"Nice shirt," Sören says.
Anthony grins. "It's actual vintage. I've had this since the mid-90s."
"The late 1900s," Mark quips.
Anthony groans loudly - he feels like an old fart, though he reminds himself Maglor is even older.
"I've got a couple shirts that have survived that long, too," Mark says. He tosses Sören a Soundgarden shirt, and pulls a Pearl Jam shirt over his head, to go along with Anthony's Nirvana shirt. They're in Seattle, and though it feels like a cheesy tourist thing to wear grunge band T-shirts as they travel the city, it also feels like paying respects to the memories of Kurt Cobain and Chris Cornell.
Sören puts on the Soundgarden shirt. "I almost want to say I'm envious that you got to hear these bands when they were new, but -"
"You still couldn't pay me to relive the 90s again." Anthony shakes his head. "It was a bad time to be queer, my gay uncle experienced a lot of homophobia. I didn't even know there was a word for people like myself back then, I just felt like I was trapped in the wrong body and everything was wrong." Anthony sighs, remembering the bad old days of dysphoria and reflecting on how much better the Nirvana shirt fits now that he doesn't have breasts anymore. He has an old photo album in his luggage and he finds himself taking it out to show Sören a picture of himself from the late 90s, when he was still female-facing, long before he knew other transgender people existed.
"That's an example of how I used to dress," Anthony says, gesturing to the Nirvana hoodie. "I wore baggy clothes as much as possible unless I was trying to impress a bloke and then I felt disgusting showing off my body but I did it anyway."
"I like the hoodie."
"Thanks. My daughter has it now." Unless the bastard made her get rid of it. Anthony's fists clench reflexively, thinking of how Steve and Trisha pressure Rhiannon to be more feminine as if they're afraid being trans is contagious and this is how you prevent it. Mark, sensing the small spike in tension, puts his hand on the small of Anthony's back. "So, yeah." Anthony exhales, trying to distract himself. "I was an angsty mess growing up - bullied, dysphoric - and I was very lonely, and Nirvana's music was the soundtrack for that time, and now we're here where that music was being made."
"And you're not alone anymore." Sören takes Anthony's hand.
Anthony pulls Sören into his arms and gives him a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too, elskan." Sören reaches out for Mark. "Both of you."
Mark joins them in a group hug, kissing each of them on the top of their head and affectionately tousling their hair. Then he glances out the windows of the RV at the overcast sky. "You ready to rock?"
They start at the Museum of Pop Culture. Sören takes some time to admire the architecture - its wavy steel and aluminum panels that change color depending on lighting and angle. Anthony misses his mother again, an architect who would have been fascinated by the building's design. They all enjoy the science fiction and fantasy and horror exhibits, with props and costumes from different movies. They hang out with the Muppets. Mark particularly enjoys the Guitar Gallery - the tornado sculpture made of guitars, and the individual displays of guitars owned by Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain. Mark lets loose in the Sound Lab, trying out the different instruments, delighting Anthony and Sören.
Their next stop is Chihuly Garden and Glass. Sören's face lights up at the glass sculptures, especially the Glasshouse with the suspended sculpture of red, orange and yellow flowers, and the colorful glass art displayed among the flowers and trees feels like walking through the lush landscape of a fantasy world. When they watch a glass blowing demonstration, the look of wonder in Sören's eyes makes Anthony love him even more.
Then they visit the iconic Space Needle. Sören has claustrophobia in elevators but he still is determined to ride to the top, and Mark and Anthony hold him tightly as they ascend; it takes less than a minute for the elevator to climb 520 feet to the top level. The view from the top - a 360-degree panorama of downtown, Mount Rainier, Puget Sound, and the Cascades and Olympic Mountain Ranges - gives Anthony chills. The revolving glass floor on the lower observation level makes Anthony feel a little uneasy, with the same sort of giddy-scared rush of an amusement park thrill ride. They take photos, and Anthony sends some off to his daughter, wishing she was there to see this. Someday, he thinks to himself.
They stop at the Atmos Café on the upper observation level for burgers and fries, coffee and ice cream, take one more look from the upper observation deck, and then they ride down. "I'm so proud of you," Anthony says, giving Sören a big hug, who's a little shaky coming out of the elevator.
Sören grins. "Hi So Proud Of You, I'm -"
Anthony swats Sören's bum with nobody watching, though Mark notices and snickers.
Their next destination is Viretta Park, which is a small, quiet place next to the mansion where Kurt Cobain died. The benches are covered in graffiti paying tribute to Nirvana and Kurt, and some visitors have left candles, flower bouquets and other offerings. Mark brings a dozen roses to leave there - and has also brought his guitar, playing a medley of Nirvana songs, though his voice is a little too pretty for grunge, and yet that gives the songs a more haunting quality.
From there they go to Douglas Hollis's Sound Garden art installation - where the band got its name. Twelve 21-foot steel structures each have an organ pipe attached to a weather vane on top, and produce sounds when stirred by the wind. There's a gentle breeze today, giving eerie, melancholy noises as they look out at Lake Washington and the tree-lined shore.
"You can kind of... hear... the inner turmoil Chris Cornell lived with," Sören says, putting a hand on his heart.
Mark nods solemnly, and Anthony knows what Maglor isn't saying: it was in the Song.
Then they're back on the west end of Seattle to visit West Point Lighthouse at Discovery Park, where Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell filmed the music video for "Hunger Strike" by Temple of the Dog back in 1991. It feels a little surreal to be retracing their footsteps... moreso with someone who hasn't aged a day since grunge was new. This time Mark has his harp instead of the guitar, and when they find an appropriate spot on the shore, Mark sits at a large rock and begins to play the opening bass notes then the guitar riff of "Would?" by Alice in Chains on his harp. Dark storm clouds gather, with silver light streaming through. Anthony can hear the pain and regret in Maglor's voice as he makes Layne Staley's words his own.
Into the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
So I made a big mistake
Try to see it once my way
Am I wrong?
Have I run too far to get home?
Have I gone?
And left you here alone?
After they have dinner at Elliot's Oyster House, their final stop for the night is Screwdriver Bar - which was Nirvana's rehearsal space between Bleach and Nevermind... and has a KISS pinball machine. But not even playing KISS pinball seems to shake the sad look in Mark's eyes, and even though Sören is less familiar with Maglor's history than Anthony is, Sören still senses his distress and stops to give him a hug once they leave the bar.
They camp their RV at the Hairy Eagle Lookout in Olympia, a secluded location on top of a 500ft hill with views of Puget Sound and Mount Rainier, in the Capitol State Forest. Sören jokes that "Hairy Eagle sounds perverted," and Mark manages to smile, but Anthony can tell Mark is still feeling angsty. Once they've toked up, Anthony says, "You know, we're here for you if you need to get it out."
Mark sighs. "I don't even know where to begin."
Sören walks over to the kitchenette where the Silmaril is resting in an empty glass. He brings it over, rolling the Silmaril around in his hand, casting rainbows on the walls. "It's about this, isn't it? You still feel like you did horrible things to get it back, and you feel like you failed by throwing it into the sea."
Mark nods. He leans on Sören and mumbles into Sören's shoulder, "I'm so sorry -"
Sören puts down the Silmaril and gives him noogies. "You don't need to keep apologizing over and over again. You don't need to keep beating yourself up. Neither of us judge you."
"He's right," Anthony says, reaching out for them, feeling that ache in his chest, hurting for Mark's anguish.
"I judge myself enough for the both of you." Mark starts sobbing.
"But you don't have to," Sören says, pulling him close. Anthony comes over to sit on the other side of the jackknife sofa and they hold Mark together, rocking him.
"And we wish you wouldn't," Anthony says, hearing his voice get huskier with emotion as his eyes sting with as-yet unshed tears, wishing he could fix it somehow and ease Maglor's pain.
"It just doesn't feel right that so many good, talented people are dead - Kurt, Chris - and I'm still here, with everything I've done wrong," Mark chokes out. "I could have started using when heroin or other drugs became more widely available - I definitely thought about it, to numb the pain - but I didn't, because I felt like I would be dishonoring my family. I've made myself keep going all these centuries to keep the memory of my family alive, to keep the fire going, so it wouldn't all be for nothing. An act of defiance against the Valar and Morgoth both. But I still feel like such shitty, damaged goods -"
"Now you cut that shit out right now," Anthony says, feeling a surge of anger - not so much at Maglor, as for him.
"We don't think of you that way," Sören says, squeezing Mark. "We love you."
Mark sobs harder.
Sören and Anthony exchange glances over the top of Mark's head. Anthony can almost hear Sören's unvoiced question of Has he been like this before? Anthony has, in fact, seen Mark like this before - when Maglor first revealed his true identity, and when they put together the pieces that Anthony was Finarfin reborn as mortal. It's not entirely surprising that Maglor is having such intense emotions after the return of the Silmaril and Fëanor himself. But Anthony still feels helpless, drowning in Maglor's grief. He knows it's not good to keep the pain inside, but it's not good for Mark to be blaming himself like this either, all these many years later.
Anthony knows he can't undo the past, he can't completely heal Mark's wounds... but his protective instincts are triggered, and when he feels protective of his partners that in turn brings out his dom instinct. He gently tugs a handful of Mark's hair. "Right, so we're going to get it through that thick Fëanorion skull of yours that you're not damaged goods and that you're a good boy."
Mark looks up and over his shoulder, and when his eyes meet Anthony's, Anthony yanks on Mark's hair less gently, both of them rising to their feet. Anthony smirks at Sören. "Luv, I think we need to pound some sense into him."
Sören grins and nods.
Even though Anthony knows Sören is a sub, he's had suspicions that Sören can switch and turn dominant under the right circumstances, with the right person. Just like Mark. He and Mark have dommed Sören together, and Anthony thinks it will be fun for Sören to help him reset Mark's mood.
Once they're all in the RV's bedroom and undressed, Anthony takes Mark over his knee. "When Daddy tells you you're a good boy, you need to listen to Daddy and not disrespect him by arguing," he scolds.
"Yes, Daddy," Mark says.
"You're getting ten spankings."
"Only ten?" Sören grins.
Anthony glances over. "I don't want to be too rough on him, besides, that's just the beginning of his discipline. You want to help?"
Sören kneels by the edge of the bed, his face at Mark's ass. Anthony smacks Mark's ass hard enough to make Mark cry out, and Sören helps by reaching between Mark's legs and slowly rubbing his cock as Anthony spanks him, taking a few slow licks at Mark's cunt between each slap. Anthony smiles with satisfaction, enjoying seeing Sören's naughty side, the help making it even hotter. By the tenth spanking Mark is a quivering, panting mess, and Sören makes a long streamer with Mark's cream on his tongue, coming up to give Anthony a messy open-mouthed kiss as Mark watches and Anthony's cock pulses, craving attention - but knowing it will be all the more delicious for the wait.
Anthony has Mark lay back, with a pillow under his hips, and he ties Mark's wrists. Once Mark is securely tied, Anthony and Sören take turns kissing him. Then they start kissing and licking Mark all over, starting with his neck and arms. Together, Anthony and Sören suck on Mark's nipples at the same time, lips tugging, until the nipples are plump and glistening and Mark's breath is in shaky gasps. Anthony slowly licks at Mark's sculpted abdomen while Sören kisses and nibbles down Mark's side, making him whimper. They kiss and lick his hips and thighs, and Mark arches to them, eyes feverish as he makes guttural noises. Worshiping Mark's beautiful body always drives Anthony wild with lust, and watching Sören tease is so enjoyable.
Mark's cock is jutting out at them and twitches with anticipation as they move lower - Anthony's own cock twitches too, his thighs slick with need. First they lick at Mark's cock together, one tongue on the hood with the other tongue on the nub, lapping slowly then faster... then Sören's tongue spears inside Mark's cunt as Anthony sucks at Mark's cock, slurping, suctioning, while Mark pants like he's in heat. Sören and Anthony play with each other and every now and again they kiss, sharing Mark's juices. After awhile they switch, with Sören's lush lips tugging at Mark's cock while Anthony tongue-fucks Mark's inner walls, savoring the salt-sweet-musk taste of him.
Mark finally finds his words. "Please, please let me come. Please make me come, please..."
"Only good boys get to come," Anthony husks, before he rubs tongues with Sören again, making sloppy streamers with Mark's cream. He and Sören take a few more slow licks at Mark's cunt, and then Anthony's eyes meet Mark's. "Are you a good boy?"
"Yes," Mark admits.
Anthony tsks, licks again, and commands, "Say it."
Mark takes a deep breath. "I'm a good boy." He whimpers and then he breaks just a little, sobbing with the visceral truth of those words.
"Yes. You are. Say it again."
"I'm a good boy." Mark smiles through his tears.
Anthony glances at Sören, who also smiles, then they kiss deeply and passionately while Mark watches. "Mmmm." Anthony sucks on Sören's lower lip, before an open-mouthed kiss with more tongue teasing. "You want to help your daddy fuck this slut?" Anthony touches Sören's face.
Sören nods eagerly, his brown eyes twinkling.
While Mark lays there tied up and helpless, he's made to watch Anthony and Sören making out and pumping each other. When they're hard and ready, Anthony gives Sören's ass a firm swat, and Sören climbs over Mark with a hungry look in his eyes that sends a shiver down Anthony's spine. Mark spreads wide for him, begging "please fuck me, please..."
At first Sören grinds against Mark, cock rubbing cock, while Anthony takes a few thrusts inside Sören, then inside Mark, going back and forth between them. The wet sloppy sounds and Sören and Mark moaning together as they kiss intensifies the pleasure of their silken walls kissing Anthony's cock, and he grits his teeth, trying not to come too fast. Then Sören looks over his shoulder and asks Anthony, "Can I be inside him, Daddy?"
"Go for it, pumpkin." Anthony slaps Sören's ass, loving that side of him.
Sören takes Mark, who cries out as he feels Sören slipping inside him. Anthony takes Sören, holding onto him. Anthony sets the pace, kissing and licking Sören's neck and shoulder. "Fuck him like I'm fucking you, baby," Anthony purrs.
"Oh, Daddy..." Sören shudders and rocks his hips harder, faster, making Mark cry out again. As Sören's t-dick works in and out of Mark's cunt, he plays with Mark's cock, and Anthony reaches around to guide Sören's hand with his hand. Mark's moans get louder and he rolls his hips, ecstasy on his face.
Sören turns his head so he and Anthony can kiss, tongues teasing. Anthony kisses and nuzzles Sören's back as Sören and Mark kiss, drinking each other's broken cries. Soon all three of them are trembling and Mark is begging to come again. "Please," Mark pleads. "Please, please, make me come, let me come..."
"Are you Daddy's good boy?" Anthony growls.
"Yes, I'm a good boy, please let me come..."
Anthony bites Sören's neck. "Make that slut come."
Sören's hand goes wild on Mark's cock as he bucks madly, and a moment later Mark howls. Sören throws back his head and cries out - Anthony knows Sören is feeling Mark's contractions, and at the feel of Sören's cunt clenching and pulsing Anthony comes with them, gasping with the power of his release.
After the throbbing pleasure gives way to contented bliss, Anthony unties Mark and the three tangle up together. The smile on Mark's face makes Anthony ache in a good way, glad to give him a moment of peace after so much pain.
"You're a good boy," Anthony whispers, stroking Mark's hair. Then he tousles Sören's curls and boops his nose. "And so are you. You were a very helpful boy."
"I like helping, Daddy," Sören says, biting his lower lip.
"I love you guys so much." Mark gives each of them a kiss. "Thank you."
"Thank you for being you," Sören husks, touching Mark's face. They rub noses.
They snuggle closer, just in time for it to start raining, as if the land is washing away Mark's tears.