When Sören was small, before his mamma Brynhildur died, his favorite movie was Fantasia and his mamma promised to take him to Disney World someday.
Now he's here at Disney World with his two best friends, and while it's not the same, it still feels like his mamma is there with him in spirit. He likes to believe that his parents would have accepted him as trans had they lived to see his transition - unlike his aunt and uncle, who raised him. He also thinks his parents would have liked Mark and Anthony, though likely his mamma would be able to tell he was in love with them.
It's getting agonizing, and they're not even to the halfway point of the trip. But Sören doesn't want to make some excuse to end it. He still wants to see other parts of the country.
And just Disney, alone, is mostly worth it for the torture that is pining for Mark and Anthony. It's been one of Sören's lifelong dreams; Sören is still a big kid at heart in a lot of ways.
They spent the first day at Hollywood Studios in the morning and Epcot in the afternoon and evening, then the second day at Animal Kingdom in the morning and Hollywood Studios in the evening - seeing the live-action Fantasmic! show last night, including a sequence from Fantasia.
For their third and final day at Disney World they're finally seeing the famous Magic Kingdom, and staying there all day through the evening. This morning they did Jungle Cruise, Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, and then to the far end of the park for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Now they're snacking on Dole Whip while they're waiting for Mad Tea Party. It's one of the most iconic rides at Disney World - the one that little Sören most wanted to go on, seeing it on Icelandic television as a child - and Sören feels giddier than he has so far, looking ahead from the queue and watching people spin around on the teacups.
As they get closer, Sören starts flapping a little with the excitement. A tiny Black boy three turns ahead smiles and waves as if in recognition and starts flapping too, and Sören grins, knowing how much it would have meant when he was younger to see someone else stimming in public.
When the boy and his family board the teacups, Sören's heart beats even faster, feeling like lightning is crackling through his veins. He knows trying to create a perfect moment often meets with failure and disappointment, but he's going to attempt it anyway. He reaches in his satchel for the mouse ears they bought that morning and puts his mouse ears on then hands Mark and Anthony theirs. "Let's wear these as we ride the teacups," Sören says.
Anthony rolls his eyes, snickering, and Mark puts his on with an ultra-serious look on his face that makes Sören crack up laughing. Anthony puts on the mouse ears with an exaggerated sigh. "Well, hopefully these ears might get rid of my earworm," Anthony says.
"Oh?" Sören cocks his head to one side.
Anthony turns pink as he looks out at the teacups, then back at Sören. "You know that 80s song by Dead Or Alive, 'You Spin Me Round [Like A Record]'?"
Sören does, but Mark demonstrates anyway, showing off in public with his powerful voice.
All I know is that to me
You look like you're havin' fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a teacup, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
Anthony gives Mark a look and Mark flashes him a grin. "You're a dick," Anthony tells him, not unkindly.
Mark's grin gets bigger. "No, a dick would give you another, worse earworm." Then Mark sings:
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you...
Sören can't help laughing, and Anthony's pained expression just makes it funnier. Then it's their turn, and Sören tries not to start flailing.
But then Sören's excitement is chased by angst as he watches Anthony and Mark sit in one of the teacups - it'll be a tight fit with a third adult. Sören sits in a teacup by himself and tries not to feel like a third wheel, but it definitely hits a sore spot. Still, he brings himself back to the moment as the teacups begin whirling. And then Mark is singing again:
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a teacup, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
I want your looooooo - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sören's laughter rings out at Mark's reaction as the teacups whirl, and then he himself joins Mark in a yell as everything spins and blurs, rushing wildly.
Like the physical equivalent of the way Sören's heart feels whenever he hears Mark sing.
When they began planning their trip, they considered only seeing Disney in Florida and not anything else, because of how conservative Florida is - even more now since they first planned their trip, with the "Don't Say Gay Bill" recent news. The weather is also too hot for Sören's and Anthony's liking, both of whom are from cooler climates. But they decided to spend a couple extra days in Florida after Disney... one of them to see Gatorama, at Mark's urging.
As they wait in line for Gatorama to open, Mark is texting his brother Russ, and chuckling. After a few typed texts Mark does voice-to-text. "Yes, I'll send you photos," Mark says.
Then Mark shakes his head and explains to Sören and Anthony, "My brother's even more hyped for us seeing Gatorama than we are. When we lived in Florida he made us come here at least once a month. We had to leave Florida because he got in the news wrestling a gator and that was too much publicity for us."
"Is that how he lost his arm?" Sören asks - he hasn't interacted with Mark's older brother much, just briefly encountered him a few times, but he remembers two things very clearly: Russ has at least a foot on them in height, and part of his right arm is missing. Then Sören claps his hand over his mouth, feeling like he's been rude and somehow ableist by asking about it.
"Yeah," Mark says, and looks off to the side - Gatorama is just about to open.
Sören considers making a remark about what a Florida Man thing that is, and refrains. It's confusing to him that Russ would still be enthusiastic about gators after losing his arm to one, but then... the whole thing is confusing, for some reason. "You lived in Florida? I thought you were from Canada."
Mark narrows his eyes. "Yes... and then I moved to Florida."
Anthony cackles. "People can live in more than one place, you know." Anthony tousles Sören's curls.
"I know," Sören says, hearing the edge in his voice - feeling sheepish - but he doesn't know how to explain why he feels like there's something missing in Mark's story, even though he knows he's probably prying now. Mark doesn't talk much about his background, and the little pieces that have come out here and there are an enigma.
Then Anthony throws an arm around Mark and walks him several feet away and gives him a stern look as he speaks too softly for Sören to hear; Sören suspects Anthony is giving Mark a talking-to of some kind, perhaps for sharing the grisly story of his brother losing his arm to a gator too openly in front of children, but then Anthony has never been a "think of the children!" person so Sören really doesn't know.
The first thing they see upon entering the park are the front ponds of crocodiles and alligators. They walk around the boardwalk to observe them, and Sören tries to contain his excitement, not wanting to stir up the gators. There's nothing like this in Iceland, and Sören has a geeky moment where he muses aloud, "This is probably the closest I'll ever come to seeing a dinosaur in real life."
Anthony glances over at Mark and his lips quirk and Mark shoots him a look before Anthony gives him an elbow nudge, cackling, and Sören wonders what that's about before swimming gators distract him.
After they've taken a few laps around the ponds, they head over to Reptile Cove, where they get to see the pythons. Mark is bold enough to get Togo draped over his shoulders and Anthony takes pics while Sören tries not to swoon at how badass Mark looks wearing an enormous python and is showing no signs of fear.
Then they visit other critters - basilisks, toads, king snakes, rat snakes, corn snakes, and tarantulas. Sören is afraid of spiders and the tarantulas make his skin crawl, but he knows protecting and preserving different species is important so he doesn't begrudge the tarantulas their home. Sören's lingering discomfort from the tarantulas goes away when they encounter Bolt, an African spurred tortoise, and Billy the snapping turtle. "Oh god, he's so cute," Sören says over and over again, wishing he could keep a turtle as a pet, but that would require a lot of work, especially in cold Maine winters.
Even cuter is the baby gator pod. And Anthony losing his dignity and talking baby talk to the little gators makes Sören melt.
After the baby gators they go to see "Grandpa", who has been at the park since the 1950s and is the oldest alligator in captivity. He is massive and Sören feels a mix of fascination and fear which feels intoxicating. At times like this Sören can understand why people become storm chasers or reporters on the frontlines of a war or first responders, feeling the adrenaline rush as he watches the huge, venerable alligator move around, clearly not slowed down by his old age. Just as dangerous as a young gator.
But the real fear comes when Mark signs up for the Fast Hands Challenge. He walks onto the bridge and leans over to offer snacks from his bare hands to the gators and crocodiles. Each time they snap at him Sören fights back a scream. He doesn't know how Mark can do it, especially after knowing what happened to Russ, though Sören thinks maybe that's why Mark is making himself do it.
When Mark comes back to them unscathed, and having successfully fed a few hungry gators, Sören shakes his head. "You're very brave," he says, swooning even more. While he's not normally into macho showing off, it's not a bad look on Mark.
Mark grins, then his smile fades to a more serious, pensive expression. "I've faced worse."
Sören wonders about that - and if it's why Mark doesn't talk about his life much - but he keeps that curiosity to himself.
But somehow, it makes Sören want him even more... and it also reinforces that feeling he doesn't stand a chance with Anthony, when Mark is so bold and fearless. He tries not to let it ruin the experience of seeing such interesting wildlife, but it still hurts, and Sören once again wonders how he'll survive the summer.
It starts to rain just as they're about to leave Gatorama, and rains all evening. Before Sören goes to sleep, he listens to the rain and hopes that it'll stop by the morning, since their plan for their last day in Florida is to hit the beach.
To Sören's relief the rain stops in the morning, though the lingering humidity makes it too muggy for his tastes. Over breakfast they talk logistics - originally they had thought about Miami or Fort Lauderdale, but after how crowded Disney World was, none of them are particularly keen on going someplace just as crowded if not moreso.
They decide on Turtle Beach, and once they arrive, Mark actually carries his harp out to the beach. After they find a good spot, they put down their gear - it's quiet enough that the harp probably won't get stolen - and Mark, Sören and Anthony walk along the shore together. Even though it's an overcast day, and stiflingly humid, Sören still appreciates the ocean breeze and the shining waters...
...and the turtles that the beach is named for. Sören squeaks when he sees adult turtles leading a group of hatchlings into the ocean. He and Anthony happy-flap together, then hug each other. It's one of the most magical moments of Sören's life, a frisson down his spine, hair standing on end, laughing and crying as he watches the turtle family play in the waves.
Mark hugs them too and leads them back to the blanket with their gear. Sören and Anthony are all choked up, and Mark looks a little emotional himself. "This calls for a song," Mark says.
Sören expects Mark to play something melancholy, as he's done at beaches in Maine. But instead Mark's fingers fly in a percolating rhythm and his voice echoes out to the sea:
If I, I get to know your name
Well if I, could trace your private number, baby
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
I want some, want some
"DAMMIT, MARK," Anthony yells, but his eyes are twinkling. Sören has a gigglefit, and does a dorky little spinning, flapping dance when it's time for the chorus:
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a teacup, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
But Mark isn't done trolling yet when the song is over. Then he plays "Never Gonna Give You Up" on the harp, and Anthony facepalms and makes Muppet noises while Sören doubles over. When the song is over, Sören leaps off the blanket to give Mark a standing ovation, clapping and cheering wildly.
"I've never been Rickrolled on a harp before," Sören says. "Fancy."
Mark bows with a dramatic flourish.
"Just so you know, that was the worst thing ever," Anthony says, not unkindly.
Mark grins. "No, the worst thing ever would be..." He plays a few chords, then the harp chimes as Mark sings:
Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think he'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man...
Anthony's exasperation yields to laughter, and then pouncing on Mark and tickling him until Mark taps out and begs for mercy. When they catch their breath, Mark kisses the tip of Anthony's nose... then puts him in a headlock and gives him noogies.
"Do you need a time-out?" Sören asks - amused by their antics, but feeling that wistful ache again. Then his mind goes in the gutter with "time-out" as an innuendo and apparently so does Anthony's, who leers at Mark and says, "Later," while Mark snickers.
They watch the turtles again, and Mark heaves with a deep, contented sigh. Anthony puts an arm around him and pulls Mark onto his shoulder. He lowers his voice, but Sören can still hear him. "Could it be that Macalaurë is playing songs of laughter instead of sadness upon the shores?"
A ray of golden light streams through the silver clouds and Mark smiles and says simply, "Aurë entuluva."
Another frisson goes through Sören. He has no idea what Mark just said - or what language it's in - but he feels like he's witnessed something special, something sacred.
And as much as he feels like he's on the outside looking in at their relationship, he very much wants them to stay happy together.
