It was September now, and Sören and Macalaurë had been living together for over two months. Today was Tuesday, September 22 - the day of the fall equinox - and it was a very special day indeed; a week ago Sören had his first show at a gallery in Reykjavik and had sold four paintings and received a substantial commission to paint a fantasy mural in a children's bedroom, and another commission to paint a wedding portrait. So today Macalaurë was taking Sören out to celebrate, a road trip to Reynisfjara. They had wanted to do it sooner, a day or two after the show, but Sören started feeling under the weather the day after the show - he chalked it up to nerves, or perhaps getting a bug from one of the attendees. Sören still didn't feel well a week later, but he was determined to celebrate. So Macalaurë had rented a camper van and here they were, on the Ring Road, heading to the south of Iceland. It was a bright and brisk day, both of them wearing traditional Icelandic sweaters, Sören in burgundy, Macalaurë's sweater an oatmeal color. Every now and again the sight of an ancient elf wearing an Icelandic sweater made Sören giggle, amused by the surreality of it.
It was a two-and-a-half hour drive from Reykjavik but there was a lot to see on the way there. They stopped to visit the Seljalandsfoss, climbing to the cave behind the waterfall to get an exquisite view from behind. Then they went to the Seljavallalaug Hot Pool to take a dip, relaxing in the view of the nearby mountains. They also saw the Skogafoss, one of Iceland's widest waterfalls, hiking to the top of the waterfall. Their last stop before Reynisfjara was the village of Vík í Mýrdal on the way there, to look at the picturesque church on a hill and get a good view of the Dyrholaey Arch.
It was after five PM when they arrived at Reynisfjara. They spent awhile just walking the length of the beach, hand-in-hand. At last they decided to break and have the picnic they'd planned on; Macalaurë took off his backpack and spread out a blanket, taking out the bag of food he'd packed that had been keeping cool with an ice pack: raekjusalat with shrimp, hard-boiled eggs, and pineapple, and a dip of smoked trout and skyr, with open-faced sandwiches of smoked salmon on rye bread with watercress and egg.
Sören took off his own backpack. He had something for Macalaurë that he'd been waiting until now to give. But first, Macalaurë watched with wide eyes as Sören pulled out the KISS dolls, and doll-sized beach chairs, arranging them. He had little drink umbrellas and a shot glass, and he poured a shot of ginger ale and stuck an umbrella in it.
Macalaurë facepalmed, laughing.
"They need a break from rock-and-rolling all night and partying every day," Sören said with a grin.
Macalaurë gave a sigh of mock exasperation.
Sören wasn't done. Now it was time for the present. He pulled out a purple stuffed unicorn with big eyes, a pastel rainbow mane and tail and a glittery pink horn and hooves, and made the unicorn trot over to Macalaurë. "This is to say thank you for helping me live my dreams," he said, putting the unicorn in Macalaurë's arms. "For helping me do the impossible." He gestured at Macalaurë. "For being the impossible. Proof that magic is real."
"Well, some of it." Macalaurë hugged the unicorn. "Unicorns aren't real."
"Shhhh, you'll hurt his feelings."
Macalaurë laughed and shook his head. Then he raised an eyebrow. "How do you know it's a he?"
"He told me," Sören joked.
Macalaurë looked down at the unicorn. "Did you really?" Macalaurë made the unicorn shake his head. "I didn't think so." He leaned in and made the unicorn bobble his head like he was speaking and Macalaurë nodded. "He says you guessed correctly, though."
"Well, go on, he needs a name."
Macalaurë made a noise. "I can't believe we're having this conversation."
"I can't believe you won't name your unicorn." Sören tugged the unicorn's tail and took back the unicorn, making him move his head like he was talking again. "He told me to tell you to name him."
Macalaurë laughed harder. "Helvítis..."
Sören looked down at the unicorn and made the unicorn jump up and down excitedly. "Helvítis is a weird name for a unicorn, but OK."
Macalaurë turned red, tearing up, wheezing. "Why are you like this?"
Sören gave him back the unicorn and stuck out his tongue.
"You know you're a little shit, right?" Macalaurë booped Sören's nose. Sören attempted a wink that was more of a clumsy blink.
For dessert there were fresh strawberries with cream, Sören's favorite, and eating strawberries from Macalaurë's fingers, licking and sucking the cream and juices, put them in a playfully sensual mood. Sören definitely wanted to make love when they got in the camper van.
The sun began to set after seven PM and they took one more walk along the beach, admiring the way the entire sky lit up a brilliant gold. They stood hand-in-hand, watching the gold sky and the silver waters rolling onto the black sand. Sören burned the memory into his mind's eye, wanting to always preserve and cherish this moment of light...
...of love.
They watched the sunset fade to twilight, and then the stars and waxing crescent moon rose. The sight of the Milky Way over the black sand beach and rock formations brought tears to Sören's eyes, his skin gooseflesh, overcome by the beauty and the wonder of it. Macalaurë squeezed his hand and Sören's thumb tenderly brushed the burn scar.
In the camper van they began to kiss, feverishly undressing each other, caught up in the powerful emotions of having witnessed something so glorious together. But as soon as they were on the bed underneath the sunroof, the nausea Sören had been struggling with the last few days started acting up again and Sören sat up, dry heaving.
"It's not you," Sören explained.
"I didn't think so, but thanks anyway."
Sören groaned as Macalaurë handed him water. "I hate this. I'm so sorry."
"I probably should have skipped the shrimp salad."
"It wasn't that either, I don't think. Even if it was, it tasted good." Sören took a swig of water and scowled. "I still don't feel well. And please don't say we should have stayed home. I needed to do this."
"All right," Macalaurë said, nodding, then he gave Sören a stern look. "Tomorrow, or the day after, you're going to see the doctor."
Sören groaned again; he really didn't like to see the doctor unless it was an emergency. "It's probably just a little something from the gallery party -"
"It's been a week, so I doubt that. I just want to rule out that it's cancer or something else serious."
Sören couldn't help laughing a little - he was only twenty-four going on twenty-five, that was a bit young for cancer. But then he felt guilty for laughing, seeing the hurt look in Macalaurë's eyes, knowing Macalaurë had probably lost other mortal partners... and in times when twenty-five was a common age to die of disease.
"OK." Sören patted Macalaurë's knee. He gulped down water and then he curled up on his elven lover, holding him tight, wanting to be comforting, reassuring. "For you I will. And they'll tell me it's nothing and to eat bland food for a few days." Sören kissed Macalaurë's cheek.
"I don't mean to smother you," Macalaurë said, rubbing Sören's back, petting his curls. "I just don't want to lose you."
Sören gave Macalaurë another little kiss and snuggled into his chest. Macalaurë reached for Helvítis the unicorn, and Sören's stuffed blue bunny from childhood, Bláberja, and put them in Sören's arms. As he stroked Sören's curls he sang "Stairway To Heaven", easing the discomfort of the nausea.
Sören hoped for Macalaurë's sake it really was nothing, just a bug already on its way out. He didn't want Macalaurë to be alone again. And yet, Sören couldn't help remembering the words Macalaurë had spoken when he'd revealed the necessity of moving from place to place to keep his immortality from being discovered. When I'm ready to leave, if you want to come with me, we'll do this. If you don't - or if I think you're not able to handle it - I'll make sure you're set for life.
If I think you're not able to handle it.
If I think you're not able to handle it.
For the last two and a half months Sören had been trying not to dwell on that sentence and take things one day at a time. If all they had was seven to twelve years, that was still more than many people got. Sören's own parents had both died before they were thirty - Sören had found his mother's dead body - so he knew how fragile mortal life was, and that anyone could go at any time. Sören was determined to make each day count. But he knew from the way Macalaurë was prone to anxiety that there was a very real possibility when the time was up, Macalaurë wasn't going to want to risk bringing Sören along, no matter how much he said here and now he didn't want to lose him.
Sören watched a shooting star through the sunroof and wished with all his heart that there was something he could say or do to make Macalaurë decide to take him along when it was time. Seven to twelve years from now was a long time and it was possible feelings could change, wax and wane like the crescent moon above, but when Macalaurë held him and sang to him like this, unselfishly putting his sexual needs aside to give him such tender loving care, Sören wanted it to be forever.
"I love you," Sören said softly and closed his eyes, letting Macalaurë's sweet voice lull him to sleep.
They took some more detours on the way home the next day, visiting Seljalandsfoss again, and it was late afternoon by the time they got back to Reykjavik. Before it closed, Sören let a local clinic know he'd be walking in tomorrow morning - they encouraged walk-ins to call before arrival - and then he spent the evening feeling mild anxiety about a routine doctor's appointment, knowing it was probably nothing, still feeling keyed up because he was still having nausea and dry heaves. He hoped it wasn't going to be something with his gut, and have to change his diet.
The next morning Sören went to the clinic by himself - Macalaurë offered to bring him but Sören wanted to walk and get some fresh air, and more importantly, not feed Macalaurë's anxiety with his own, knowing how Macalaurë could sense his moods. Sören didn't have to wait long, and after he was weighed and vital signs taken, he was asked a bunch of questions, including the date of his last heat, which had started in June.
The doctor wanted him to take a pregnancy test. Sören hadn't anticipated this and now he felt like an idiot because he'd gone to the bathroom before he left the house. They gave him some water and when he was ready to go, he took a cup with him to the bathroom.
Then the wait was long and agonizing. Sören kept pacing, and he realized that he'd forgotten to pack his birth control on the trip to Akureyri in June, and Macalaurë hadn't thought to ask about it - they were a bit distracted. Sören had forgotten to take his birth control during two other partnered heats over the past few years and not ended up pregnant, so he hadn't dwelled on it much except to wonder if he was possibly infertile and not wanting to get it checked out.
But when the doctor finally came back in the exam room, Sören knew the answer before the doctor told him.
Sören took the bus back home, his mind swimming. He was going to have to tell Macalaurë. Who wasn't there when he got back - Macalaurë left a note explaining he was running some errands like grocery shopping, and had made a silly little doodle with himself riding on the back of Helvítis the unicorn. Sören couldn't help giggling at the note, and brought it to his nose to breathe in the lingering scent of Macalaurë, petrichor and musk.
My Alpha.
Sören's laughter turned to tears. He flopped down on the couch, sobbing, afraid this was going to be a dealbreaker. Sören was pro-choice without question, but he wanted to have this baby, even if there were complications with it being half-elven. Anything forged in the fire of their love would be beautiful, a necessary light in the world, and Sören already loved the little life growing inside him.
Whether Macalaurë would as well, or would fear the issues surrounding a third, small, vulnerable person coming along on his adventures and would decide to cut their time short and move on, was another question.
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