoning, and he can't say he wouldn't do the same thing if their places were reversed, he also can't help feeling a bit hurt that after all they shared, the beautiful moments and the passion, Mark has still come to the conclusion it's better to leave.
But he isn't angry. Not with Mark, anyway. Every now and again, he feels a flare of anger at the Valar for the Doom - continuing to punish Maglor all these thousands of years later, and it seems like the cruelest punishment is to give him back his family for a little while and yank them away again with mortality.
Anthony is quietly sad, but resigned. He isn't going to fight with Mark about it, isn't going to try to convince Mark to reconsider and stay.
Sören is taking it less well. Sören tends to wear his emotions on his sleeve, and is quick and obvious to react... unless he's doing very, very badly, in which case he pretends everything is fine but the "things are fine" smile doesn't meet his eyes and he gets quiet and withdrawn and stares off into space a lot. The last time Anthony saw Sören like this was about a month after he had moderate COVID with walking pneumonia and still hadn't gotten back to normal and was feeling tired constantly and experiencing other issues like brain fog, shortness of breath and tachycardia when changing positions; Anthony could tell Sören had been badly shaken by being so seriously ill and now living the "new normal" of long COVID. Sören is here again, not having a meltdown, just going on business as usual but without cracking his usual jokes or being his usual horny self, and that worries Anthony, knowing that means Sören is hiding a fiery maelstrom of emotion, probably containing it until Mark is gone, not wanting to lash out at him in the little time they have left.
Mark isn't leaving for another week yet, but he's already moved back into the spare bedroom across the hall, even though they didn't ask him to do that. It feels strange not to have a third person in the bed with them, and neither Anthony nor Sören has been sleeping well since the announcement.
Now, tonight, Anthony just plain can't sleep. He stares up at the ceiling, wondering what Mark's life will be like after he leaves for Indiana. Wondering how things will be here over the coming weeks and months as he and Sören grieve together and try to pick up the broken pieces. Anthony wonders if he should try to fight for Mark to stay, or if it would do more harm than good, making the split more traumatic than it needs to be.
Everything hurts. Anthony closes his eyes and the tears silently spill down his cheeks. Tears unnumbered ye shall shed. It seems so massively unfair, unjust for Mark to not even get a year with his ages-long-lost family, to return to wandering and loneliness.
Anthony hears Sören sigh and realizes Sören hasn't fallen asleep yet, either. Anthony's eyes open and in the dim blue glow of the nightlight his eyes meet Sören's and he can see Sören's eyes are too bright, and his face is damp.
Anthony takes Sören into his arms and pulls him close, holds him tight. He pets Sören's curls and rubs his back and starts rocking him, making soothing noises. Even more than his own sense of loss and wishing there was some way to fix this mess for Mark, he aches for Sören, knowing how much harder Sören is taking it. Sören's been putting up a brave front but now he breaks, shaking with silent sobs against Anthony's chest.
"I hate this," Sören grits out. "I hate this, I hate this, I fucking hate this -"
"Shhhhh," Anthony whispers. "He can hear you."
"Good. Fucker -"
Anthony lifts Sören's face and puts a finger to his lips and gives him a stern look. Sören has a right to be angry and hurt, but Anthony knows this isn't a decision Mark's made lightly and he knows Mark feels terrible about it. He doesn't want to make Mark feel worse and sour the happy memories Mark has from their all-too-brief time together. "Elskan," Anthony says softly, addressing Sören in his native language to make a point. "It's OK to cry. But please don't start shit with him. This is already hard enough."
Sören nods and wipes his eyes, then falls apart again, sobbing harder into Anthony's shoulder. Anthony squeezes him and he cries too, trying to keep it down. But when Sören looks up at him, Sören frowns and his chin trembles.
"Seeing you cry makes it worse," Sören says.
Anthony feels that fierce, tight ache in his chest, touched by how much Sören loves him - and it makes him love Sören all the more. "Seeing you cry makes it worse for me, sweetheart. I would give anything to spare you pain -"
They start sobbing together, trying to be quiet, and not really succeeding. Sören kisses Anthony's tears, and Anthony kisses Sören's tears, and they rub noses.
"Promise me I won't lose you too," Sören says, looking into his eyes. "I'm so afraid that once he's gone, I'll remind you of him and it'll be too sad and -"
Anthony silences him with a kiss. It hurts that Sören would doubt him and worry so - they had four years before Mark, Anthony thinks they can eventually readjust to the way they were before - but then, he knows that couples who've experimented with poly and failed have broken up, and Sören has probably seen those same statistics. He can't be mad at Sören for being afraid. "I'm not going anywhere, love. You've got me. You're stuck with me."
"Promise me. Please, don't leave me too. Please. Please don't leave me, please stay with me, please -"
"Hush." Anthony kisses him again. And again. And again. The flood of tears melts to steam heat as they kiss, stirring those primal animal hungers, the need to mate and rut and affirm life in the face of something dying. Their tongues lick together, playful and teasing, and Sören's hands run down Anthony's chest and back up, his touch sending a shiver down Anthony's spine. Anthony starts kissing Sören's neck and Sören's breathy moan gives Anthony that familiar thrust in his loins, wanting the man he's shared his life with for four years... they've learned each other's bodies well, they've taken comfort in pleasure during hard times before.
Anthony licks down Sören's neck and lovingly bites the sweet hollow where neck meets shoulder. Sören's breath hitches and he thrusts his hips forward. "Oh shit, fuck me," Sören purrs.
And then it feels like a lightbulb goes off in Anthony's head - a very visceral, tangible way he can assure Sören that he's not going anywhere... that he belongs to Sören just as much as Sören belongs to him. "No," Anthony says. Sören's eyes widen with shock and Anthony smirks as he says, "Fuck me."
Sören's eyebrows shoot up.
Since Anthony came out as trans, he's identified as a top. He never enjoyed being penetrated when he was with Steve. He still doesn't want to be penetrated with a dildo - and besides the dysphoria it would probably hurt, having had vaginal atrophy since going on T - but there are other things. He's had enough bottom growth on T that he can penetrate Sören with his cock, like a finger, and Sören isn't that much smaller than him, especially if pumped up.
Anthony gets out their pump now, and Sören tries not to laugh as Anthony brings it over. "You..." Sören shakes his head with disbelief. "You want me to..." Sören points at his crotch, then Anthony's.
Anthony nods solemnly. "Only if you want to."
"I want to," Sören says. "I mean, I'm usually a bottom, but I don't mind switching sometimes. I'm just surprised -"
Anthony kisses him. "I want to give myself to you." The thought of Sören fucking him is appealing, especially right now when Sören needs to know. "Let me take care of you tonight."
Sören kisses him back with so much fire it makes Anthony moan and arch to him.
They quickly undress, and then they spend the next while getting each other ready - kissing, rubbing their tongues together, caressing, fingers playing between each other's legs. When Sören is ready, Anthony pumps him, his own cock engorging at the sight of Sören's cock getting longer and thicker. Once the pump is done, Anthony's finger teases Sören's cock, gently brushing, and he kisses Sören's neck again as he takes Sören's cock between the V of his fingers, tugging it back and forth until Sören is working his hips, breathing harder.
Then Anthony dives down and takes Sören's cock in his mouth, looking up into Sören's eyes as he sucks on it. Sören bucks his hips and moans - claps his hand over his mouth and makes another muffled moan. Anthony laughs softly, takes a few loving licks at Sören's cock, and then sucks on it harder, reaching down to play with himself as Sören rocks his hips, panting, whimpering, and Anthony slurps away. When Anthony shakes his head, sucking Sören as hard as he can, Sören squeaks and lets out an urgent "DaddyI'mgonnacome" and Anthony stops, pulling back a little to admire the sight of Sören creaming, his cock looking wet and delicious.
Anthony lays on his back, a pillow under his hips, knees bent. Sören straddles him and maneuvers until their cunts align. Anthony gasps as he feels Sören's cock on his, and Sören grunts as their cocks rub together.
At last, Sören pushes inside him. Anthony lets out a shuddery sigh as he feels Sören's little cock at his G-spot. He's tight enough that Sören feels huge, and he gives an appreciative grunt. "Your dick is big, baby."
"Yeah, you like that, Daddy?" Sören bites his lower lip.
Anthony nods and growls. "Take it, baby boy. I'm yours, baby."
Sören leans down and kisses him hard, and starts to thrust, his cock gliding in and out, hitting Anthony's G-spot again and again. Sören leans back up and his thumb rolls and rubs Anthony's cock as he keeps thrusting. The rhythm is delicious and Anthony moans, losing himself in the pleasure, and the lust for Sören's body, lust for the hot little cock taking him like a man. "Good boy," Anthony says. He smacks Sören's ass and Sören cries out. "Such a good boy."
"Daddy." Sören bites his lip again, which drives Anthony wild. "Daddy. Daddy..."
"Yes, baby. Daddy's not going anywhere, baby."
"Daddy." Sören whines and thrusts faster, harder, their cunts smacking together, wet and sloppy. Anthony grunts and Sören groans. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy..."
"Take it, baby. Take what belongs to you. I'm yours, baby. I'm yours..."
"Daddy!"
Anthony can tell from the look in Sören's eyes that Sören is getting close again - trying hard to hold back his orgasm. Sören's thumb rubs Anthony's cock faster, and Anthony can feel his own orgasm building, almost there, just a little more... he tries to hold out, wanting to savor, electrified by Sören fucking like a beast, all raw male aggression, his Viking warrior. The rhythm inside him and on his cock is so lusciously intense that Anthony wants it to last for hours, but he knows it can't. Just a little more. Just a little...
"Daddy," Sören pants. "Daddy... Daddy, so close..."
Anthony pulls Sören down into another kiss, and as their tongues lick together they climax together, Sören's cock twitching as Anthony's cunt contracts. They moan, trembling, spasming. Anthony's toes curl and he bites Sören's neck as if he's claiming him, reaching around to smack Sören's ass again. He feels Sören's cock twitch and pulse again, their cream gushing, flowing together...
...and, both of them shaken by the power of their release, they start crying again. They cling together, weeping in awe of a new level of intimacy... and feeling more vulnerable with each other because of it. Not holding back the pain in some attempt to be macho, but holding onto each other.
"We'll get through this," Anthony hisses, determined. He feels like a part of his soul is being excised, with Mark's impending departure, but he won't lose Sören, too. Sören is his soul. "We'll get through this. I love you. You are my light, you are my life. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."
"I need you." Sören's face contorts, what people call "ugly crying" - but Sören's sensitive heart and depth of feeling make him more beautiful to Anthony. "I need you so much..."
Anthony closes his eyes and thinks of Finarfin, following Fëanor's orders to go back to Valinor and spare himself the Doom. He wishes he hadn't listened, though he doesn't know if it would have done any good. "Not leaving, elskan. Never leaving."
"Stay."
Anthony strokes Sören's face and kisses his brow. "I promise, nothing will take me away from you. Neither law, nor love, nor league of swords, dread nor danger, not Doom itself." He knows the Oath was about the Silmaril, but this is his oath to the light that is Sören's heart.
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