Though Sören is not a morning person, the sunrise wakes him up. He looks out the window to watch the dawn kiss the sky, the blue twilight fading in clouds of pink and gold, over the sea. Sören's breath catches and his eyes mist at the beauty of it, a shiver down his spine, hair standing on end.
The clouds change shape and the colors intensify, with more shading. Sören starts to cry, overcome by awe, feeling shaken to his core. He tries to keep it silent, but he heaves and Anthony's eyes open. Anthony reaches up to touch his face. "Sweetheart, are you OK?" Anthony's voice is husky from sleep.
Sören nods. "Jæja. It's just... so pretty..." He lets out a little sob, and cries harder. "I didn't mean to wake you. I know I'm a big baby..." His cheeks burn with shame, even though he knows Anthony has never once shamed him for crying. His aunt and uncle did, and when they got word of his transition, Einar sneered, I can't take you seriously as a man when you cry like a little bitch all the time.
"Oh, honey." Anthony sits up and starts kissing Sören's tears. "Your sensitive heart is one of the things I love most about you." Anthony touches Sören's face. "Your artist's eye is another."
"I love you, Daddy." Sören rubs noses with him and Anthony kisses the tip of Sören's nose, making him giggle.
"Anyway..." Anthony gestures out the window. "I'm glad to see this. It's one of the nice things about renting a van for the weekend, it's easier to watch the sunrise."
Sören nods. Then he frowns a little, thinking of Mark. "Wouldn't want to live in one, though." Mark doesn't even have an RV, just a regular van; Mark gets a taste of a roof over his head this weekend just to have it taken away again, and that makes Sören feel sad. "Poor Mark."
"Yeah." Anthony sighs. Then he starts kissing Sören's face again. "You're a beautiful person. Like a living sunrise or sunset."
"Oh, Daddy..." Tears sting Sören's eyes again, full of love so fierce it hurts.
Their lips meet, then part, tongues swirling, sliding. Sören grabs Anthony's face and kisses him hard, and they both groan into the kiss. One kiss becomes another, and another. Anthony is still naked from last night and Sören is still in his crotchless panties, garter belt and thigh-highs. Anthony starts kissing Sören's neck and Sören's hands roam over Anthony's body, enjoying the feel of his chest hair, his hairy thighs, the toned strength of him. Anthony licks Sören's neck, making him shiver. Sören grabs Anthony's hips and bucks against him, and they maneuver their legs and thighs to fit together. Their mouths crush together again and they start grinding, rubbing slowly, sensually. Sören moans at the feel of Anthony's cock teasing his, and their tongues play, licking, mirroring the way they're moving together down below.
With the colors of the sunrise washing over them, the slow, sweet fucking, kissing and caressing each other, it's one of the most beautiful mornings of Sören's life. He wants to make it last, lost in the look of tenderness in Anthony's eyes, each kiss, the teasing build of pleasure.
But the tension and excitement builds as well, the two of them rubbing together faster and harder, and it brings out the beast in Sören. He shoves Anthony onto his back, straddles Anthony's hips, and reaches down to guide himself to Anthony's cock. Anthony grunts as Sören sinks down, taking the three inch t-dick inside him. It's like being fingered, as Sören moves up and down, and Sören moans, shuddering at the deliciousness of Anthony gliding in and out of him.
As the sky burns orange and casts a fiery glow over them, Sören rides, savoring each of Anthony's groans and the filthy wet squishing, slurping sounds. Anthony plays with Sören's cock with one hand, rubbing, tugging on it, and the fingers of his other hand are in Sören's mouth. Sören's hands run over Anthony's chest and stomach, admiring the maleness of him. Sören rides faster, until he's bouncing hard, their flesh smacking together as the wet suctioning sounds get louder. Sören cries out around the fingers in his mouth and Anthony growls.
"Get it, baby." Anthony works Sören's cock faster. "Ride Daddy's cock."
"Mmmmf," Sören moans around Anthony's fingers.
"You are so beautiful." Anthony takes his fingers out of Sören's mouth and strokes Sören's face, his hair. "Rising like a phoenix on fire."
Sören rides Anthony for all he's worth, bucking like he's on a wild bull. Anthony furiously rubs Sören's cock and pinches one nipple, then another. He takes his fingers away from Sören's cock and puts them in Sören's mouth, letting him taste himself, and his other hand smacks Sören's ass, making Sören cry out. Then Anthony grabs Sören's hips and thrusts, and Sören holds onto Anthony's shoulders, wailing. Anthony leans up and kisses Sören deeply, and his fingers go back to playing with Sören.
"You gonna come for me?" Anthony starts kissing Sören's neck. "You gonna come for Daddy? Come for Daddy, little slut..."
Sören screams as he climaxes, undone by those words, the rhythm in his cunt and on his cock. Anthony comes an instant later, twitching inside him, pulsing against him, gasping. "Oh, sweetheart." Anthony's eyes widen and then he laughs, a grin lighting up his face. "Oh, fuuuuck."
Sören laughs too. He leans down and rains kisses over Anthony's face, then they rub noses and kiss. Anthony holds him tight and they rock together, watching the orange melt away to blue.
When the sky is perfectly bright blue, Anthony and Sören get up to start their day. They eat granola bars for breakfast, then they take turns washing up in the tiny bathroom. Sören is extremely claustrophobic - he was punished by being put in a closet by his aunt, many times - and even though he logically knows he's safe with Anthony and this is a happy time, he still goes into fight-or-flight mode, and is shaking and breathing harder when he stumbles out of the bathroom. Anthony knows, and walks over to him right away, taking Sören in his arms.
"It's OK, baby."
"I'm sorry -"
"No apologizing." Anthony gives him a stern look. They've had this conversation dozens of times, and Sören still ends up saying "sorry" out of force of habit; "sorry" was the only way his aunt or uncle would stop hitting him, and usually not until it had been said many times over. Anthony pulls Sören closer and squeezes him. "You don't have to be sorry. You didn't ask to have PTSD... and neither did I."
As much as Sören hurts for what Anthony has been through, he's also grateful to have a partner who gets it, who can deal with these little fumbles instead of snapping at him or making fun of him.
Anthony kisses Sören's nose and Sören grasps for levity. "You need a shave, Daddy."
"Yeah, I do. I'm going to shave when we're back on Sunday night." Anthony shaves his face with a straight razor, like his uncle taught him. "In the meantime..." Anthony pats Sören's ass. "It's T time."
Anthony packed their box of testosterone and needles. Sören watches as Anthony gives himself the injection in his upper arm, puts on a regular bandage, and then Sören takes down his jeans and boxer-briefs - he hasn't put his packer in yet - and turns around. Anthony does Sören's shot in his left butt cheek, and Sören winces a little once it's over and Anthony takes out Sören's special bandages - these have Hello Kitty on them. Anthony puts a bandage on Sören's ass cheek, then gives it a quick little kiss, and a light smack to Sören's other butt cheek.
"Takk, Daddy." Sören appreciates that tender loving care.
Anthony tousles Sören's curls and Sören pulls his underwear back up, puts in his packer, and then pulls up his jeans and zips and buttons them up. Anthony's phone goes off and Anthony checks it. "Mark checking in," Anthony says, and Sören nods. A few seconds later Anthony shows Sören some pictures - Solly on her hind legs with a treat dangled over her, Seamus sleeping tucked into a blanket, Snúður sitting on his cat tree looking out the window, the three cats relaxing in different locations on the futon. A selfie with Seamus sitting on Mark's shoulders, Solly on Mark's lap, Snúður sitting on the armrest of the chair.
"Awwwwwwwwwwww," Sören says, melting. His cheeks flush a little - Mark is even more attractive when he's got cats on him.
Anthony texts a reply and shoves the phone in his pocket. "They seem to be having a good time."
"Jæja, I'm glad." Then Sören sighs as he looks out the window at the peace of the sea, the forest - Anthony is heading towards the driver's seat; they're going to do some driving around the park, walk a few trails, before they return to the campground tonight. He sort of wishes Mark was here, even though they do need a catsitter, and this is their anniversary so of course they need the time to themselves. It still doesn't stop him from saying, "Mark should see this."
"He should." Anthony sighs too.
Mark continues to weigh on Sören's mind as Anthony gets on the road, and Anthony finally says, "Penny for your thoughts."
"Oh, it's Mark." Sören sees no point hiding it. "It's..." He scowls, angry at the injustices of the world, frustrated that they can't do more to help. "Winter is coming."
"Yes, Lord Snow."
Sören narrows his eyes and sticks out his tongue. Anthony grins. Sören snickers, then he returns to his train of thought. "October is on the way and we'll have frost before Halloween. I know Mark has survived in his van for... god knows how long... I assume he's been homeless at least a year or two. But it's going to be harder, even with the shelter of his van, when it gets cold. There's only so much a bunch of blankets will do if we get a good nor'easter -"
"Yeah, I know." Anthony nods - now he's frowning too.
"So I was thinking..." Sören knows this might create some tension, if Anthony disagrees, and that's not good on their anniversary weekend, but Sören's been thinking about it since they agreed to let Mark catsit for the weekend and the thought isn't going away. "If this goes well, if we come back and nothing's been stolen, cats are fine, maybe this could be a test run for letting Mark use the guest room when the cold weather comes. And it'll be easier for him to get back on his feet if he has an address he can use for stuff, a place to clean up, regular meals -"
Anthony puts up a hand. Sören stops talking.
There is a long silence as Anthony drives, his brow furrowed, and Sören worries that he went too far. He knows that Anthony is wary of strangers - they own a bookstore, so Anthony deals with the public all the time, and some of those are unfamiliar people, first-time or one-time customers... but it's still a source of stress for Anthony after having been stabbed. Mark isn't quite a stranger but they're still getting to know him, and there's a lot of unknown variables. And it's very different letting someone stay in your house, than a brief transactional encounter in a shop.
Sören hopes this won't turn into an argument. They don't argue often, it's only been a handful of times over the last four years, but Sören doesn't like it and neither does Anthony.
Finally Anthony says, "It doesn't sit well with me to let Mark sleep in his van during the winter, no. In theory, I'm in favor of inviting him to be our guest for a few months. However, he doesn't have identification and if he's telling us the truth, he's in danger of getting arrested and sent to prison if he even tries to get replacement identification, and getting back on one's feet with a job and a place of one's own to live and all of that is extremely hard without identification, in this day and age, if not impossible."
Sören nods.
"So realistically, if we invite Mark to stay with us, it's going to be long haul, because we both know we can't in good conscience push him back out on the street after winter's done. I don't know how long, but -"
"But." Sören nods.
"So here's the thing." Anthony looks over at Sören, and then back on the road. "When Mark offered to watch the cats for us, he mentioned he knows we have drugs in the bathroom. He says he didn't check - he brought it up as an example of being trustworthy, that he could have sold it on the black market if he wanted to."
"He could have made bank if he sold T on the black market."
"Yeah. I believe him that he says he didn't snoop, but I took the T with us because we were due for our shot this weekend. Anyway, the reason why I'm bringing this up is... people rarely mention something like that casually. I can tell he's curious. He's polite enough not to snoop, but he's fishing. And since there's a finite number of things the needles could be used for, I would rather he hear it from us. And if we're going to invite him to stay with us, then I think we had better disclose to him anyway, unless we plan on wearing our packers at home 24/7 or if there's ever an emergency when it's you and him alone or me and him alone and he needs to know what drugs we're on to tell paramedics. That sort of thing. Plus... I hate to say it, but if he's a transphobe I'd rather find out now than when he's under our roof."
"Same. Just because he's fine with us being gay doesn't mean he'll be fine with us being trans."
"I mean hell, there are people who profess to be our 'allies' in public who say TERF shit in private, or are buddy-buddy with TERFs." Anthony sneers. "So if you're OK with it, I think we need to have a talk with Mark when we get back, before we invite him to stay with us. And... I don't think we should have the two talks in the same night. I'd like to give it at least another week or two before we invite him to stay in the other bedroom, just to make absolutely sure. And you and I are going to have to talk about comfort levels, boundaries, and what we're willing to deal with, that sort of thing. I'd rather not have a serious discussion of that nature while we're supposed to be relaxing this weekend, if it's all the same to you."
"It's fine." Sören reaches over and pats him, relieved that it went well. "It means a lot that you're even willing to consider it."
"It means a lot that you were thinking about it." Anthony tweaks Sören's nose and puts his hand back on the wheel. "You're a good boy."
Sören bites his lower lip. He loves it when Anthony says that. "You're a good daddy."
"I love you." Anthony smiles.
"I love you too." Sören smiles back.
Because of long COVID, Sören can only take short little walks - ten to fifteen minutes - before he has to stop, rest, and catch his breath, and turn around. He can't handle hours-long hikes down a trail. Sex is different - he's usually horizontal, it doesn't work his body the same way as standing and walking. Sören also aches from his T injection earlier, which doesn't help. Last time they came here, for their wedding and honeymoon, they watched a sunset on Cadillac Mountain. That's not happening this time.
Sören pushes himself - the scenery is exquisite with the forests and the lakes and ocean, the interesting rock formations, he loves the refreshing scent of pine and the salt air, it's a gorgeous day that's neither too warm nor too cold, the last lingering notes of summer. He really wants to enjoy what he thinks is one of the most beautiful places on Earth outside of his home country of Iceland. But each walk feels harder and harder, and by the fifth time Sören feels like he's run a marathon and is struggling to breathe. Anthony sits down with him. "It's OK if you can't do any more today," Anthony says.
Sören knows he can't do any more and that frustrates the hell out of him. He knows this isn't his fault - they had been so careful and still gotten sick anyway - but he remembers being the awkward, unathletic kid who got bullied about it. Lazy Town made him feel like it was OK to just do what he could, but his peers certainly hadn't taken that message to heart. The old shame burns in his cheeks, even as he tries to tell himself that he didn't deserve it, bullying is wrong.
"I hate this," Sören chokes out.
Anthony puts his arms around him. "I love you. I'm not upset with you at all."
"I'm upset with me." Sören scowls. "I feel like such a weakling -"
"No. No toxic masculinity." Anthony frowns. He kisses Sören's forehead and starts rocking him a little. "And considering how you feel, everything you did today is a lot. You tried. You did well. But even if you couldn't do anything, I love you."
Sören is worn out enough that the short trek back to the parking lot to their RV gets him winded again. Anthony drives them to a restaurant and some time to sit down and eat a good, filling meal helps, as does the banter and flirting - Sören is smiling once they leave the restaurant - but when he's back in the RV he feels ready to drop.
Sören just lays down for awhile once they're at Seawall Campground, and Anthony reads an Ursula K. Le Guin book. Sören tries to sketch on his tablet, but it feels like his brainpower was drained by his lungs struggling, so he puts on his headphones and zones out to music till Anthony lets him know the sunset is starting.
It's a five-minute walk across the street from the campground to the picnic area on the shore. They sit and watch the sky blaze red, orange and gold, then pinks and blues. In the twilight, they wait for the stars to appear.
Seeing the night sky through the van windows last night was amazing, but it's even more amazing to sit out under the stars, looking up into that sky. Sören feels that sense of primal terror - being a speck on a tiny blue dot among all those stars - but there's a thrill too, wonderment at the magnificent, sparkling diamond-like stars. The Milky Way is visible. The tides roll, everything is perfect peace. Sören feels so close to Anthony, sharing this with him, a memory he will always cherish.
When they return to the RV Sören is out of breath again - he's at the point where even a five-minute walk is too much - and after they get changed and head over to the bed, Sören says honestly, "I don't think I can do nookie tonight." It's less strenuous for him than walking around, but he feels like his body has had it.
"I figured," Anthony says, and gives him a little kiss. "It's OK."
Sören makes a noise. "It's not OK. I want to, but fucking long COVID -"
Anthony puts a finger to Sören's lip. "I know you're frustrated. But please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not disappointed with you. I'm with you for more than just sex, you know. We can just cuddle." Anthony puts his arms around Sören and moves closer, nuzzling Sören's beard. "I like cuddling. You're very snuggly."
Sören manages a smile, and gives Anthony a little kiss. "I like cuddling too."
Anthony looks into Sören's eyes and plays with a lock of his curls. "Even if something happened where you could never have sex again, I wouldn't just abandon you, OK? It's you that I love. Who you are. All of you. Not just your junk. Your mind, your heart, your soul."
Sören kisses Anthony again, touched by those words. He gives Anthony a squeeze and Anthony cradles Sören's head against his chest, petting him, rocking him, their legs entwined. Before Sören can doze off, Anthony's phone goes off and it's another text from Mark, with cat pics... and another selfie with the cats.
"It's good the cats like him," Anthony says when he puts his phone away. "They'll probably be pissed at us for going away, though. Especially Seamus."
"We'll have to bribe them." Sören strokes his chin. "We should get Mark a little something too, to say thank you."
"Yeah, you're right. Maybe we'll pick up a cake on the way back tomorrow."
Sören laughs. "You and your cake."
"I like sweet things, OK?" Anthony smiles tenderly at Sören and tousles his hair. "Like you."
"Awwwwwww." Sören kisses the tip of Anthony's nose, and snuggles closer, feeling safe and loved. Anthony holds him tighter and they start rocking again. Soon the sound of Anthony's heartbeat puts Sören to sleep.
Sören wakes up to the tinkling xylophone of Anthony's cell phone alarm, rolls onto a cool empty spot on the bed, and groans. Then he hears the sound of rain. He sits up and watches Anthony come out of the bathroom, and they both look out the window at the rain pouring outside.
"There was only a small chance of rain this weekend, but I guess the weather did what it wants," Anthony says with a shrug. He gives Sören an apologetic little frown. "We might as well head back to Bentham."
Sören nods. He stands up to stretch, then he hits the bathroom. As he and Anthony change, Sören pauses every now and again to watch the rain - it's soothing, in a way.
"Can we go for one last little walk?" Sören asks. He got enough sleep and his butt is less sore from the shot.
"If you're up for it."
Once they're dressed, they step out of the RV and walk into the woods. The rain feels invigorating, and Sören stands, face turned up to the sky, letting the rain wash over him like a blessing.
There's no one else around, and Sören gets the urge to do something he's never done before. He takes his shirt off, and before Anthony can ask what he's doing, Sören steps out of his shoes, pulls off his socks, and takes his jeans and underwear down too. He struts around for a minute, completely naked, and then he stands again, tilts his head back, and stretches out his arms. The rain feels cleansing in a spiritual way, even though Sören doesn't believe in anything. But he can understand, in moments like this, why his ancient ancestors deified natural forces.
Sören grins at Anthony. "It feels good. You should try it."
Anthony shakes his head, laughing, but a moment later he undresses. "I can't bloody believe I'm doing this."
"Everyone should get naked in the rain at least once, I think."
Once Anthony is naked, he walks over to Sören and they take each other's hands. The rain falls on them, and something about Anthony sharing this moment with him - spontaneous, whimsical, primal, sacred - goes right to Sören's heart. He grabs Anthony and kisses him, and Anthony kisses him back. They kiss and kiss, naked in the rain, in the forest, in the scent of petrichor and pine. Their hands wander as their tongues lick and tease, and then Anthony licks raindrops off Sören's shoulder and chest, making Sören giggle. Sören licks raindrops from Anthony's neck and Anthony groans.
That sound drives Sören crazy. He grabs Anthony's hands and pulls him along, off the path and into the grass. "I want you," Sören husks, and claims another kiss.
"Right here?" Anthony looks up at the sky, then at Sören.
"Right now." Sören licks his lips at the sight of Anthony with his hair damp and mussed, the glistening chest hair, the beads of rain on his body.
Anthony kisses Sören hard, and gently they tumble down into the grass. They keep kissing, caressing each other, taking turns licking raindrops from each other's shoulders and chests and nipples and stomachs. Sören lays on his back, feeling the wet grass and damp earth at his skin, and parts his thighs, reaching up to touch Anthony's face. Anthony takes Sören's hand and kisses it, and then he settles down, both men groaning at the feel of their cocks and pussy lips together.
They rub against each other slowly, kissing, tongues licking, hands sliding, fingers walking, brushing. It's sensual and beautiful and Sören savors every moment, the pleasure more intense for that feeling of connection between them, sharing something powerful like this. But soon they rub faster, harder, caught up in the rush of rutting outside like animals, wanting each other so much that they'll fuck anywhere. They lick and nibble each other's necks, their tongues rub together, and their cries echo in the forest. Sören rakes Anthony's back again, begging "more, more, fuck me, Daddy, more..." not caring if anyone walks by and sees them. Anthony growls and kisses him hard, kissing deep as they rock their hips, building the pleasure, wet smacking sounds joining their shouts and moans.
With their foreheads pressed together, mouths close, panting, Sören is right there. He tries to hold back, wanting more, needing more, just a little more, not wanting their hot, animalistic fuck to stop. But then he feels himself push past that point of no return. "Daddy," he calls out, nails digging in Anthony's back again. "Daddy!" His nails scratch down Anthony's back as he comes, throbbing deliciously.
Anthony gives a deep grunt as he contracts against Sören, gushing. "Oh, fuck." He bites Sören's neck and Sören cries out as he throbs again, shuddering.
They catch their breath, and then they kiss. Sören giggles, euphoric, and Anthony laughs too. Sören sighs with happiness at the beauty and wonder of the moment. It feels like magic. "I love you," Sören yells as loud as he can, hearing it echo, wanting the whole world to know. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
"I love you too," Anthony calls back. They laugh some more, aware of how ridiculous they are. "Jesus."
"God, that was fun." Sören pats Anthony. "Let's do this every year for our anniversary."
"It might not rain every year."
"Even so. I think we should just plan on renting a van and coming back here. Watching the sunrise, the sunset, the stars." Sören grins. "Fucking out in the woods."
"OK." Anthony kisses him. "You're on."
It's not the first time they've had sex outside - that happened more than once during those first two weeks - but it's been awhile, since COVID rocked their world, and Sören feels almost reborn as he gets up and puts his clothes back on.
His clothes are drenched from having sat outside in the rain, so he and Anthony put on fresh clothes before they get in the front of the van. "We can grab coffee once we're on the mainland and find an exit," Anthony says, and Sören nods. Anthony pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. "I'll let Mark know we're heading back a bit early so we don't catch him dancing and lip-syncing with a broom or something."
"But that would be fun." That mental image tickles Sören.
Then Anthony glares at his phone. "Dammit."
Sören looks at the blank screen. "Won't turn on?"
Anthony facepalms. "Yeah, I put my phone in my pocket when we went for a walk just now, and... it got rained on. So it's all wet."
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize." Sören feels like an idiot for that - they were both caught up in the heat of the moment. Sören reaches in the glove for his own cell phone and when he presses the on-off button a battery appears on-screen saying 2%, then promptly the screen goes blank again. "Ah shit, I forgot to charge my fucking cell phone." Of course, there's not a USB device anywhere in the van.
"OK. Well, I'm sure Mark won't freak out at us getting back a few hours early." Anthony pats Sören. Before he starts the engine he sits there for a moment, looking out at the rain. "I kind of almost don't want to go back. I mean, I miss the cats, so we have to -"
"I know what you mean, though." Sören lets out a wistful sigh. They have a happy life running their shop in a coastal town, but it's even nicer out here with the forests, the mountains. "Maybe we could retire to someplace like Bar Harbor or Trenton."
Anthony chuckles. "Maybe." He facepalms. "God, talking about retirement. I'm only forty-one."
"I'll be twenty-seven soon but I feel older." Sören thinks about the way his lungs bothered him yesterday. He's feeling better today, of course he got a good night's rest and their walk this morning wasn't long or far. "I feel like COVID took years off my life."
Anthony looks over and then he gives Sören a hug. "Well... I hope we'll grow old together. I have no intention of losing you just yet." They rub noses and kiss. Then Anthony smiles and says, "Come on, let's go home."
"And let's see about the first step of giving Mark a home," Sören says, feeling nervous about the impending coming out to Mark - hoping he's not a transphobe. He tries to push that worry away and enjoy the drive in the rain.
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