Sah's stomach turned to ice as they stepped into Paige's flat. They were annoyed for feeling so anxious - they saw people on death's door every day and they didn't choke like this. But responding to an emergency, getting someone to the hospital, was straightforward. Emotions were much messier. More complicated.
Sah's eyes met Teddy's across the room. They gave an awkward wave hello, and to their relief, Teddy nodded in acknowledgment and managed a tight, awkward smile. "Hey, Sah."
Paige had gotten curry takeaway, and as they ate, a show played in the background and they talked about their day. It felt almost normal.
Of course, the entire reason Sah was here was because things weren't normal. In the adrenaline rush following the explosion at the pub, Paige had kissed them, they had kissed Paige back, and then later Sah had told Teddy, feeling that debt of honor to their best mate. Teddy hadn't taken it well. Paige hadn't been pleased with Sah telling Teddy about the kiss, insisting it was nothing. It looked like Teddy and Paige were back together, but the friendships had taken a hit. This was the first step towards reconciliation and moving on from that awkwardness...
...except Sah had been thinking about that kiss a lot. More than they should. It was wrong to kiss their best mate's girlfriend, it was wrong to like it, it was wrong to kind of sort of want to do it again, but that wasn't the only reason it felt wrong.
They wanted to kiss Teddy too.
They had tried really, really hard not to catch feelings for their best friend. Dating had always been fraught for Sah - not enough time and energy, lots of transphobic jerks, discomfort with their own body pre-top-surgery and difficulty relaxing in it enough to attempt intimacy - and that was without getting into emotions.
That was without getting into the ways being involved with someone else on the job, someone else they worked with so closely, could get tricky. That was without... having feelings for two people. At the same time.
Sah tried not to think about any of that, tried to be in the present. There had already been enough damage done. And finally, when Sah told their friends, "It's getting late, I better head home -"
"Wait," Paige said. "Sah, you know I invited you here to try and fix things, and... I have an idea as to how we can speed up the process."
Sah folded their arms. "This had better not involve karaoke."
Teddy laughed. Paige smiled. "No. I think..." Paige looked at Teddy, then at Sah. "You guys should kiss, so that way we're all even."
"What?" Teddy's eyebrows shot up.
Sah's mouth went dry. They wanted that, but just because they wanted to didn't mean they should. And they didn't want Teddy to kiss them out of obligation. "Come on Paige, don't pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do -"
"Look, let's just..." Teddy made the "come here" gesture.
Sah and Paige traded places on the couch. Sah exhaled, heart hammering in their ears. It was a dream come true and a nightmare all at once. They couldn't believe this was happening. They couldn't -
Teddy moved in and their lips met. A quick peck.
Sah breathed a small sigh of relief. Done and over with. Maybe that would get it through their head Teddy would never like them that way, just like Paige didn't, and then they could move on -
Suddenly Teddy kissed them again, longer. Their lips parted and their tongues sought one another, brushed, swirled.
They pulled back and Teddy stared with wide eyes, like he was looking at Sah for the first time. Sah's hand went to their mouth, feeling like this was out of the frying pan and into the fire. "Oh no." They turned to Paige, not really seeing Paige, the room spinning, face on fire. "I'm so sorry, I -"
And then Paige kissed them again. And then Teddy and Paige kissed. And then Teddy and Sah were kissing once more.
"See?" Paige tilted her head to one side. "Problem solved. We can share."
Teddy stammered for a moment, looking as flustered as Sah felt. When he found his words, he said, "I never thought I'd, yanno. Like someone who's... not female... that way. But I'd be lying if I said I thought of you as just a mate. I..." Teddy's voice trailed off and he looked off to the side.
"Sometimes we fall for what's here," Paige said, putting a hand on her heart, "and not what's..." She made a vague hand gesture. "It just happens."
"Yeah." Sah heard themself breathing, everything back in sharp focus. "But look, if it's too weird, we don't have to do this."
"We can take it slow?" Paige asked. Teddy nodded. "We can find our way, one step at a time."
"OK." Sah smiled. They took Paige's hand in one hand, and Teddy's in the other. Then the three of them hugged, and Sah leaned on them, relieved and giddy and nervous all at once.
They had a long way to go - Sah especially, who was painfully new to all of this - but it still felt like coming home.