Anthony still had days where he grieved his father - defending a client named Roger in court set off a fresh wave of grief, and when the day in court was over, by the time Anthony's Vespa scooter pulled up to the house in Blackheath, he was in tears. He took a few minutes to compose himself before he went inside - even though it was safe to cry in front of Sören and Nicholas, and Sören had shared his displeasure of "doing the macho 'boys don't cry' thing" more than once, Anthony didn't want to upset them. More than that, Anthony felt fragile, like if he cried he would break, and he didn't want to end up like he did for the first week after his father's death, laying in bed all day, unable to do anything else.
Thinking of that week... thinking of how his father was gone, his mother was far away... made him feel like this was his year of loss, wondering what else was next. He had pulled himself together and now he was right on the verge of tears again.
He grabbed his cane and climbed down from the bike. Once he got the door open, he leaned against the door to take his helmet off. He heard the sounds of Nicholas in the kitchen, singing along with opera, comforting and familiar. He took a few deep breaths. The tears still burned. He moved as quickly as he could to the bedroom to change out of his suit, and when he came out he called down to the kitchen, "Hey, I'm gonna go work in the garden for a bit."
"All right," Nicholas called back.
Anthony was hoping the garden chores would distract him. This was a part of his father he could hold onto, a reminder that all was not lost, his father lived on in the green growing things he nurtured. But once again there was the what-ifs, the moving towards a closer relationship with his somewhat-distant father that had come crashing to a halt when his father died so suddenly... the regrets of what could have been. And on top of that, the regrets of what could have been with Mark, so long ago. What could have been if he hadn't cheated on Sören that one day in October 2013, a drowning man trying to grab the piece of driftwood that had been that stupid boy Scott from Grindr.
Anthony fell apart again.
The slide of the glass door. "Anthony. Elskan." Sören's soft voice from the patio.
"You're home?" Anthony took his face out of his hands and glanced over his shoulder - Sören was still in his scrubs.
"Got home like two minutes ago." Sören walked over and put his hands on Anthony's shoulders. "It's OK, elskan -"
"No, it's not bloody OK." Anthony immediately felt guilty for snapping at him.
And now Sören was crying too. "No. It's not."
"Oh god. Oh god I'm sorry -"
"Shhhhhh." Sören dropped down to his knees beside him and pulled Anthony close, held him tight. "Shhhhhh, elskan. No, it's not OK, you're right. But it'll be OK. Somehow."
Anthony looked into Sören's eyes. "Do you believe that? Truly?"
Sören could only answer that with a sob of his own, and Anthony knew Sören, too, felt very similarly. Anthony's arms tightened around Sören. They leaned on each other, rocking, crying.
"We made it this far," Sören choked out. "We still have each other." Sören cupped Anthony's chin in his hand. "You're still mine."
There was no denying that. Anthony took Sören's hand and kissed it. "Always."
Sören held him even more fiercely, rubbing his nose in Anthony's hair as he shook with broken tears. "I'm not losing you too. I won't. So yes, we'll get through this. I know you miss your dad and it hurts like hell, but we've got each other."
They kept holding each other, clinging, sobbing, until Nicholas stopped on the patio and cleared his throat. "Dinner will be served shortly," he said softly.
"Ah, OK. Lemme go in and change..." Sören got up, and walked towards the house - Nicholas paused and gave Sören a fierce, tight hug, and a little kiss.
After Sören went inside, Nicholas went over to Anthony and helped him up. Once Anthony was on his feet, Nicholas gave him a hug too, and kissed his tears. Nicholas stroked Anthony's cheek, his eyes soft.
"As you know, you have me too," Nicholas said.
Anthony couldn't help smiling at the "as you know". He gave Nicholas a squeeze, and Nicholas tousled Anthony's hair, kissed his brow.
Nicholas served dinner out in the garden, lighting the fairy lights and lanterns. It was lamb chops stuffed with mushrooms, parmesan and pine nuts, with a side of roasted herbed potatoes, and haricots verts. The food was comforting and a pleasant distraction - as was the sight of Sören shirtless on the warm late September evening, curls tumbled down his back, looking thoughtfully at the blue-and-orange sunset. While they ate, they listened to jazz, and after the meal, as they sat there relaxing, drinking wine, "Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones started playing.
"Hey." Sören got up and tapped Nicholas's shoulder. "Dance with me."
Nicholas raised an eyebrow, and before he could protest, Sören dragged him up.
Anthony watched, smiling fondly, as Nicholas and Sören held each other, moving back and forth, swaying slowly, nuzzling, looking so happy together. Anthony always wanted to remember them this way, utterly in love, utterly adorable.
Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies
I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come
Then Sören tugged on Anthony's sleeve and the next thing Anthony knew, Sören was sandwiched between them, Anthony leaning on Sören as Nicholas pulled them a few steps one way, and Anthony led them back in the other.
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you
The thought of kissing Sören on a mountain was a beautiful dream. They'd lost, they'd struggled, and yet... there was so much left of life to live, so many places to see, things to do, new adventures to share together.
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
Anthony thought of the many, many nights and mornings he'd held Sören and been held by him in the London rain, feeling safe, feeling cozy, the best thing in the world. His father was gone, but he still had this. He still had the safety and shelter of the two men he loved, and he had to hold onto that.
When the song was over, Nicholas ruffled Sören's curls, gave him a kiss, and then he said, "You boys make yourselves comfortable over there while I clear the table and get dessert."
"We could help you clean up," Sören protested.
Nicholas gave Sören a stern look, then a gentle shove. "Go."
Like the rooftop garden, they kept a corner of the garden with bedding, covered by a tarp when not in use, for the purpose of snuggling - or more - in the peace and beauty of the garden. The dancing had put Anthony in a sensual, playful mood, and he couldn't stop admiring Sören with his shirt off in the soft blue twilight and the golden glow of the lanterns and fairy lights, Sören's pierced nipples hard in the chill of the night air. Sören noticed Anthony ogling and leaned in for a kiss. "You like what you see?"
"Mmmhmmm."
Sören took one of Anthony's hands and guided it to a nipple. Anthony's thumb stroked the nipple and Sören groaned into another kiss. When Nicholas came back out, Anthony was kissing Sören's neck, playing with his nipples, and Nicholas tutted in mock annoyance. "I can't leave you boys alone for five minutes, can I?"
"Oops," Sören said, batting his eyelashes innocently.
Nicholas rolled his eyes, smiling a little, and then Anthony gave an appreciative wolf whistle at the sight of Nicholas in a black silk bathrobe, open just enough at the chest to suggest he wasn't wearing anything underneath, showing off that sexy silver chest hair. "Wow, dessert looks delicious." Anthony didn't know what dessert was, since it was in a covered dish.
Nicholas's cheeks turned pink and he smiled, bashful. He uncovered the dish once he was on the bedding with them - it was sliced peaches with a can of whipped cream, and apple slices with a small bowl of honey.
"I couldn't decide so I went with both," Nicholas said.
Sören smirked. "I like having two different kinds of dessert myself, too." He crinkled his nose and bit his lower lip.
Nicholas's face was beetroot now - he knew exactly what Sören meant by that - and Anthony's face burned too. Nicholas gave Sören an affectionate swat and booped his nose. "Minx," he said. "The least we could do is eat the dessert before we engage in... shenanigans. I went to a bit of trouble to slice the fruit -"
"Is that what you're calling it now?"
Nicholas dipped an apple slice in honey and shoved it in Sören's mouth. If that had meant to get the mood away from sex for a minute it failed, as Sören's lips got sticky with honey and he licked them, and then licked and sucked the honey from Nicholas's finger and thumb. Anthony's cock stirred and his breath hitched at the sight of Sören sensually sucking Nicholas's thumb and finger, heat in those brown eyes. Anthony glanced down and saw Nicholas's robe was tented, and he smiled.
They took turns feeding each other, going back and forth between dipping apple slices in honey, licking and sucking honey from each other's fingers, and spraying whipped cream onto individual peach slices, licking and sucking cream and peach juices from each other's fingers. Inevitably, a very juicy peach slice made peach juices and cream drip down Sören's beard and throat, down his chest to a nipple. Sören gave Anthony an inviting look and Anthony leaned in to lick the trail of peach-and-cream from Sören's flesh, from his throat down to the nipple. He took a few laps at the nipple and suckled, savoring the sweetness, and the way Sören's nipple hardened even more in his mouth. When he came up, Nicholas was looking at them like he wanted to eat them alive. Anthony's cock was fully hard now, straining his jeans.
Sören deliberately put too much honey on an apple slice, and of course the honey dripped down Nicholas's throat and some spilled into his chest hair. "Uh oh Daddy, I better clean you." Sören pouted - they both knew he wasn't sorry at all - and then Sören licked Nicholas's throat and neck, and dove down to lick the honey out of Nicholas's chest hair. Except he didn't stop there. He continued licking Nicholas's chest all over, as if he were a cat grooming fur with his tongue, and peeled Nicholas's robe back just a little for his tongue to lash at a nipple. Nicholas groaned as Sören drew the nipple into his mouth.
Nicholas fed Anthony a slice of peach, topped with whipped cream, and now the juices dripped onto Anthony's shirt. "I better take my shirt off," Anthony said, pulling it over his head, tossing it beside them. "There, that's better."
Nicholas's eyes raked him up and down. "Indeed."
"Mmmm." Sören looked down at the obvious bulge in Anthony's jeans. "Looks like those jeans are getting a bit tight. Maybe you should take those off too, make yourself more comfortable."
Anthony grinned, and stripped down to his boxer-briefs. Already, they had a wet spot from the precum he was leaking.
Anthony dipped an apple slice in honey and fed it to Sören. Like Sören had done to Nicholas, Anthony deliberately put so much honey on it that honey spilled over Sören's chest as he ate it. After Sören licked Anthony's fingers clean, he looked down at the honey. He'd managed to make quite a mess of honey on his chest. Nicholas and Anthony both came closer to lick the honey from Sören's chest - and his nipples. Sören moaned as they suckled his nipples at the same time. Anthony lapped some more, savoring the lingering sweetness - enjoying the way Sören moaned, nipple hardening still - and suckled again. "Mmmmmm."
"Oh, god." Sören shuddered. "Fuck..."
Sören fed a peach slice with whipped cream to Anthony. He also put on way too much whipped cream, and smirked as a dollop slid off and landed on Anthony's chest, followed by another that landed right on the wet spot on Anthony's boxer-briefs. Sören and Nicholas gave each other a conspiratorial look and leaned in together, licking Anthony's chest, licking his nipples, sucking them hard, lapping and suckling some more. As Nicholas continued to work on a nipple, Sören slid down and licked the daub of whipped cream that had fallen on Anthony's boxer-briefs. The feel of Sören's tongue rubbing through the fabric almost set Anthony off right then. Even after the whipped cream had been cleaned off, Sören continued to lick at Anthony's cock through the fabric, and sucked on the head through the fabric, looking up with deliciously naughty eyes.
Anthony sprayed whipped cream onto a peach slice and fed it to Nicholas. As whipped cream slid onto Nicholas's chest, Sören "accidentally" tugged on the tie of Nicholas's robe, opening it and fully exposing him. "Oops," Sören said, putting his fingers to his lips with such a fake innocent face that it made Anthony laugh. He stopped laughing when Nicholas sucked his fingers to clean the cream off. Sören and Anthony worked on Nicholas's chest hair together, licking up the cream, licking him long after the cream was gone, teasing his nipples with lips and tongue, making Nicholas clutch them, groaning.
Sören took the whipped cream and continued spraying the peach slice long after it was completely coated, with whipped cream spraying all over Nicholas's chest and hard cock. Nicholas gave Sören an amused look, then groaned as Sören put the peach slice in his mouth. As Nicholas licked and sucked Sören's fingers, Sören and Anthony licked at Nicholas's chest some more, lapped and suckled his nipples, licked his cock clean. Anthony kissed Sören's neck as Sören took the head of Nicholas's cock in his mouth, sucking slowly, then Sören turned Anthony's face to his and kissed him, tongues rubbing together, sharing the taste of cream and precum. Anthony drew the head into his mouth and sucked slowly, swirling his tongue, kissing it, as Sören kissed and licked his way up Nicholas's torso, to claim his mouth.
When the peaches and apple slices were done, there was still cream and honey left... and now all three of them were naked, hard, slick with precum. Sören took the can of whipped cream and playfully sprayed both of their chests, then his own, and used the rest of the whipped cream to spray his cock. Nicholas shoved Sören down and he and Anthony worked on Sören's body first, kissing and licking the whipped cream from his chest, slurping it off his nipples, licking his cock together, taking turns sucking it, before kissing each other with precum on their tongues as Sören watched, moaning, stroking himself.
Sören and Nicholas licked at Anthony's chest together. Sören sucked his nipples so hard it almost hurt. Nicholas nibbled on them, and they tugged the nipples with their teeth before licking some more, teasing. Anthony writhed, panting, wanting to fuck or be fucked but also never wanting them to stop, lost in lust and pleasure.
Sören and Anthony cleaned Nicholas together, as Nicholas arched to them with ragged breath, moaning. "My good boys." Nicholas shuddered. "Oh, what good boys, cleaning up your mess."
"Mmmm. I don't know if we're good, Daddy. We're gonna make an even bigger mess soon." Sören kissed Nicholas hard, before dipping back down to seize a nipple in his teeth.
Sören poured honey down over one of his nipples, then the other - the sight of Sören's long, thick pierced nipples coated, dripping with honey, made Anthony mad with want. He and Nicholas lapped away, hard and fast, fucking Sören's nipples with their tongues, sucking hard, making Sören cry out, bucking.
"This is my new favorite dessert," Anthony rasped, enjoying the lingering sweetness of the cream and honey... enjoying Sören's hot, swollen nipples glistening even more. "Fuck."
"You like it even more than cake?"
"Better than cake." Anthony suckled harder.
There was still some honey in the bowl, but instead of pouring it over Anthony's and Nicholas's chests, Sören dipped the head of his cock in the bowl, then passed the bowl to Anthony. Anthony felt like a freak - this was one of the kinkier things he'd ever done - but he took his cock and guided the head into the bowl, coating it with honey. He passed the bowl to Nicholas, and Nicholas poured out the dregs over his own cock.
They fell into position, Sören sucking Nicholas's cock as Nicholas sucked Anthony and Anthony sucked Sören. The musk of Sören's arousal combined lusciously with the honey, and Anthony sucked like his life depended on it, not able to get enough. Nicholas's mouth on his cock was hungry, and Anthony was quickly brought to that edge, quivering.
They all wanted to taste each other, so before Anthony could come in Nicholas's mouth, they changed positions, Anthony sucking Nicholas as Nicholas sucked Sören and Sören sucked Anthony. Sören's moans of "mmmm, mmmm" around his cock added a vibration that made Anthony crazy. Anthony enjoyed comparing and contrasting the subtle difference in flavor between the notes of Sören's honeyed cock and Nicholas's. They were both so delicious, and something about this felt so kinky, so lewd and debauched, that Anthony sucked like a madman, needing to make Nicholas come. He fucked Sören's mouth, the "mmm" around his cock turning into whimpering - he knew Sören loved that - and a moment later Anthony climaxed, and Sören screamed with his mouth full, the humming of it making Anthony shoot off again, the throbbing so intense. Nicholas came with a groan a few seconds later, and Anthony savored the salty-sweet seed in his mouth with the lingering cream and honey. He didn't swallow though - he pulled Sören up and kissed him with his mouth full of Nicholas's cum. Sören shuddered and Anthony felt a blast of Sören's cum over his chest. Sören scooped it up and fed it to Anthony from his fingers, and Anthony groaned, enjoying Sören's taste mixing with Nicholas's. They kissed again, and then they took turns kissing Nicholas.
Nicholas pulled them into his arms, and the three of them held each other - the twilight had faded to deep night, and Anthony looked up at the first quarter moon, burning gold like the fairy lights and lanterns. The grief of his father still hurt and would hurt for awhile, but times like this reinforced that the three of them were solid - he had a family, still. Anthony pet Nicholas's whiskers, and stroked Sören's beard.
"I love you both so very much," Nicholas husked.
"The two loves of my life," Sören said, giving them each a little kiss.
Anthony snuggled closer, and the words came out of him before he could stop himself. "My husbands." Then he realized what he'd said.
The truth was he'd been thinking of them as that for awhile now, but this was the first time he'd spoken that truth aloud.
Sören kissed his brow and Nicholas tousled Anthony's hair. "Yes," Nicholas said. "As you know, polygamy is illegal... but we are married here, I think." Nicholas took both their hands and put it on his heart.
Anthony's eyes misted. He didn't know what to say.
Sören had a response for that. "Well, if we're married now... we should go on a honeymoon. As you know I put off for that vacation time in October, and if we're leaving the UK we really do need to decide where we're going now instead of putting it off to the last minute so we can pay more for airfare and accommodations."
"I do have money," Anthony said.
"So do I," Nicholas said.
"That doesn't mean you need to flush it down the toilet when it can be prevented," Sören said.
Anthony wasn't going to argue with a thrifty Icelander, so he got back on subject. "Any ideas? Are we doing Iceland, or are we saving that for the December holidays?"
"I was thinking the December holidays," Sören said. Then he shrugged. "I don't know. We need to make arrangements for the kitties." He sighed.
"Uh... I could ask Lawrence and Diana," Anthony said. "Be willing to buy them drinks or something when we get back to say thank you, sweeten the deal."
"All right." Sören nodded.
"When are we going again?" Anthony's mind felt muzzy after his orgasm.
Sören got his cell phone out of his pants pocket and after hitting a few buttons he peered at his schedule. "October nineteenth through the twenty-ninth. Ten days."
Anthony realized then one of those days was October twenty-third - it would be the four-year anniversary of the day Sören had come home to find him in bed with Scott.
As if Sören read his mind, he added, "I wanted a more pleasant association for October twenty-third." He took Anthony's hand.
"I was planning on addressing the matter of our impending holiday sometime this weekend," Nicholas said, "but since it has come up now... I would be keen on going to Greece and Italy, if you both were amenable to the idea. I went a long time ago, when I was still single. Returning to the place where love between men was normalized and celebrated, with the two men I love, seems fitting. As does touring ruins... symbolic that the three of us have survived so much in our own lives."
"Ohhhh, I'd love that," Sören said.
As much as Anthony was interested in visiting Greece and Italy again, two countries he'd enjoyed when touring Europe in the early aughts, Anthony felt a twinge of anxiety and was about to bring up the fact that he couldn't walk long distances with a cane - he had to use a wheelchair for anything long-distance, even just a big airport like Heathrow - and ancient ruins tended to be a bit of an obstacle course.
"Anthony." Nicholas's eyes met Anthony's. "I did some research and there is a tour for disabled people to Pompeii and Vesuvius, if you would like to go whilst we are on holiday."
Anthony's mouth opened and his eyes misted. That was incredibly thoughtful of Nicholas to research accessibility for him to see a piece of ancient history; he loved that he wouldn't have to miss out because of his mobility issues. "Holy shit, yeah." He gave Nicholas a big kiss, laughing and crying at the same time.
"Also, it would be easier on my own arthritis as well, to ride up to the summit of Vesuvius rather than having to hike." Nicholas cringed a little.
"I like this," Sören said. "I've only seen one volcano - Eyjafjallajökull - so it would be cool to see another, in a different country."
"You are a volcano, my dear." Nicholas booped Sören's nose and ruffled his curls.
chapter 13 | return to Learning To Fly | return to Other Tolkien Fic | return to index