After Anthony went home on Monday, life didn't so much return to normal as it felt like there was something missing. During the five days Anthony had stayed with them, it had been a blessing rather than an inconvenience - the house was more full of life; Mark noticed he was more connected to the Song. Anthony's absence was almost like the ache of a missing limb... a missing part of their souls. Though Anthony came over on Wednesday for dinner - and eating each other out for dessert - Anthony returned to his house that evening and Mark noticed Sören had a brooding look on his face as they wound down for bed.
"You miss him too," Mark said.
Sören just nodded, frowning and looking down at the floor.
However, they'd made plans to get together that weekend - this time at Anthony's place, now that his power was on and his pipes were fixed. They were bringing themselves and their animals over on Friday night, and returning Sunday morning before Anthony went back to the clinic.
When Friday came it was as if a dark storm cloud had been lifted from Sören's shoulders, and he was bouncy before Mark left for the record shop and still bubbly when Mark came home, which gladdened Mark's heart. Mark and Sören were less glad for the temporary distress of the cats in their carriers on the way to Anthony's house - the cats liked riding in the car far less than Huan, who they watched in the rear view mirror, sitting in the backseat and nodding to the rhythm of the music in the 90s alt-rock playlist, tongue lolling happily. Sören practically flew out of the car when they pulled up to Anthony's cottage, and Anthony waved at them madly from the window - Anthony was already in his pajamas, which Mark found adorable.
As soon as they were inside and let the cats out of their carriers, Anthony hugged each of them in turn, then they got into a group hug and took turns kissing. Mark went slick and hard as he watched Anthony and Sören kissing, and melted when Anthony kissed him, almost coming untouched.
Then the moment went from steamy to tender. "Hi, Daddy." Sören rubbed noses with Anthony, whose face lit up; Anthony kissed the tip of Sören's nose.
"Hi, pumpkin." Anthony ruffled Sören's curls. Then he tousled Mark's hair, making him chuckle. "Come on in."
They were in time for Anthony to light Shabbos candles - he had LEDs which weren't traditional but were safe to leave unattended the nights he went to shul. Tonight they were going to watch streamed services, as they did last week, but eventually Sören wanted to go to services with him, and Mark didn't mind the idea of tagging along even though he knew it would give him melancholy nostalgia for the Jewish community he'd lost in the Middle Ages.
As they shared grape juice and challah, Mark caught a whiff of cholent. "That smells good," Mark said.
"I started the slow cooker this morning before I left work. It should be ready now."
Anthony had a fire going in the fireplace, and it was cozy to sit around the fire and eat bowls of cholent while listening to jazz, as a light snow softly fell outside. Snúður and Fabio pattered around Anthony's house, pausing here and there to sniff and inspect the new scents, rubbing their faces on furniture and doorjambs, meanwhile Huan and Maimonides trotted a few laps around the house, smelling each other's butts before cuddling up together by the toasty fireplace. Eventually Snúður and Fabio touched noses with Solly and Shmuel and settled down too, making catloafs around the living room. Mark looked around at the cats, the dogs, and his lovers and thought to himself: It feels like home.
That was a scary feeling. Exhilarating, but scary.
"I hope everything is OK," Anthony said. "I don't entertain much."
"You're very entertaining," Sören replied.
Mark snickered. "He means he doesn't have guests often. We don't either."
Anthony nodded. "I was a loner growing up - I hear that's not an uncommon narrative with trans guys. We don't fit in our skin and it's not just that it makes us uncomfortable in gendered spaces, but the girls we're around can tell on some level that we're not girls and treat us like we're icky."
Sören nodded vehemently. "Exactly. I got very badly bullied."
"Me too." Anthony frowned. "Even at uni, I was a weirdo. I didn't go out drinking and partying or any of that, and I dressed conservatively because I was so bloody uncomfortable with my body, so I got a reputation as a prude. My husband, before we were married, only started dating me because he took a bet that he couldn't get down my pants within three dates."
"Suffice it to say neither of us think you're a prude." Mark smirked.
Anthony laughed. "Well, no. But I'm a lot more OK with myself since transition. It's just that old habits die hard and transitioning didn't turn me into a social butterfly. I got diagnosed with autism and ADD a few years ago, which explains some things - almost all trans people are neurodivergent, I think -"
"Jæja, I got diagnosed with autism as a kid because I stim and get sensory overload and had trouble talking," Sören said. "I still struggle with words under stress."
"Yeah. And I work a very public-facing job and that takes a lot out of me, so it's harder for me to get motivated to 'go out and meet people' and that sort of thing. I do attend shul once in awhile and go to Shabbos dinners and office parties a few times a year, but..." Anthony exhaled. "It's hard when you're lonely but you suck at people. So I'm really glad to have you guys. It's not just that I enjoy the sex, but I enjoy your company, too." He gave a sad smile.
"We like spending time with you too." Mark's heart hurt for Anthony, just like it hurt for Sören.
And though Mark knew Anthony was holding space for him to commiserate, Mark decided to spare Anthony his life story - his father and brothers had been accepting, his mother hadn't, and more importantly, the Valar hadn't been either; Tolkien left out the part that Fëanor wasn't just angry with the failure of the Valar to keep Melkor from doing evil, but he was angry with Manwë in particular for refusing to acknowledge Maglor as male. That, more than anything else, was why Maglor refused to accept Círdan's offer to take him back to Valinor. He at least had his freedom here, living as male, albeit with the constant risk of exposure both as non-human and as someone with a vagina; sometimes prospective partners were accepting of the latter, but that came with its own set of problems - Mark had abortions long before there were ever safe, legal abortions. The push for trans rights within the last decade was extremely recent to Mark, like a drop in the bucket of time in history. So it was hard to tell Anthony any of his life experience without that context, and Mark knew that eventually, if this were to work long-term, he would need to say something about who he really was sooner or later. But he didn't think now was the right time.
Especially not on Shabbos, when Anthony was supposed to be relaxing, not having his reality permanently warped by the revelation that the world was far stranger than anyone knew.
For dessert Anthony made an apple crumble, which was as delicious as the cholent, and they watched the live stream from Anthony's shul. Mark enjoyed it, though it also made him sad, stirring that longing for the people he'd left behind - both the Jewish community and the Noldor. He noticed Sören getting choked up as well, and took Sören's hand.
Sören spoke into his mind with ósanwe. You don't think I'm a sellout for wanting to convert, do you? I know back in the day I thought all gods were useless.
Mark squeezed his hand. I think you've been through a lot both in this life and the last and it's understandable to be tired of feeling at war with heaven itself. Besides, there's a certain poetry in finding home with another group of exiles. Ask me how I know. Mark looked over at Anthony. And it makes sense that as you come to know and love Anthony, you would also fall in love with the people and the Higher Power that made him what he is.
As if on cue, Solly hopped up on Anthony's lap, wrapped her front paws around his wrist and gently nommed, and Anthony began talking baby talk to the cat as he skritched her, making her purr loudly. It melted Mark's heart, seeing that tenderness in Anthony that got animals to trust him... and people, too. Mark felt safe here, despite only having known Anthony a matter of weeks.
When the services were over, they bundled up - Anthony put a trenchcoat on over his pajamas - and took Huan and Maimonides out do their business. Anthony lived down the street from a small but picturesque park and they did a walk around the park, admiring the way the snowflakes glittered and the snow gleamed in the night under lamplight. On the way back they paused here and there so Sören and Mark could admire the houses. "This is a nice neighborhood," Sören said.
"Nicer than ours," Mark said; their street of duplexes was within walking distance of office buildings and a strip mall, and though Maine had a fairly low crime rate - one of the many reasons why Mark had chosen to live there for this period in time - he suspected the people two houses down were using hard drugs. During the summer they threw loud parties.
Anthony nodded. "It's quiet and scenic, yeah. It reminds me of the neighborhood I grew up in across the pond, in Blackheath." Maimonides yipped, and Anthony told the dog, "You've never been to England," and then chuckled, skritching him. "Like he can understand me."
Huan chuffed, and smiled with his tongue lolling. He certainly can, Mark thought to himself, giving Huan some pats. Then Mark wondered if the reason why Huan got on so well with Maimonides was because Maimonides wasn't exactly an average dog himself.
Which made him wonder if there was something... other about Anthony, too. If the reason why he got attached to Anthony so quickly was for the same reason he got attached to Sören so quickly. Maglor dared not hope to be reunited with more of his family, and yet...
"Have you been back to the UK since you left?" Mark asked, not wanting to pry, but deeply curious... and trying to shift his focus back to the here and now, the what is rather than what-ifs.
Anthony shook his head. "No, but I have plans to visit Bubbe for her ninety-fifth birthday in April, since I don't know how much longer she'll be with us. It's been over a decade since I left London for the States and I've got some reservations about returning for a visit - not so much my ex-husband, since London is a big city and I'm unlikely to casually cross paths with him on a week's trip, but antisemitism in the UK has gotten so bad that there are travel advisories for Jews. It's to the point where I would have eventually left even if my ex-husband hadn't terrorized me."
"Shit." Sören gave him a fierce, tight protective hug. A moment later Mark joined in, swallowing hard, wishing he could tell Anthony about the Inquisition and how much he admired Anthony for continuing to stay visibly Jewish during a time when hatred was on the rise again. But he kept those thoughts to himself, offering the strength and solidarity of his embrace, like a living shield wall.
They continued walking - this time hand-in-hand, with Anthony between them, the leash wrapped around his wrist. Suddenly Sören stopped in his tracks and pointed up at the sky. A shooting star was falling.
"Make a wish," Sören said, clapping his hands and bouncing with excitement.
Huan and Maimonides both barked as if they were making dog wishes.
Even though it was just superstition and Mark knew that even in a world full of magic, it was detrimental to engage in magical thinking, Mark still found himself watching the shooting star and silently praying, Please let the Doom be over. What I have, let me hold.
Since Anthony wasn't in the habit of having guests over, and they had already done a lot of movie-watching recently, Mark and Sören had offered to bring a card or board game over. They agreed upon Uno.
More specifically, they had decided to play Strip Uno. Anthony was already in his pajamas, so to make things more even Mark and Sören were also going to get in their pajamas. Mark and Sören showered together first - which had the added effect of making them randy as they sensually lathered each other and kissed, building the anticipation.
When they were out of the shower and in their pajamas, they came out to find that Anthony had been busy while they were showering. In front of the lit fireplace, there was now a king size air mattress, made into a nest with quilts and big, plump pillows, and it was inside a cozy blanket fort. "My own bed's not big enough for everyone, so I shopped for an air mattress the other day," Anthony said sheepishly. "I hope this is OK -"
"This is better than OK," Mark said.
Sören nodded. "It's very romantic."
Anthony smiled.
Mark and Sören usually played Strip Uno with the rule of whoever lost all their clothes first was the loser and had to service the winner. Tonight, they made a new rule - whoever had the most clothes at the end won and got to top the other two, and whoever lost all their clothes first had to watch while the first pair fucked.
Mark could use the Song to manipulate cards and casino games - once every few years he went to Vegas to win about ten thousand dollars, most of which he donated to different charities, a little was added to his emergency savings fund - but he decided not to do it this time. Anthony won, and Mark was never so happy to lose in his life.
Once they were all naked, they took turns kissing. As Sören and Anthony kissed, Mark kissed and licked Sören's neck and shoulder, then Anthony's neck. While Mark and Anthony kissed, Sören kissed Mark's neck and leaned in to lap and suckle Mark's nipples, and did the same to Anthony. Then Sören and Anthony kissed and Anthony kissed Sören's neck and kissed and licked down his spine, and kissed Mark's neck, playing with his hair.
They formed a triangle on the bed, with Sören's head between Anthony's legs, Anthony's face in Mark's cunt, and Sören's thighs wrapped around Mark's head. They licked and sucked at each other, moaning, making filthy slurping sounds as they savored each other's cream. For someone who hadn't had much experience eating pussy Anthony was a natural at it, and Mark lost himself on Anthony's wicked tongue teasing him as he worshiped Sören's delicious cunt, electrified by the thick, hard bottom growth swelling in his mouth. Awhile later they traded places, with Anthony eating out Sören as Sören pleasured Mark and Mark tasted Anthony. Mark enjoyed the contrast of different flavors - Sören was sweeter and Anthony was muskier - and he always loved Sören's full, lush lips tugging on his clit, bringing him dangerously close to climax.
Before they could come that way they stopped, and kissed some more, sharing their cream and making sloppy messes, hands wandering over each other's bodies. Then with a mischievous gleam in his eye, Anthony gently pushed Sören back against the pillows. "Time to claim my prize," Anthony said, kissing the tip of Sören's nose. Sören giggled, and Mark smiled.
Rather than being jealous at the sight of Anthony and Sören fucking, Mark thought it was one of the most erotic things he'd ever witnessed. He slowly tugged on his hard clit as he watched Anthony and Sören kissing passionately, listened to the wet suctioning sound of their cunts kissing as Anthony began to grind and Sören gently rolled his hips. Sören and Anthony kissed again, open-mouthed, their tongues rubbing together sensually. Mark heard himself moan along with them as Anthony kissed and licked Sören's neck, then Anthony leaned in, tongue lashing one nipple as he played with the other, sucking hard and pulling on it with his lips as he pinched the other and yanked the nipple ring, making Sören cry out.
As they rutted against each other harder, faster, cunts smacking together, Mark thought about the times he'd fucked Sören just like that, and now he got to watch how beautiful and delicious it was, thrilling to the heat between them... knowing Anthony loved it just like he did. Mark's hand sped up stroking himself, and when Anthony kissed Sören's neck again, lust in his eyes as Sören sucked on his fingers, whimpering, Mark almost climaxed. Anthony heard Mark's breath hitch, looked over, and slapped Mark's hand away from his pussy. "I didn't say you could touch yourself," Anthony said.
Mark felt those flutters again, turned on by Anthony's domination. As badly as Mark ached for release he obeyed, cunt throbbing with urgent need as Anthony rocked his hips madly, his face close to Sören, the two of them breathing each other's breath in shuddery gasps - Mark knew they were getting closer, closer. When Anthony started sucking on Sören's nipples again and Sören sucked Anthony's thumb, Sören glanced over with a desperate, fevered look in his eyes and Mark knew he was about to come. Mark heard himself whine with frustration as Sören cried out, heaving. Two thrusts later Anthony made a deep snarl of satisfaction, panting, his face flushed and eyes glittering, then bit his lip and made a strangled sound, shivering.
Anthony and Sören kissed deeply; Mark sighed with the beauty of Sören wrapping his arms around Anthony, the two of them clinging and rocking together, smiling and laughing with euphoria. Then Mark's cunt throbbed again, reminding him he needed to come... more juices dripping down his thighs.
Anthony looked over and his grin became a smirk. "You poor dear."
Mark draped his left arm over his forehead and gave an exaggerated sigh, but in truth he loved watching them - he was almost painfully aroused, and he knew when he was allowed to climax it would be all the stronger for the wait.
"I think you should fuck poor Mark now," Sören said.
Anthony smirked again, kissed the tip of Sören's nose, and rolled off him. "Well, I'm gonna need some time to recharge first. That means..." He cackled. "I can tease you some more."
He shoved Mark back beside Sören, and gave him a smug, I-own-you-now look that made Mark's cunt throb again as Anthony parted his thighs. Anthony let out a low whistle when he saw how swollen Mark's clit was, his cunt pooling with cream, thighs slick with it. "Damn, someone liked watching."
"What can I say? The two of you are hot together." Mark turned his head to Sören, and they kissed, and Mark almost came untouched. He turned back to Anthony and looked into those gold-flecked green eyes, like light through trees in a forest. Eyes like Arafinwë. Mark cautioned himself not to get his hopes up, but there was that same gentle-yet-commanding presence... intensity less obvious than his brothers, but all the more dangerous for being hidden. Intoxicatingly so. "And beautiful together, like a force of nature."
Anthony leaned in and kissed him - a hungry, fierce kiss that sent fire through Mark's entire body, a fire that seemed to reach down into the root-threads of the Song, stirring the earth to cast off winter and melt into spring. Mark reached up and took Anthony's face in his hands, stroked it, and Anthony smiled tenderly, eyes shining. Anthony kissed Mark's forehead and bowed his head for a moment as if in reverence and prayer, then the wicked grin was back and Anthony began to kiss and lick his way down Mark's body, a path of delicious torment.
Anthony licked Mark's hard, aching clit ever so slowly. To drive Mark even wilder, Sören kissed him open-mouthed, their tongues slowly, sensually playing together in the same rhythm as Anthony's tongue. When Mark heard himself making feral noises, Sören leaned in and lapped and suckled one nipple, playing with the other - Mark cried out, gripping the sheets white-knuckled. Anthony grinned at him again, drew the clit into his mouth and sucked it... gliding in and out of his mouth, slowly. Mark almost sobbed with frustration - Sören kissed him again, laughing, and a few kisses later he was back to teasing Mark's nipples, making him drown in sensation.
At long last Anthony was ready for another round. With one of Mark's legs hooked on his shoulders, Anthony rode him hard, giving into Mark's frenzied need - Mark was so wet that the sloppy sounds were louder than his cries and Anthony's groans. But before Mark could climax, Anthony teased him again, rubbing against him more slowly. And Sören joined in the teasing again, sitting on Mark's face, facing Anthony - Mark knew they were kissing, and that mental image aroused him just as much as the sight and taste of Sören's creaming cunt. Mark buried his face in Sören, moaning into him as he worshiped, and when Sören's thighs were quivering and he was making the urgent high-pitched noises that told Mark he was getting close, Anthony stopped teasing and began fucking. The minute Sören gushed on his face Mark gave in, a full-body orgasm ringing through him, intensified by the feel of Anthony's contractions.
Sören climbed off Mark's shoulders and Anthony and Mark kissed deeply, sharing Sören's juices. Anthony kissed Mark's forehead, smiling, and softly said "Thank you." Then he turned to Sören and they kissed and rubbed noses. "Thank you."
Sören and Mark kissed; Sören touched Mark's cheek and Mark took his hand and kissed it.
Mark felt like he was made out of jelly and floating on a river of light, but somehow he managed to move his body enough to get into a cuddle-pile with Sören and Anthony, a tangle of limbs. For awhile they just lay there, dazed - though Mark only had one orgasm and Sören and Anthony each had two, Mark's one orgasm had been strong enough for two; he was deliciously relaxed now. There was nothing like the bliss of afterglow, a welcome respite from the troubles of the world.
Finally Anthony broke the silence. "I love you guys."
"We love you too," Sören said.
"Yes. We do." Mark's eyes met Anthony's, and they smiled at each other.
Then Anthony took a deep breath. "I know it's really soon to be talking like this, but... maybe in a few months, like in the summer if things keep going well... would you like to move in with me?" Anthony glanced over at the fire. "This place needs insulated siding before the next winter, so I could sell this house -"
"Well..." Mark looked at Sören, and projected the mental image of them moving in when their lease was up, and Sören quickly shot back a telepathic yes, nodding. Mark turned to Anthony. "Our lease is up for renewal at the end of April, and we were thinking about finding another place in town this year since we have annoying neighbors who throw loud parties and possibly use if not sell drugs. That's probably even sooner than your timeline, but we could take the money we've been saving for first and last month's rent and a security deposit on a new apartment, and give it to you to help with the siding project if you'd rather keep the house." Mark cleared his throat. "We could go kosher if that would make you more comfortable about sharing a kitchen." He knew he hadn't asked Sören that part, but he also knew Sören was probably going to end up converting as the relationship wore on.
Anthony's eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly, and for a brief instant Mark feared Anthony would in fact think that was too soon and possibly a red flag... and then to his relief, Anthony nodded enthusiastically, his face lighting up. "That works for me. But... at the end of April, you said? I'm going to the UK for the first week of April to see Bubbe."
"Yeah, our lease is up on April thirtieth every year. Do you have arrangements for your pets? We could watch them for you if you don't want to pay a kennel."
"I was actually going to ask you about that - I think they'd be more comfortable with you guys than a kennel anyway - and if you want to start moving in around then, that would be convenient," Anthony said. Anthony sighed and gave a sheepish smile. "I need to get a new bed, one that will fit all three of us."
"You have two bedrooms, right?" Sören asked.
"Yeah." Anthony's eyes narrowed. "Why, would you rather we -"
"No, I'm asking because we have two bedrooms at our place and we use one of the bedrooms as a combination music room and art studio," Sören said, "and I didn't know if you'd be willing -"
"Absolutely." Anthony gave him a kiss. "It would be nice to have some live music in the house." Anthony sighed again. "Makes me want to break out my old electric keyboard, if it still works."
"You play piano?" Mark was pleased by the information.
"I wouldn't win any contests. Your harp ability blows my piano skills out of the water. But yeah, I took some lessons. I considered either being a concert pianist or a barrister, but love of animals won out." As if on cue, Shmuel came over for attention and Anthony skritched him; Mark smiled at the loud purr.
"We could jam together some time," Mark said. "It would be fun."
"Is that what we're calling it now," Sören snarked.
Anthony chuckled and Mark shook his head, snickering. He leaned in and gave Sören a kiss, then he rested his hand on Sören's heart for a moment and spoke to him through ósanwë. I know you said yes, but I want to make absolutely sure you're sure.
I am. Sören gave a few small nods while Anthony was focused on spoiling the cat. Their eyes met and Sören went on, But... at some point between now and when we move in, you need to tell him what's up. You're used to letting your glamour down at home when it's just us. If it slips and he doesn't already know...
Yeah, I know. Mark looked into the dancing flames. It won't be tonight. I not only need to prepare The Speech, but I need to figure out the right moment of when to tell him - the wrong timing can make or break how he'll take it.
Sören patted Mark's hand, and kept his hand on top of Mark's hand, stroking it gently. I get it. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Especially because if he doesn't take it well...
Then we're going to need to leave the state and disappear before he can potentially weaponize that information. I'm not saying he is like that, but -
I know. Bad history. Sören reached over with his other hand and gave Mark some reassuring pats.
Mark looked down and closed his eyes, trying not to remember the times when telling others had ended in disaster. The worst of it had been during more superstitious times, when the Catholic Church persecuted anyone who was the least bit different, but the increasing xenophobia and lack of anonymity of the 21st century had made him more guarded of revealing himself - Sören had been the first in decades who wasn't involved with the US government.
He had told Sören soon into their relationship, for a number of reasons, but that had been an exception to his usual protocol; he didn't want to tell Anthony within the next month in case it was a dealbreaker - he knew it was selfish to string someone along for months if not years if the information would cause a problem, but he'd had so little true companionship in his exceptionally long life. And what they had with Anthony was sweet. Mark couldn't help thinking they felt like three parts of a greater whole and it made him wonder once again if Anthony was perhaps Finarfin reborn, which in turn made him wonder if Fingolfin was out there too. Getting his hopes up was usually a fool's errand, but there was the glimmer of hope just the same.
Anthony was starting to doze, a sleepy smile on his face. Sören was smiling too, watching him fondly. Those smiles were more precious to Mark than the few relics in his possession that had survived since the Years of the Trees, and as he lay tangled up with them, mind slowing down, he once again thought of the shooting star and his wish. That wish was like a prayer now, letting himself rest in the arms of the ones he loved.
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